- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi jazzz! Don't beat yourself up for not realizing what kind of person he is, it happens to people all the time. He's just trying to get a rise out of you because he has nothing better to do. Do your best to remember you're important, and he's not. ♥
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah you can't control your past, only what you do going forward. I understand, I got back with that girl when I was at a low point too so I understand. I'm sorry you went through all of that.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you djsognal!! I know, sometimes all this alone time makes my thoughts wander. A lot of my OCD reassuring seeking is around topics and past events that I fear will come to ruin my life in the future. I’m young so I never want anything to mess up my life. Even though nothing has happened I still confess and seek reassurance as best I can to I guess make sure I’m still on the safe track for my future or to reassure myself that the past is the past. It’s a vicious cycle. I was once a good girl and I became rebellious and made stupid decisions over the years, especially in college. Then on top of how I was culturally raised, it makes me feel like I don’t deserve marriage or anything good in life. It will be a long journey before I find self love again.
- Date posted
- 6y
Maybe not as long as you think. You seem very intelligent to me. This all can be hard to come, and I think you and I struggle with the same things. Just do your best, understand that you can't control everything. Everyone deserves to be loved.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you ?? I had opened up to my ex about my past traumas and it was all just spit back in my face and he would say “idk how I can marry you”. It really broke me down. First few years out of college I was in debt from traveling the world and avoiding law school, so a friend suggested some sugar dating app to me and they made it seem like dating not prostitution. Gave it a try since I was working 2 jobs and exhausted and not only was it not like dating but I was treated like a prostitute in a motel and a bar basement in 2 encounters, never getting dates or allowance as promised and then told why should I be paid since I drive a Mercedes. And I didn’t enjoy one moment of it. It took away my innocence in a way. Most traumatizing experience of my life that I put myself through when I was vulnerable with low self esteem. I always confess this but not an easy thing to talk about. Makes me feel like a horrible sleazy person. I think deep down I stayed in the abusive relationship because I fear dating again and opening up to someone in case I’m rejected. If I could go back I’d get a third job on top of the two to help pay my debt. I know many girls do that stuff and worse but I have such pure intentions and a guilty conscience. Hard to have self worth and confidence when I keep beating myself up over the past.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Anyone experience this? I have had OCD for past 9 years, over the course of that time I have had multiple themes from POCD, false memory OCD, contamination OCD the list goes on. Right now I am struggling with the thought that an ex is going to harm me, my family and fiancé. I am about to get married and my fiancé makes me so happy I am in love and finally found the person that truly completes me. However, of course OCD latched onto that. My OCD convinces me that if my ex finds out I’m going to get married that he will harm me and my family. The other day I did a compulsion and looked at my blocked list which my ex and his family and friends are on, I quickly glanced at their little profile pics to make sure they were okay and that they weren’t planning on scheming to harm me and my family and my fiancé. Immediately after I did this I started to freak out, my OCD made me think I was a cheater and that I secretly want to reach out to this ex. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD from that situation because I went through a traumatic experience with this individual and this is what had lead me to believe that he will harm me. Anyone else experience similar?
- Date posted
- 20w
So I have POCD & now ROCD because I’m in my first relationship. My boyfriend is a few years older than me and was born and raised in Turkey before he came to the U.S. in his early 20s. I’ve read that Turkish culture takes pride in their children, with holidays such as Children’s Day, too. So they are used to bonding with children in a non-creepy way lol (I’ve seen it before, it is a *slight* cultural difference between my culture and his but it’s very sweet) I grew up SA’d as a child and I told my boyfriend, so he knows. Yet he’s said a few things that have caught me off guard. - When I told him there was a chance I was mleafed as a child, we were cuddling and he readjusted himself in a funny way before saying “sorry, I mlested you.” I let it go because English is not his first language and he was probably just trying to be funny to lighten the mood because I was crying and he might have thought that I interpreted him re-adjusting himself as him hitting on me. (Right?) Even when we have daily conversations, he doesn’t understand about 25% of what I say, and I don’t think he’s been learning English when it comes to any of these kinds of topics that I’m speaking about. Sometimes he says stuff just to say it. But still, he understood the context we were speaking in and still tried to make a “joke.” - When I talk to him about my nieces (who I loved and adore and whose mother refers to me as their second mother) he once said that they’ll love him because he s good with kids. Okay sure. Then he said “they’re gonna be like ouuuh, he’s so handsome!” and I was like?? Why are you thinking about that I’m so deeply upset. He’s my first everything. I grew up with my mom defending the monster that abused me & my sister and I always swore I was never going to be that. And I won’t. Sometimes I just can’t tell if I’m overthinking because of my OCD. Because it’s also very extreme to assume someone is a monster like this! But OCD is extreme! And so it’s so hard for me to understand. I’m heartbroken because I feel so vulnerable. He was all I had. Now I feel like I’m gonna f*ck him up if he’s any type of weird like I think he might be. I hate everything sm. All I wanted was someone who loved me, someone I could love, and I’m terrified that I might be with someone who’s sick in the head, just like my father. I feel like throwing up and raging.
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi I’ve never posted before but I need to talk with other people that have this too because it’s hard to explain to other people without ocd. I was in a relationship for awhile and we started dating before either of us knew I had ocd. Anyway I have a really bad episode of it that led me to go get on medication and got into therapy. My ocd can have some really taboo themes and thoughts which I have learned is just what comes with the illness. The problem though is when I was really struggling one of my compulsions was confessing and reassurance seeking specifically to the guy I was dating because I trusted him. We both knew at this point that I had ocd and it affected many parts of our relationship particularly our intimacy which he made me feel bad about. He started calling me crazy, just joking, but still. Eventually I start feeling better and we start being intimate again and the day after he breaks up with me. About a month later after I hear he went on a date with another girl (we live together) he tells me he couldn’t be intimate with me because of my intrusive thoughts. We still live together with 2 other roommates so I still see him everyday. We try to be cordial with each other. I still have my moments though I’m still dealing with my ocd and a breakup seemingly caused by it and I cry a lot. Some months go by and he’s dating this other girl and I end up making out with one of my other roommates. I have no idea if my ex knew but the next day when it was only me in the house he starts screaming “THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS” and starts slamming shit. I tell my roommate about this and he and I are both kind of scared of him. He started acting really cold to us after. Then the night before my graduation my two roommates moved out so it’s just me and my ex in the house. In the middle of the night he comes downstairs and in front of my door calls me a horrible name relating to my intrusive thoughts. I open the door and say fuck you and he says you took my fucking friends. I said I didn’t take shit from you and he says yeah and goes upstairs and screams BINGO for some reason. He did it in the middle of the night when we were alone and I had no one to talk to or go to. He blames me because a lot of our friends sided with me in the breakup because they knew what I was going through. He had told me that I could never speak if my intrusive thoughts to anyone including my therapist (I did don’t worry) but he had made me feel so ashamed more than I was already. Also the next day he left a mess for me to clean up since I was the last one to move out. I’m coming to terms with the fact that on top of this awful experience with ocd that I may have been emotionally abused as well.
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