feel the need to confess to cheating when I didn’t, ocd spiked today because bf actually got upset at something, not cheating just something he didn’t lie. now I feel like a cheater who’s in denial
I have this same worry. Especially after nights out drinking, thoughts like “what if I cheated and don’t remember…”. It’s horrific because I adore my boyfriend with my whole heart (been together 4+ years). We do long distance in college and thank god are going into our last year. It’s so horrible to have this fear because it feels like I am a bad person if I don’t try to figure it out.
@motivatedgirl yes same :( I get scared smthng is gonna come up in the future, for example something of me cheating is gonna come up unexpectedly and i don’t even remember doing it or i had forgot and it ruins my whole relationship… it makes me sound guilty idk :( I just get so scared that I cheated and forgot, and then the fear branches out to what if other ppl know I cheated and I forgot and it comes up and it ruins everything. but I can’t even think of anything??? I hope this doesn’t make me sound like a cheater I’m just so scared I am one and it feels so real it feels like I am one it’s only just a matter of time before I “realize” it idk it’s stupid;((
@cs223 I have the EXACT same fear. Don’t worry I will never judge you I know how paralyzing this fear is. It’s insanely hard. I stopped leaving the house to try to be around my friends all the time to make sure they didn’t seem “off” cuz that would confirm I cheated and they know and I don’t remember. I also have asked for reassurance many many times and they have always reassured me I have never done anything but it just feels like what if they don’t know yet? It feels like I’m not even living my life, just waiting around to be exposed and I will lose my friends, the respect of my family, and worst of all my loving boyfriend who I adore with my whole entire heart. I’m so sorry to hear you’re dealing with similar thoughts.
@motivatedgirl omg I asked friends for reassurance and even people I thought I cheated with, and they all said I didn’t do anything, most even expressed like girl that’s stupid ur looking 2 deep into it, but all of them said i didn’t do anything wrong at all, but for some reason my ocd chimes in and says “what if they are lying? What if THEY forgot?”
@cs223 I feel the exact same way. I have recently been triggered again because I drank a little too much (haven’t done this since this theme started last year in February) on Saturday and I don’t remember bits of the night and I have crippling anxiety of what if i was disrespectful to my boyfriend in any way (even just being flirtatious). I was with my roommate the whole night and she assured me I was “totally fine and to not worry” but I just can’t accept her response as fact because what if SHE doesn’t remember either? I even talked to my boyfriend about this and he assured me I was being silly, he knows I would never do anything and he trusts me but it just feels like I’m lying by not confessing something that I don’t even know I did? Or logically think I did either just fear it?
@motivatedgirl yea I feel the same, I am working on not confessing to my bf, bf I confessed EVERYTHING, and sometimes he would get upset, I would never cheat but I would bring up stuff that didn’t even need to be brought up and it just made him overthink. and he would be like ok can u not confess bc sometimes it just puts me in a bad mood bc it’s about other people, so I stopped confessing for the most part bc of him and bc it’s not good for my ocd, but i feel like if I don’t confess then I’m lying?? or hiding something??? but idk what I’m hiding.. or lying abt…it’s just a whole bunch of what ifs with no evidence. and even when there is evidence my ocd just doesn’t really care and keeps going. even if i have messages, or screenshots of messages that im worrying about, obviously it’s proof i DIDNT do something, but my ocd always likes to chime in like what if there’s a deleted message? or what if u sent something but don’t have it anymore? just extra worries for no reason…
@cs223 Yeah I feel the exact same way. Honestly it’s been over a year of this and so at this point it makes me just so deeply sad. I just feel like I can never escape if it is constantly on my mind. I know logically that if it happened my friends would know and they wouldn’t lie to my face but then I say well what if either they don’t know yet or they’re not telling me. Now I just feel like the worst girlfriend I feel so anxiously attached constantly I’m not even present in my own life
@motivatedgirl i relate to you super hard. im so anxiously attached to my bf but for some reason can’t enjoy anything w him because of my ocd, doesn’t mean I don’t love him tho, cause I do a lot. it’s just hard. it’s hard to stay present in ur relationship and even harder in ur own life because ur so consumed about worries about your relationship, well that’s how it is for me. im on medication and doing therapy but it’s gotten a tiny bit better but still super hard.
