- Date posted
- 2y
ROCD
Hi, new to here. Does anyone here from suffer from ROCD? I havent been diagnosed but ive been recently reading about it & believe I may have been suffering with this for almost 10 years with my partner!!!
Hi, new to here. Does anyone here from suffer from ROCD? I havent been diagnosed but ive been recently reading about it & believe I may have been suffering with this for almost 10 years with my partner!!!
Yes completely loving & healthy which makes it all the more confusing and very upsetting. Terried of ending things & living with regret forever but also hate living like this. It comes and goes and can spring up out of nowhere I find. This is the longest period ive felt like I cant shift the feeling for which has been about 5 months.
I haven't been diagnosed either and have struggling for almost 1 year and half with my bf. I commend you for staying and trying to work through it for 10 years. Can I ask you if you are in a loving and healthy relationship, void of any kind of abuse?
Have been struggling *
What kind of questions do you struggle with in your ROCD?
Do I love him? Do I just love him as a friend? Do I fancy him? We have been together since we were 18, he is mt first relationship and we have 2 children together.But how I act towards him isnt how im thinking. We still have a good sex life & im very affectionate but these thoughts come along. I can have them & sometimes be okay but I had rhe coil put in (recently removed) in november & havent been able to shift the feeling since. How do you struggle with it?
Same questions I face. I wonder if I'm in love or just love him as a person. This trips me up when I think about moving into the next phase of our relationship (engagement). For you to be with your bf for 10 yrs and to have children together, I believe there would be something you share with this man that connects you to him. Don't give up. You got so far already. Have you talked about marriage ?
@Sunshineflowers7 Hi i also suffer from ROCD i have been with my nie Fiancé for 3 years. OCD started in July of 2022 and for the first 8 months I thought i was just crazy and a terrible person for thinking and feeling the way i was feeling. Thankfully i bumped into an article about ROCD and it all started to make sense. I shared it with my Fiancé and slowly but surely ive been making progress trying to resist compulsions.
@Alexgtz11 What have been the questions you struggle with?
@Sunshineflowers7 So far my ROCD has made my attraction to her come and go. It makes me incredibly guilty for finding other people attractive. I overreact to very trivial things i did in the past and all of this makes me want to do my main compulsion which is confessing, aside from that i also do alot of checking and ruminating. I feel disloyal or like i cheated over very stupid minor things. I also feel like i have to share any past sexual experience in order to be an honest Fiancé. Oh well there are many things the list could go on and on. But lately ive been doing pretty good at breaking the OCD cycle.
@Alexgtz11 I commend you for getting as far as you have in your relationship, even to the point of engagement. I really hope I can get myself to that point. What I've been told on this forum, is that attraction comes and goes. People's looks change all the time. We were never meant to look the same at 35 than we did at 21. Try not to share how you're feeling continuously with your fiance. Use this forum instead- even though it's not encouraged to do so. I've also been told on this forum that we often want perfection. But the truth is, perfection doesn't exist. We could spend our whole lives searching for a partner that has it ALL. In reality, what may be missing in one partner, may be met in another, but something else would be missing in that new partner. I've learned that we need to appreciate who we are with (as long as it's a loving and healthy relationship void of any kind of abuse) . I'm still learning this as well. Try to do an activity with your partner that you both love to do, like kayaking, or hiking, or going to an arcade. Try to spend more times together having fun. I know these thoughts rob us of joy. Try to keep pressing on.
