Guilt over a messy situation and questioning

I’m new to this whole ocd thing so I don’t know if the way I’m thinking is just my thoughts and cause I’m an awful person or if it’s my ocd acting up in a way. So I’m in this situation ship with a guy I dated for two months and I fell in love with him and we wanted to be married and everything. But I ended up having an intrusive thought about a family member of his and it was very overwhelming for him (which is understandable) and so he broke up with me and said he wanted me to get help. Now we’re kinda in this weird situation where we know we love each other and want to be together but there are other circumstances and things that are keeping us from being together again. He had dealt with depression for a while and I’ve helped him through suicidal thoughts and seasons before but now that all of this has happened he’s experiencing it again and wanted to last night. And so this is where it gets confusing for me. I know that I love this man, and I only want the best for him even if that means he doesn’t get back with me but because I wasn’t overwhelmed with fear and anxiety and I was crying and having a breakdown when he called me told me he was gunna end it, I’m questioning if I really care whether or not he’d take his life. And I don’t know if this could be ocd affecting my thoughts or if I’m just a really bad person. I know I love him, I’d love to live a life with him and stay together till death. I’d give my life for that man so it’s confusing to as to why I wouldn’t have a stronger negative reaction to him being suicidal and almost being like numb to it all. But I know I’m not in a numb state overall. And then it makes me question how true my love for him really is if I don’t have such a strong reaction to something like that. And then it’s like of course I don’t want him to die, I love him but then I question do I not want him to die because I care about him or because I don’t want to have to live with the guilt of him taking his own life and me not being able to stop it and me being apart of the reason why he did it. And that just makes it worse. And then it’s like I love life and I don’t want to die and I wouldn’t want to live a life without love and happiness but for me to continue on with my life if something were to happen would be like a betrayal to him and like I never really loved him. And then it just makes me feel like such an awful person and it’s so confusing for me cause I know that I really do love him. And then I feel so guilty about it I feel like I have to tell him but idk if that a compulsion cause I feel like once I tell him it’ll be all better but the reality is that it would only make things worse and it would hurt him and the last thing I want is to hurt him. Ugh this is so much and idk what’s wrong with me. I just want to be normal and love him and have healthy normal reactions to things. Does this mean I don’t actually love him? I know deep within me I truly do but idk. It’s exhausting being in my head but I guess I deserve it for having such awful thoughts and being an awful person. I just want to get help and love him truly and help him get better. Does anyone deal with anything like this? I doubt it but if you do (and even if you don’t) thoughts and opinions would be appreciated.

TPD

Date posted: 2y

A little trick: if your OCD is attacking something, it’s because that topic matters DEEPLY to you. I can hear that you know you love him, and honestly I’m sort of jealous about how sweet it is lol. But obviously OCD is a giant barrier, and that’s not your fault or his. Believe it or not, while I haven’t had this myself, I’ve heard a lot of people go through stuff almost exactly like this. The way I deal with things is by bullying OCD back. You have to physically fight it if you need to. I grab an ice cube and eat it when I start getting bad intrusive thoughts. And as for this situation, you need to seriously just say, “How dare YOU suggest I don’t love him?” to your OCD. People deal with emotions in strange ways: I once had a dear family member threaten to kill themselves, and believe it or not all I could feel was disgust. Isn’t that terrible? But what matters is what you DO. And clearly you care so much for him… well, you’ll figure it out. Both of you, please work in therapy if possible. You need to try sitting with these intrusive thoughts and ignore the patterns. Again, it’s attacking him because you love him! And when you’re ready, you can try a relationship again, but remember that no matter when or if you try again with him or anyone else, you come first. If you need time, take time; work with a therapist; don’t be afraid to express thoughts to people you know will support you, but don’t seek reassurance. It’ll be okay. Hope things get better xx

ChristFollow...

Date posted: 2y

@TPD Thank you for the response 🖤

lollypop64

Date posted: 2y

Yeah def ocd! Makes you doubt like everything right? You clearly love him! I know everything is hard but sometimes i wish i had relationship ocd because fearing your safety everyday is a looot

ChristFollow...

Date posted: 2y

@lollypop64 I’ve been questioning everything and how I really feel 😭 has it been ocd all along???

lollypop64

Date posted: 2y

I think so i mean at the end of the day does it really matter?whether u stay wiTh him or not. U clearly have feelings for him but either way its not a life or death decision. Just try enjoy having a partner 💜

anonymous737...

Date posted: 23w

someone pls answer!

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

e2222

Date posted: 22w

Relationship OCD?/am I just evil

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

Canes12345!

Date posted: 22w

My life with ocd

I’m a good man and I know that. My OCD revolves around relationships. While dating someone a truly enjoy, I find myself needing to compulse everything on my mind or else I feel like I’m being a liar or keeping secrets. I also am pretty confident I suffer from false memory ocd. I don’t like to put a label on things but I’m 99.9% sure I do. My compulsions a lot of times come from things I’m not even sure are real. The more thought I put into them, the more I start to believe they are real. One of the worst compulsions I had in my relationship was I had a thought “what if I find my ex more attractive” and “what if I thought the sex with them was better”. I ended up compulsing these things to my gf. After lots of time to think and get a ahold of myself I was able to remind myself that these things weren’t true and I was just in a downward spiral. There was a 2-3 month period where every time I was relieved of something then I would instantly think of something else. These compulsions have caused insecurity in my gf and I feel like a terrible person. Never meant to hurt her at all and was just trying to find a sense of relief. While I know it is not true, I can’t fix things with words and I feel terrible. I would love to hear from people with tricks and strategies that can help. I love my gf and want to fix things and understand this is not a relationship fixer app but I would like to know what are some ways you are able to deal with these kind of things.

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Guilt over a messy situation and questioning

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