Why does this feel so real? It feels like since the thoughts came back and I accepted the thoughts and now they are hardly ever there, but it feels like I've accepted it? Like I've accepted being gay? I still got anxiety but mostly when I wake up after a sleep or a nap. Please tell me there are others who feel like they've been convinced? I don't want to lose my fiance. I really don't.
It feels so real because: 1. The human brain is the powerhouse of everything we do, 2. You keep giving into your OCD, so it’s cementing the idea that your particular theme is scary and dangerous and therefore your brain will continue to bring it up.
Can you actually get the anxiety without the thoughts though?
@beckalouise Yeah, that’s generalized anxiety disorder. I’ll be anxious without thoughts but I have GAD as well as 5 other mental illnesses. But none of them matter to me and they don’t run my life, so it doesn’t last long.
@Nica I just don't know what is happening to me anymore. I got over this 5 years ago but this time its like I accepted it and now its like full on convinced me that this is going to happen.
@beckalouise Are you seeing an OCD specialist or have in the past? You are probably having a relapse—which happens and is bound to happen eventually. It’s how you react is the most important. If you aren’t seeing an OCD specialist now, I suggest going back for check ins and to get help from them so you can get back on track.
@Nica I was, but I couldn't afford the payments any longer. I was on session 3 where we started talking about exposure and triggers. Am I able to private message you?
@beckalouise No, the app doesn’t allow messages to anyone but a therapist. I’d look for Erin P’s comments where she shares lots of links for help and resources that have helped her. And also there’s Ali Greymond and “OCD and Anxiety” on YouTube if you can’t afford therapy. I suggest looking up OCD and Anxiety first.
@Nica Am I able to private message you outside of NOCD?
@beckalouise I don’t have social media and don’t talk to people 1:1 on here because I’m not a licensed professional.
@Nica OK so what do I need to do? Just let everything be in a kind of sense?
@beckalouise Hey! This exact thing happened to me! It hit me first when I was like 15 and then again at 19, and then again at 28. It’s been so tough! And each time it’s come back it’s been worse. So I know how you feel. I didn’t know what it was until last year when it relapsed again. I finally went to get help and got diagnosed with ocd in like 10 seconds haha! It didn’t make it any easier though! It’s still super tough. I’m having more good days than I used to which is good. Just keep fighting and know that things will get better!
@Scott328 I don't understand how this feels so real in all honesty Scott. It feels like I've changed but I don't look at girls that way and I don't actually want to be in a relationship with a girl, but the thoughts that do come and the anxiety that comes makes me think it's gonna happen. X
@beckalouise Totally! It really does feel real! I’ve experienced the same thing. Even today is a rough day for me and I’m feeling a lot of this stuff today. But hey we gotta power through it.
@beckalouise I’ve experienced the same feeling. All of my life I was straight and never questioned it or doubted it or wanted anything else, and then boom, in came OCD and had me 100% convinced that I was gay and that I just turned gay against my will. One of the most disturbing and earth shattering experiences of my life.
@Scott328 Are we able to speak outside of here?x
@beckalouise Yeah but what purpose would that serve?
@Scott328 Just to talk to you about everything if that was ok? I don't want reassuring. Just a couple of questions I wanted to ask.
@beckalouise Do you have Instagram?
@Scott328 I don't, I have WhatsApp or Facebook?
@beckalouise Bummer! I don’t have those ones. It’s ok to talk here! Feel free to ask any questions. I’ll reply just the same.
@Scott328 Oh wait I do have Instagram, I have my business one. What's your @?
@beckalouise @thescottmichaelcole
@Scott328 I've followed you and sent you a message
@beckalouise Yes, you need to learn to let go and let the thoughts/feelings be present and not fight or judge your OCD. The more fuel you add to OCD’s fire, the bigger it gets.
@Nica I'm just worried that if I let it be there that it means it's true
I've always found women pretty and admired them since I was younger, never wanted to be with them or anything. I always pictured having a boyfriend and my crushes were always boys. I have a boyfriend now but because this has happened I feel nothing towards him or any men. To be honest I'm so exhausted I don't feel much at all, there was so much anxiety at the start and now there is none. Does that mean I have accepted the thoughts. My mind keeps going you were suppressed all these years but I do find women pretty so that's what's making it worse. Am I just in denial and being delusional? I never doubted my sexuality before this I always considered myself to be straight but I feels like my mind has been twisted and can't remember any attraction to guys but can remember thinking girls are pretty? Does this mean it's all real? I don't know anymore
what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.
So pretty much I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life, I had no idea could’ve been symptom of OCD until maybe a year ago , I have this fear right now that I don’t actually love my fiancé and I’m not attracted to men. I am attracted to men. Let me be clear. I’m not attracted to females. I never have been and I never will be. But it’s one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had that I don’t actually care about the person that I would sacrifice anything for that I would do anything for. He’s pretty much the closest family that I have and I just wanna be with him for the rest of my life. A couple months ago was that I just didn’t care at all, and I didn’t have any feelings and everything that I felt was me being fake in that nothing was real. But I eventually got over that and the new thought is that I’m actually gay even though I know I’m not. And in the world we live in now where it’s be yourself be you if it comes across your mind. That’s the obvious truth. Be yourself… It’s kind of scary to think about. I just want it to leave me alone. I’m actually so scared that eventually I’ll believe it because some thoughts that I’ve learned were intrusive. I ended up starting to believe and it turned into a whole catastrophe for my life. I met this girl and she felt a certain way about her husband and then she told me that eventually I’ll feel that way and ever since then I just I haven’t gotten over this fear that I’m gonna end up feeling the same way she is. Also, I recently got over a few themes. I’m not ready to share, but I’m so proud that I got over those and I just I’m waiting for this one to leave me alone and it’s not and I’m starting to get really scared that it’s true and I don’t want it to be true. and just to be very clear I don’t care who you love what you love who you like what you identify as because you can in fact be yourself but this just doesn’t feel like me. I’m genuinely reaching out to try to get help for this because now it’s messing with our personal life. We’ve never argued so much in our entire relationship and now I realize that it’s mainly my fault because I’m detaching myself from all emotion just so that I can get over this thought I’m detaching myself from all intimacy and that’s even scarier because what if it’s not me detaching myself and it’s me just not being attracted that’s another thought I’ve hadI’ve gone all long enough so thanks.
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