kat.kq

Date posted: 2y

Hopeless

I feel hopeless I feel like I’ve been living a lie my whole life or repressed it I don’t want to be gay I don’t want to be a lesbian I feel like I’ve lost all attraction to men and now only focus on women :(( I get so anxious that I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t focus And now when I see social media posts about couples i automatically see myself as the guy and the girl being a girl :( But I feel like it’s now my reality and I don’t want it :( I hyper focus on lesbian couples when I’m out in public or on social media or in movies I stare at pretty girls and get intrusive thoughts I just wanna be happy again with my boyfriend :( He makes me so happy and he makes me feel so loved I hate that I get anxious when he texts me sometimes even though I know he loves me with all his heart and I with him I want to marry this man but with all of this, I can barely imagine it I miss not having these flare ups :( I wanna give up so bad

emilybm2003

Date posted: 2y

i feel the same way, it’s so hard

Anni23

Date posted: 2y

Do you guys also sometimes just accept the fact that you are another sexuality now, cause you’re too exhausted and also completely convinced it’s true now? ☹️ I always feel like I need to „come out“ now

kat.kq

Date posted: 2y

@Anni23 It happens sweetie! Trust me, sometimes you need to put yourself in the present. Think of it as another’s one pov of you Even thought feels real, it’s not. That’s the whole point of ocd, it feels real Just remember, it’s not Ocd is the doubting illness, just breathe in and out

Anni23

Date posted: 2y

@kat.kq Thank you! I really needed to hear that. My days are just the worst right now ☹️

beckalouise

Date posted: 2y

I'm in the exact wave at the moment too girl. I feel like I've accepted it and that it's gonna happen. It's hard.

Anni23

Date posted: 2y

@beckalouise It’s feels like the worst. I wake up with anxiety and I go to bed with anxiety. I don’t have a single second that I’m not doubting my sexuality. I’m overthinking every single thing 😭

beckalouise

Date posted: 2y

@Anni23 Waking up with the anxiety is the worst for me cos it'll wake me up from my sleep. Do you still have many thoughts? I suffer more with actually the feels of it x

beckalouise

Date posted: 2y

I'm at this same point. I'm here if you ever ever need a chat. X

kat.kq

Date posted: 2y

@beckalouise Yes please :(

beckalouise

Date posted: 2y

@kat.kq I don't know how to message on here :( x

kat.kq

Date posted: 2y

@beckalouise It’s okay, we could chat here It would be good for others to reply to

Anni23

Date posted: 2y

I can relate 😢 it’s the worst, I am struggling a lot

Millerbm

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I feel the same way.

ocd_sufferer8

Date posted: 2y

Same issue.

Anonymous123

Date posted: 23w

I'm so convinced it's just denial

I feel sick to my stomach, a few days ago I knew I was straight and could picture my life with my bf again. The anxiety has really lessend and Im more depressed now. I'm 100% convinced I am lesbian even tho I have never had sexual attraction to women, found them pretty but never wanted to be with them. My mind is only picturing me being with women now and it feels like a pit in my stomach. I don't feel emotion now, I'm also on my period. I don't want to be lesbian. I want to be with my boyfriend and have the life I pictured with him. My memory is so dissorted right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with being lesbian, it's just not for me and now that makes me feel like I'm homophobic.

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

anonymous1348

Date posted: 16w

soocd

just crying cause i feel like im never going to recover and just have to be lesbian, even tho i love my boyfriend so much. thoughts don’t even give me anxiety anymore idk what to do, im just so done, feel like it’s all real and that i want it(when i dont). any tips or anything, idk how to keep going

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