Obsessing over the cause of my OCD

MY OCD STORY I’d like to tell you guys my ocd story because why it happened is still a mystery to me. I have never dealt with ocd for my life. I only dealt with some thoughts recently that I would worry about and obsess about but...most of my ocd thoughts would be something that my ex boyfriend would say. For example. My ex boyfriend would say things like, “I’d fuck her” about a random girl. Now I get those thoughts and deal with sexual ocd trying to repress those thoughts. Another thing is my ex used to say weird things about girls younger than him. Way younger, and talk about their body and how they’ve changed so much since the last time they’ve he’s seen them. This caused me to struggle with pocd. Anybody have any thoughts about this? I am not trying to blame him but just wonder if someone else had this experience or can explain what more this experience means for me. My therapist calls these traumatic memories, which I then obsess about.

How has everyone else's OCD progressed throughout their lives? Has everyone else always had severe OCD or did you live regular lives beforehand and encounter one point where it went from 0 to 100. Where are you now in your OCD Journey? I'm very curious as to everyone else's stories and have left mine below if you’d like to read it. From what I can remember, I went relatively undisturbed by OCD  the majority of my middle/late childhood, only having about 1-3 thoughts a year that weren't super bothersome but did create a level of distress uncomparable to regular intrusive thoughts. They were mainly about my health and about my parents safety & wellbeing. The earliest memory about my OCD that really stood out was back in 5th Grade, when I hit my head on a swing set and immediately began reciting every moment leading up to injury as well as every math equation I knew to make sure my memory was still intact. The greater part of my adolescence was essentially the same and resembled what I believed to be a normal life,  just with a couple of OCD thoughts sprinkled throughout it. I was able to function pretty well albeit depressed and somewhat anxious. It wasn't until I was close to my highschool graduation that I experienced the worst panic attack(at the time) at the idea that I would hurt my parents. It was so distressing because the thought felt so loud that I believed it was genuine which only caused more distress. I was so scared that I would act on the thought that I discarded all of my sharp objects and locked myself in my room. That was my first ever severe reaction I experienced due to OCD and was back in May of this year. I actually learned what OCD was the same night and realized that many of my newly found fears including mold growing in my walls  and my parents disliking me were also caused by the OCD. Unfortunately learning that it was probably OCD wasn't enough to quell my fear and I engaged in a bunch of compulsions in the months to come, worsening my OCD In the process. June was alright. July was worse(I only had like three topics for obsessions which sounds great now). Late July-Early August was my tipping point . Things went from worse to profoundly terrible in a short period. I found this app late August which was great because I had grown exhausted. September was pretty bad but not as bad as August. Now it's October and life is somewhat good now. I've become more knowledgeable of OCD (big thanks to this app and my therapist) but I'm very far from done. There's still this looming sense of anxiety that follows me everywhere. I have like 20 obsessions now, some being larger and scarier than others but those smaller ones are still apparent. But, the fear has decreased as well as the mental compulsions that came with it. My mind is quieter now. However the anxiety has stayed the same. My heart still drops whenever my worst obsession is triggered. Headaches, brain fog, sweating, rapid heart rate, sense of being paralyzed, racing mind are commonplace in my life but I've learned to sit with  the physical discomfort (not that it makes it any less terrifying). Anyways, I'm here now which is cool. I’d like to listen to others' experiences to get a better understanding of OCD and maybe feel a bit less alone. feel free to ask any questions.

I had never really had OCD symptoms like this a few months ago. I had struggled a little bit with anxiety and had always had a fear of uncertainty but I’ve never felt a 24/7 pain anxiety, guilt and fear like this. I was pretty happy😭 Have others had this experience as well? Did it just show up randomly from one intrusive thought that you couldn’t brush off? Is it possible to get back to how you were before or will I have to “manage” for the rest of my life?