OCD with NPD traits

@Jennah I completely understand. I had the same issues, particularly with bullying and being taken advantage of. I’ve kept it all bottled up and hidden from everyone. Also, recent events made those tendencies flare up. I had my group of friends who I thought of as a family. However, once I moved out, they discarded me as I was just doing favors for them. It’s the typical “love bomb”, “devalue”, and “discard” cycle.

@Josean although i don’t believe this one but when it comes to myself, i wanted to let you know that those who make you feel not good enough are certainly always in the wrong. even when i was bullied i understood why they did so, i did some pretty weird behaviors and being scared of me i was a target. just because you’re treated poorly doesn’t mean you are deserving.

@Jennah Yeah, agree 100%. I’ve gone no contact with these people. It doesn’t matter if I have NPD traits or not, but everyone has a right to heal, even the most evil of people if they truly want to change. Now it’s a matter of challenge these narcissistic thoughts and behaviors and replace them with healthy habits. It’s a detox but for the mind.

@Jennah I have an official OCD diagnosis, but that was 20 years ago. Much has changed since then. No official NPD diagnosis, but I’m sure that I have it or at least traits of it. ERP therapy just doesn’t seem to work for them.

@Josean i was wondering bc my main theme right now is npd and i’m terrified of having it. you seem to be self aware though, and i know that isn’t enough to deem you without npd, but does the thought of having it scare you or is it something you just think you might have. i think if your only symptoms is having huge fantasies about money, you’re not exactly alone so..i think it depends more on your level of empathy

@Jennah Same here, I’m terrified of having it too. There’s a stigma associated with cluster B personality issues. If you have one, people already assume that you’re evil and toxic. But part of ERP therapy is saying “maybe I am or I am not narcissistic”. Ultimately, you know yourself best. As for me, I’ve gone to under my fair share of narcissistic abuse that I developed those tendencies as a defense mechanism. That’s how I know there are other issues. Usually, having true NPD or any of its traits is associated with past trauma or abuse. Which to some degree, I went through.

@Josean have you tried getting an npd diagnoses?

@Jennah Yeah, I’m currently looking for a psych evaluation. If I do have it, then I really just need to accept that and move on to heal. Sure, maybe it’s something I may need to keep to myself, as it just gets a lot more hate than OCD. Remember, you can’t make people accept you for your flaws. There will be some who accept you and others who no matter what you do, they won’t be pleased.

@Josean ok please update me on what ur diagnoses comes back as

@Jennah Just thought I’d get back to you on this-yes I was diagnosed with NPD. Particularly the covert type. Just told my family about it and suddenly I’m casted out. Everyone is acting all afraid of me.

@Josean how did they arrive to that given ur other diagnoses? i mean you said you had empathy and self awareness what did they make of that? and where were you diagnosed?

@Jennah Also, for what it’s worth, I intend to use my narcissism for good. I mean, that after I’m healed, I’ll help people going through abuse identify the patterns of a toxic individual and cut them off from their lives. Think of me as a Hannibal Lecter of sorts, he was a psychopath himself, but he worked with authorities to profile other messed up individuals. 😂🤣

@Josean i just have so many questionssss. like so many. well ngl this made me 10x more scared that i have it but if you would feel comfortable i would love to know exactly how u were tested and stuff. Also how you cope with the knowledge since it was one of ur themes, no?

@Jennah Don’t worry, the probability that you have OCD and NPD is very small, like almost negligible. But I guess it still happens. Yeah, this very much confirmed one of my worst fears. I thought “but not me, I’m a good person, right?”. But remember, it’s not all black or white. From an OCD standpoint, it was definitely an exposure. As far as NPD is concerned, the last thing you want to hear is that you’re narcissistic lol. Yeah, don’t worry too much about it. It’s just a condition, very much like diabetes or asthma. It doesn’t make you automatically a bad person. Think of the Avengers, if you’re into that. Tony Stark actually had many narcissistic traits, but ultimately he was a good guy. He’s got a crystal heart too to prove it 😁 Only bad choices and actions make someone possibly a bad person. But even them can still redeem themselves. If you’re open to it, we could chat more through some other means, so we don’t have to text back and forth. Up to you.

@Josean Perhaps but i mainly just want to know now exactly how whoever evaluated you did so, especially since you’re a good person, honestly i won’t lie about me being prejudice towards the stereotypes and i don’t understand why you’d want to be “good”

@Jennah Sure, you can think of your questions carefully and them ask them as they come. So with covert NPD, you really care a lot of how people perceive you. Once I started getting the feedback from others that my behavior was impacting them, then I decided to look into it further. So basically I’m afraid of rejection and abandonment, as once I was told “stop being a piece of shit”, that created what’s called “narcissistic injury”. I felt like I hit rock bottom, as I thought that everyone liked me and that I was everyone’s friend, but that clearly wasn’t the case. I also had some personal health experiences, like having a heart attack that made me reconsider my purpose in life. So that made me want to change. No one wants to die without reconciling with those they’ve hurt.