Hey I'm new here... Married for two years, not formally diagnosed with OCD but over 25 years, I've dealt with obsessing over my sexuality, then it has shifted to obsessing over my relationships. In my first marriage, I would notice other attractive men and at one point I started to obsess over one man at my church. Eventually it went away but I divorced for other reasons. Fast forward 15 years. I meet my now-husband, but we break up twice while dating. I was terrified. I have learned I do struggle with fearful/avoidant attachment, but I made it through to get married!! But now, the obsessing over other men is happening again. I work with a lot of men. If I notice one who may be handsome, all of a sudden I feel weird sensations in my body, my mind races, and I fear I want to cheat, or wonder if I'd be happier. It has happened with a guy at my church, several coworkers, my husband's best friend...so I know there's a pattern. But as of late, it has gotten worse with one coworker. I have to see him every day. The thoughts are loud. They feel real, like they're how I feel (I like him, he has nice eyes, I love you). I am a Christian, and when I pray about it, it's almost like something inside me says, 'don't fix this, this isn't OCD, I want this guy' blah blah blah. I feel awful, like a whore, like a cheater, like a double-minded person. And I feel so far away from my husband. I've dealt with feeling the need to confess everything early in our relationship. I've gotten better at not doing that, but I feel like I carry this private pain that no one understands. It really hurts. I guess I just needed to vent and let this out. Sometimes it feels so lonely. I feel crazy. I'm in my 50s, I have a full time job, I take care of my home, yet I feel paralyzed by this sometimes. Thanks for reading.
For those of you in relationships with ROCD, do your partners know of your diagnosis. I am new to treatment and new to this avenue of mental health. I am generally pretty open and honest with my partner about things but the dark side of my mind I keep hidden. I’m scared to tell him about this if I’m diagnosed. And I’m scared that if I’m diagnosed and something real does go south in the relationship then my diagnosis will be used against me.
Hi all, I’m quite new to the whole ROCD thing as I was just diagnosed after years of thinking I just “wasn’t meant for love/dating” because of how horribly I would spiral into a depressive, extremely dread-filled and horrifically anxious state of mind and immediately cut it off during the talking stage with guys. After breaking up with a guy who I truly liked and cared for TWICE, I was finally diagnosed with OCD and it all really makes sense now. It feels weird trying to explain it to others though… I don’t know if I’m alone in these feelings, but it feels like every time I start talking to a guy—usually after the first date but the worries are extreme even in the beginning when I perceive that they are starting to like me—I end up in this major depressive episode where I don’t feel real or like myself, I can’t take care of myself, I’m either hysterically crying or I feel numb, I feel completely trapped (even if we’re not officially dating yet), I question everything in case I’m missing a red flag of some kind or some hint that this person isn’t right for me (even with simple things like a guy giving me flowers, I end up thinking “is this moving too fast? Is he being weird? Is this love bombing? What if he has an ulterior motive? Why did he really give me these?” when logically I know it’s probably nothing) I feel like I’m always looking for evidence to see if they are secretly weird, if we aren’t compatible (always “casually” ask them to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test to try to find out as much information as humanly possible right off the bat due to fear of being stuck with them only after realizing their real personality) It then typically escalates to a point where I never want to check my phone in fear that they texted me, I feel smothered from any communication, I wish for them to break up/break it off with me, the thought of them just icks me out and almost disgusts me, I can’t get out of bed, I can’t stomach going out with friends or family of theirs, and I usually need to introduce 24/7 drugs of some kind (weed and nicotine) to my daily routine to cope with the feelings/use it to eat something because I can’t eat when I’m with them/due to the anxiety around dating them. With the man I just broke up with FOR THE SECOND TIME AFTER A WEEK OF DATING, it had gotten to a point—as it always does—where the pain of trying to be with them is greater than my appreciation for them. I might smile at my phone when they text me and be full of joy around them, but the portion of time when I’m NOT around them and left to just think about the relationship or observing how they are behaving rather than being in the moment is just too much. Once I break it off though, it feels like a bag has been lifted over my head and I’m finally back to my normal self. I usually need a couple days to emotionally recover, and then I’m up and cleaning my home, taking care of myself, and back to making plans with others. I feel lonely then and might miss them, but I know it’s just not fair to ANYONE right now to date someone like me. Is this relatable? Do I sound crazy? - Z
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