- Date posted
- 2y
Afraid of doing ERP
I am about to start my ERP journey and I am so afraid. I have HOCD and I feel of I do the exposures I will end up liking them and and it will turn me into something I know I’m not.
I am about to start my ERP journey and I am so afraid. I have HOCD and I feel of I do the exposures I will end up liking them and and it will turn me into something I know I’m not.
Hi, ERP is counterintuitive to what we normally do, but it works. The first, most important step to recovery is to make up you mind to use the tool. The second is to take the leap of faith that the tool your therapist is subscribing, ERP, will work. OCD cannot turn you into something you're not. It can only increase your fear and anxiety. You're doing the right thing by facing it down with ERP. Trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!
Yep, sure have! Just keep in mind the big picture, it's ALL OCD.
Maybe it will Maybe it won't, but this is the only way your going to get better. Keep ur head up I believe in you
Encouraging words!! As a Alumni, did you personally go through ERP, what OCD subset were you suffering and did it work (not 100% but did to help at all)???
Absolutely, and I still use the tool. I
I'm having technical trouble with this thread. Let's try it again...Absolutely, and I still use the tool! I’ve suffered from OCD all my life, in one manifestation or another, but in my generation (I’m in my late 60’s) no one knew much about it and certainly not how to successfully treat it. Only when I found NOCD and got a trained therapist who uses ERP did I begin to recover. In the past few years, I’ve been dealing with harm OCD, existential OCD, scrupulosity OCD, Pure OCD. I am now well into recovery, and am looking forward to my twilight years. One other thing I learned during recovery, kind of an epiphany, is that it’s ALL OCD. No matter what the flavor of the month is, it’s still OCD. I found this to be enlightening.
@Steven55! Hi! Thank you for your comment I really appreciate it❤️
You're welcome. Any time.
Did you ever deal with sexual oCD?
Would you please be a bit more specific? Do you mean same sex OCD, POCD or sex addiction?
I meant Same sex OCD
Oh yeah, that's a very common one. ERP will help you with it, no doubt.
Sorry for 20 questions, last one! again not for reassurance (cause I know what that does) but did you ever feel you couldn’t look at a guy or in the direction of any guy cause your mind was racing like it felt like you were attracted to every guy no matter who it was?
Thx man gonna keep doing my ERP work and keep pushing!
Great!
I’m starting NOCD. I had several years of cbt as a child (well over 20 years ago) and I see a trauma therapist. But now I’ll be seeking further help for OCD and just really scared. CBT wasn’t helpful for me. How has ERP been helpful for you? Do you feel like you’ll finally get your life back? I’m consumed by my obsessions 😢 Would love others feedback if ERP helped you ❤️
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I have therapy today and I’m nervous. I just started going to therapy and I really like my therapist. She talked to me about doing ERP and I’m really nervous about it. I’m scared to tell her the extent of my OCD, and my themes. I’m scared to tell her about my false memory OCD, because I’m scared that what I did was real and I’m just excusing it as false memory, although I have no memory of it. I’m scared that I am truly a monster and I’m using OCD as an excuse—and that she’ll find out and distance herself. I’m just scared that my whole world is gonna fall apart, all around me.
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