Relationship ocd

I've been getting relationship ocd recently which is a relatively new theme. Have had intrusive thoughts all the time but they haven't caused excessive distress before, it has always been relatively manageable. It is really hard to know how to approach this cause I've had themes that are very obviously ego distonic before but cause these thoughts are about my relationship and questioning it I'm finding it more difficult to navigate not engaging with the thoughts. I have managed to talk to my boyfriend about some of the thoughts and it really helped but I was wondering if anyone had any advice. Especially cause some of these thoughts start with something in reality like a difficult discussion and then spiral into worrying what it means about our relationship and if it means we're doomed, nor sure how to find where ocd starts and normal relationship difficulties end. The really annoying one has been feeling checking and analysing how I'm feeling in a certain situation like when I'm with him or when we're having fun, like "am i feeling enough" etc. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks 😊

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Hey, I relate so much to what you’re saying. It’s scary when OCD attaches to something that has some truth to it, like a challenge in a relationship. I think that even when it’s about something with some truth, the OCD super exaggerates it and blows it out of proportion. I can tell this is happening if it feels super urgent and I feel very anxious about it.

RoseThistle

Date posted: 2y

That's so true, I find if it feels almost life and death and really scary I know it's an ocd reaction. It really helps to be conscious of that and find where reality ends and ocd begins

paula109

Date posted: 2y

Hi! I know how you feel, I also experience doubts about my relationship (which is healthy and the best I've ever had). To manage all those feelings and thoughts I started erp with a therapist, and I can say my life has improved a lot! So if I was you, I would talk to a professional and also try not to compulse. If you find yourself checking your feelings say "okay now I'm going to put attention to the moment, not my head" (when you are anxious about what you are feeling, it's impossible to feel anything else). If you need help we are here!

RoseThistle

Date posted: 2y

Hi, thanks for the advice. I have a therapist and have been talking about this issue with her. She is not erp but I had been looking for erp therapists in my area and struggled to find any in my budget. Is there any erp techniques you would advise I use and discuss with my therapist for rocd specifically?

paula109

Date posted: 2y

@RoseThistle Well, I'm currently doing 5 minutes exposures each day (in them I bring the intrusive thoughts I've had during the day in a conscious way), and I try to avoid doing compulsions such as checking, googling, asking for reassurance...but the first months I used to expend 10 minutes each day. It depends on the person, but it has helped me!

RoseThistle

Date posted: 2y

@paula109 That's a good idea, I will discuss this with my therapist next session thank you

<3-3

Date posted: 27w

@paula109 GOOGLING, YES. Sorry I’m very late to this post lol, but this is 100% something I did when I’m with my boyfriend. I’m a very logical person that feels love differently than others do, so I try to quantify my feelings in my relationship. But, as you can imagine, you can’t put a grade on love, so this often left me confused and running to Google so that it could give me a “yes or no” answer for what I’m feeling. And lo and behold, it never helped. Not a single time. Did it reassure me? Yes, temporarily. But the lack of a “yes” or “no” left the door open for more debate in the very near future. I only recently stopped doing this because I realized how harmful it is, especially considering we’re long distance and I would waste time Googling instead of spending the little amount of time I had with him before I had to go back home. I’m only on ROCD so that I feel less alone, I’m not seeking reassurance.

Jpais28

Date posted: 10w

ROCD advice help for supporting partner

I am at a very difficult spot in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and I have a history of cheating that for years we’ve been trying to work through. To me, it makes a lot of sense that my OCD has attached itself to this and for the last few years I’ve experienced intrusive sexual thoughts of others and relationship ocd. I have been open to him about the content of my thoughts and now, with a proper diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, I am able to reframe them and work through them with ERP so that my brain will *hopefully* get bored and stop sending them. But, things have not been easy. As a result of this and everything in our past, he has become anxious about all the scenarios where I could be having sexualized thoughts about other people. To him, if I am thinking something utterly different than what I am telling him or acting like to him, he can’t fully trust it. And of course, I can imagine how difficult it is to know your life partner is sexualizing others in her brain and to be able find a way to dismiss them as unthreatening, especially when past mistakes say otherwise. Is there anyone that has gone through this with a partner? And other than repeatedly explaining the egodystonic nature of my thoughts and providing reassurance, what are some things you did that helped them? Any advice helps! Thank you

hhaatt

Date posted: 8w

switching between themes

Themes constantly switching. I’ve been suffering with real event ocd the last year and am currently in therapy treating it. it’s nowhere near as bad as it was last year and it’s felt like a nice break. there’s days where it gets bad but i can’t compare it to the stress of last year. However i’ve noticed every time i overcome a theme a new one hits me out of nowhere. i’ve suffered with ocd since i was 9, and ive had multiple themes. i’m in a 2 year relationship with my partner and it’s amazing. she’s probably my second proper relationship due to the fact my first relationship gave me so much fear to get into another one as i was cheated on, and needed a few years to get over that. i kind of guessed that ROCD would creep in at some point as it just felt inevitable. anyways, i know my partner is not cheating on me, she’s beyond loyal, we are so so in love but i think due to that first relationship i had, being cheated on really messed with my head. it’s like my brain is telling me my partner has someone else even though i know in my heart nothings going on, and i trust her with my life. i also think because im in the happiest relationship of my life, anything that would indicate loosing her makes me feel sick and riddled with anxiety. and i know that’s completely normal for everyone. i think the most frustrating thing is, is knowing that my OCD has finally crept into my relationship which is something i never wanted it to do. this is a brand new theme and i have no idea how to treat this. i will speak to my therapist but if anyone has been through this theme and any advice in the meantime i would really appreciate it :).

Unstoppable ...

Date posted: 4w

Relationship OCD

Hi I'm new to all of this so I hope I'm doing this right. 5 years ago my 34 year marriage ended. My ex husband was a mentally and financially abusive, covert narcissist. All that is behind me now and I'm finally remembering who I am again. I'm in a relationship with a really great guy but the problem I'm having is relationship OCD. This has taken me by surprise really as I've had OCD from a very young age but never has it been about my relationship. I constantly check messages and go over and over conversations and convince myself my partner will eventually cheat. Almost every single person in his life I can feel threatened by and I hate this for him and also for me as I don't have any peace of mind. This is ruining the lovely relationship I know I could have so I really need to get a handle on it. Has anybody else experienced this and managed to control it?

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