Getting urges to break up with bf Bc he’s not a Christian even tho he prays with me Bc I’m scared to let god down (he’s agnostic) and feel urge to pray “if he’s not the one take him out of my life” but I don’t want to. Any tips?

Anyone here a Christian and dealing with ROCD? I’m in a really great relationship with my boyfriend who is a Christian like myself. We both have our own solid relationship with God. However, every time I pray specifically about my relationship (and have for 4 years) I feel like God gives me affirmations or feelings soon after that conclude with my boyfriend just not being the person God has for me and I know God loves me and wants the best for me no matter what. Every time I pray about this, the ROCD comes in, like, “God has more for you”, “God has someone better for you”, “Am I disobeying and disappointing God if I stay in this relationship?” “Am I missing out on someone more fulfilling that God may have for me?” You get the point. After that part of the process, I beat myself up in guilt both for my boyfriend and thinking that I’m not listening to what God wants for me and I’m just holding onto something that’s good but I could have better. Then I just stop praying about that question and feel like I avoid God. And lastly, inevitably, I feel numb around my boyfriend because I’m exhausted from the whole process and I live in a feeling of settlement even though I do love him. My boyfriend believes that God has put me in his life and that God has grown him so much in part for me and because of our relationship. He is amazing, and I agree slightly, but that just leads me to more questions. Why don’t I feel that was too or why don’t I feel love for him the way I should If God out us together? Sorry if this triggers anyone. I have just been dealing with this for 4 years and have never actually typed it out this way. Any comments, advice or anything is welcome

Every time I prayed for “clarity” somebody other than my boyfriend would pop up. What does that mean. Even tho I want him 😭😭😭

After having a religious conversation with my mom I’m feeling quite triggered. She means well, it’s just I’ve avoided going to church ever since getting serious with my bf because every time I go I get this pit in my stomach and this horrible feeling that God is telling me to leave my relationship. But I don’t want to leave my relationship. So I can’t go to church, read the Bible or anything because it triggers this intense reaction and I end up believing I have to leave even though I love my boyfriend and really don’t want to. is anyone else struggling with this? And at the same time, I have so much guilt and feel so scared that I’m going to die because I haven’t been living a Catholic lifestyle and am afraid to die and go to hell. I don’t know but I’m so sad and lost:(