@cs223 I feel all those exact same things. It’s really nice to not feel so alone. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m in therapy too, but I’m not medicated at this point in time. Do you have any coping skills you use?
always wonder what if I cheated and forgot it sucks soooo bad
I’m glad I saw your post, I feel the exact same way :( I went clubbing on the weekend and I was drunk, this guy called me over and asked me what my name was, I told him my name and then I walked off, but now I feel like I’ve cheated on my boyfriend. I can’t tell him because he will see it differently :(
I told my boyfriend last night about all the times that I thought I “cheated” (I have ROCD) on him and he said that I didn’t but he still feels uncomfortable about it and I can tell he’s not answering me and he’s being really dry and his responses. He said it was fine but now I don’t know what to do because I know it’s not fine. I didn’t cheat on him, but I felt like I did and I told him that and I think it made him really uneasy. I just don’t wanna lose him and I’m scared because I had a dream about it and he got really mad and broke up with me. I didn’t want to tell him what I was going through in the first place, but it was eating at me so badly with the guilt I had to confess. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I cannot lose him.
I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?
I’m so so so anxious right now, I got triggered really badly. My partner made a joke saying he’s glad all his coworkers are old and married because he “won’t develop feelings for any of them.” This sent me into a major spiral and I almost threw up and starting sobbing from the anxiety. It triggered me badly and everything was fine before that. I’m so anxious that I cheated on my partner. I’ve had an ROCD obsession with another person for a few months now, and I’ve told my partner EVERYTHING. I told him how I have a crush on this person, how guilty I feel about messaging a group server that this person is a part of (despite being very careful to never ever message them privately or even reply to their messages in the group server and instead message other people), how I have fantasized and daydreamed about this person. My partner was fine with it, and he said fantasizing is normal and that he has had crushes too. He said he has had a work crush and fantasized about her and that it was all fine and that fantasizing is fun as long as it stays a fantasy. I kept telling him that I am terrified that I’m having some sort of one-sided emotional affair by fantasizing about this person, and my partner kept telling me, “Okay so what? Now what? Let’s say your worst fears are true, now what? I’m not leaving you and you’re not leaving me so why worry about it?” I also feel like fantasizing about this person turned into a compulsion because I would spend months agonizing over the ROCD guilt, ruminating, throwing up, thinking, and then I’d try to fantasize in order to soothe the anxiety and “prove to myself” that it was nothing. I have talked to my therapist about this extensively and he told me that I should not confess as it’s a compulsion. He said if it were something wrong, my body would just “know” and I’d intuitively confess instead of ruminating over and over on whether it’s worth confessing or not. My partner told me he doesn’t want any more confessions and that he doesn’t need to know what goes on in my head. I’ve told him a lot already, about the crush, my fears, the daydreaming, and he said it was all fine. I know for a fact that I have never ever ever crossed a line with this person, I have been extremely careful to rarely ever interact with him. I’ve been careful to ensure that we’re not even FRIENDS at all, just barely acquaintances. Literally every single interaction has been just small talk the handful of times that I’ve seen him show up to a group event. He is also moving away and I’m never gonna see him again. I have been extremely obsessive and careful about not ever EVER speaking to him unless spoken to, never giving him attention, obsessively monitoring the frequency with which i pay attention, etc. But I’m so terrified that I’ve already done something wrong by having these thoughts and feelings. I feel like the feelings lasted this long BECAUSE of the OCD and guilt and anxiety. Because I became anxious and started ruminating on the feelings and the morality for months and months. I don’t know what to do. I need help. I feel like I’ve irreparably ruined my relationship. Did i catch feelings? Is there a difference between feelings and a crush? Is this a form of cheating? We are going on a trip in literally 12 hours and I’m so incredibly stressed I can’t take this. Do i confess?
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