OCD

I feel so safe with my boyfriend and I trust him completely but for some reason I have this irrational fear that he's plotting to kill me. It's hard because he's the person that is there for me the most and I feel like I have to make sure that he's not going to hurt me. He comes home late at night because of work and I just get really scared sometimes. When we go anywhere at night I can't help but worry if he's gonna snap and hurt me. Just to be clear there's literally no valid reason why I'd feel this way and he's never hurt me or anything but my brain just goes there and it's terrible.

r.m.1

Date posted: 2y

It’s your OCD. I can remember one time I was sweeping my kitchen and out of nowhere I was gut punched by the thought that my dad would rape me (I have never experienced any type of sexual abuse or trauma and grew up in a loving home). That thought came out of left field and although incredibly irrational, the panic I felt was undeniable. I understand where you’re coming from. It’s not fun :/ But it will pass. Keep trusting your relationship as long as the green flags continue and keep doing all the relationship things you would do if you didn’t have this anxiety… it will fade

erika.alexx

Date posted: 2y

@r.m.1 it's terrible, I feel like it messes with my relationship a lot. I have also experienced so many irrational fears about things i've never experienced. People always ask me if i've had these things happen in the past and I'm like no, it's just a really irrational fear out of no where. It's so hard

r.m.1

Date posted: 2y

@Erika-Alexx It is very hard, but there’s hope, just keep moving forward. You are not alone. Try to give yourself as much grace as possible

GrayBell089

Date posted: 2y

wow! i just was diagnosed with OCD about 2 weeks ago — I thought I was struggling pre-diagnosis, but I fear that being aware of it now has me obsessing over having it… hence, how i just discovered this app. Anyway, I’m reading through posts and this one just screamed at me and made me flash back to an ex-boyfriend .. he was SO kind, patient, etc. with me (we dated for close to 5 years) and I couldn’t seem to accept how sweet he was to me (???) and I, too, began having this intense feeling that he was going to kill me. I remember one night we were drinking wine, by a fire — and I just blurted it out to him….. and the way he looked at me (with genuine concern, sadness, etc.) actually had me believe at the time that he DID want to kill me ……. I ended the relationship because I just self sabotaged it entirely (not just this irrational idea I conjured up, but other “ideas”, etc.) and looking back, I wish I could calm my brain down and just appreciate and be grateful for the relationship we had .. perhaps I still would have ended it (how could I ever possibly know that unknown ‘what if’), BUT we absolutely would have had a much happier, peaceful relationship … I feel like I always was trying to sabotage it and he was always trying to talk me down from whatever negative thought I had about us. Ugh, poor guy. Anyway, just try to journal it out — look up OCD journaling techniques for this specific theme… do you have a therapist? I wish I had the/any answers for you… I just wanted to reach out because your words resonated with me immensely and I remember that feeling of panic and horror/fear…. I wish you (both) well and wanted to let you know you’re not alone in that thought process and I pray you can overcome this🙏🏻

erika.alexx

Date posted: 2y

@GrayBell089 Thanks so much! I do have a therapist and her suggestion was to just sit with that fear. I used to ask him all the time if he was going to kill me or tell him I was afraid he would kill me. Last night we were walking through a park and I just kept telling him I was really scared but I didn't say why and he wouldn't give me reassurance because he knows that's bad. So i'm getting better at not giving into the fear, but the fear is still very much there. Also, when I was diagnosed with OCD I also got obsessed with that fact. Trying to prove that I actually had OCD and looking for answers and obsessing over my recovery. I think it is pretty common to go through that.

Chibee

Date posted: 19w

Can’t trust my bf’s word

My bf swears he doesn’t notice other women, and that even before dating me, he was never the kind of person to look at women. I, however, have difficulty trusting him. OCD makes this a thousand times worse. Now I don’t ever notice him staring at other women or anything, but I see him look around sometimes especially when someone passes by or someone new shows up while we’re in a restaurant or something. He insists this is him noticing movement and also checking surroundings for safety reasons, but how can I be sure he’s not secretly catching a glance bc his “controlling” gf won’t let him. He insists, swears on his life, that he has no eyes for other women, but if I’m being honest guys, I don’t trust him. No matter how often he proves himself, I don’t trust him. I am often checking his eyes in public. It was worse back then, we have worked through this and I’m doing better now, but I always regress to old habits and old fears. I feel this will be the rest of my life, where I will never be able to fully trust a man. That OCD will always hold me back.

Relationship OCD

cambriar72

Date posted: 13w

Is it rocd or just overthinking

I’m not diagnosed with ocd but I feel like I might because I relate to a lot of the relationship posts on here I know I love my boyfriend and I know I can trust him but I get so anxious for no reason I have his location and I can go through his phone without a problem but I get so anxious about being cheated on or him leaving me and it makes me feel like a bad person because I trust him but it feels like something else is telling me like he’s doing something but I have no reason to think that and again I have his location we work at the same place and I’m with him whenever he has off so I don’t get why I do this but it feels like obsession like I stress about upsetting him because I get anxious about upsetting him because it feels like he’s gonna leave me if I do anything to upset him and he’s never done anything to make me feel like this so I don’t get why I overthink like this

naiad

Date posted: 10w

Relationship OCD

Hi all, I’m F(20) and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like I’ve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and he’ll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just can’t make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and it’s because he’s secretly done with me and he’s longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe I’m at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(

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