The urges

The urge and false attraction have reached levels I have never seen before These past few days I decided to let go and let the thoughts sit in and oh boy oh boy Woke up this morning with intrusive thoughts plus urges like never before while simultaneously hating it and feeling like it’s not me at all I tried to act upon them but my brain systematically refused and now I am in a state of utter confusion…..my brain has been sending me everything amd it’s contrary since I stopped reacting and I truly don’t know if I can handle the uncertainty

Compayorlin

Date posted: 2y

Hello brother, everything will be okay. It takes a while to let the anxiety and thoughts be there and it takes a lot of practice and mindfulness and I can confirm it’ll get way better. It was so debilitating to me I couldn’t even function with every day things. You just have to let the thoughts be there and soak the feelings all up without reacting to it (the hard part) you also have to stop the rumination at the same time. Suppress the thoughts on why it’s not true or trying to fight it (compulsions) but don’t suppress the intrusive thoughts or urges or anything like that. It will take some time but think of it like this, is it not worth it to take the risk to get better and recover rather than just letting it get worst and worst?There’s still hope! It will take a lot of will power and discipline.You can’t let this affect the way you live life. You underestimate how powerful your mind is, but you’re just in fear. You’re going to be okay my brother. Jesus loves you, bless up🙏🏽

Antoinekoi6

Date posted: 2y

@Compayorlin Thanks, there is so much fear involved, I genuinely enjoy being all about women and want nothing but that. It makes me so happy when I sometimes do a compulsion and feel super straight I decided to stop fighting not too long ago and the thoughts are just getting stronger and doing everything to get me to react I will keep trying to not react

Compayorlin

Date posted: 2y

It gets worst before it gets better. You should watch the stages of recovery by Ali greymond and her other videos are very useful as well. It’s draining but it’s worth it to feel bad now and feel better later than to always feel worst and then worst. Don’t go out looking for reassurance and when you catch yourself thinking about or analyzing something on why it could be true it’s a trap and don’t fall for it. Live with uncertainty because it’s worth a chance of getting better than to get worst. I have suffered from this for a 4 years and had a period where it went away for a year but it came back and it came back stronger but I wasn’t aware of all the steps to become better. Research all you need to know about OCD but after you’re done don’t look at the videos for reassurance. You need to ask yourself, “ am I watching this because I genuinely want to get information, or is it because i need reassurance.” You just need to know how OCD works and how the process is but don’t let the fear get to you . You can conquer it and be normal again. Isaiah 41:10🙏🏽

Antoinekoi6

Date posted: 2y

@Compayorlin Thank you my friend I am trying not to give into the compulsions, not going to lie. I do them still particularly mental compulsions But I am really trying not to

Compayorlin

Date posted: 2y

@Antoinekoi6 I understand completely I suffered/suffer from the exact same condition. You WILL get better but it’s all up to you and your determination and willpower.

Antoinekoi6

Date posted: 2y

@Compayorlin I won’t ask you certain questions as I do believe it’s reassurance seeking and I have done that today already I will just sit with it

Compayorlin

Date posted: 2y

Lmk if you ever need any help or have any questions

AnonymousOne...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

I don't know what's happening...

I feel like the thoughts are telling me, "You want this, you want to be attracted to kids" when I know that's not the case. I've been stuck ruminating for the past couple of days and I'm so worried about this disorder convincing me that I'm something I've never been. I try not to fight it, but when I don't it feels like I'm giving into it like it's true. The meds I'm on keep me from being super depressed, but it's still there. I feel like I'm going to act on my thoughts one day and it worries me. I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't know if this is progress or a relapse. Even when having intercourse with my partner, I had to thought block because the thoughts were images while in the middle of it. Then afterwards, they came flooding in saying that I was doing it as a distraction. I don't know what else to do. I try to pinpoint all of my triggers, but sometimes I don't think I even have any. I feel like a monster. I'm honestly scared.

lu22

Date posted: 24w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

What the HECK?

what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.

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