Uneasiness

Guys I need help. I feel so alone . Basically I have this compulsion where I feel the need to write everything but this stems from me being anxious about EVERYTHING. Like my mom came in my room and I was irritated and snapped, immediately regretted now I keep writing “don’t be mean to mom next time” but I keep thinking about it. Then I think about how I finally left my house today and all the surfaces I touched that could’ve been contaminated and now I’m writing “next time don’t touch this and this”. Then I think about all the things I need to be doing for this week and I’m writing “don’t forget to do this and this” even though I’ve written it 5 times already. This is what happens everyday btw. My brain always thinks about something I need to be doing and making me anxious that I’ll forget it which is why I write it down on my notes app. I’m sooo mentally exhausted I need help pls!! Anyone have any advice ? I used to think I need to stop the writing but really I need to stop the anxious thoughts coming into my head . People say I need to accept the thoughts and let it go but that’s too hard for me

It's been a year since I've been able to stay home alone. I don't know how to fight this. I feel like the world will collapse on me. That the house will cave in. Or I'll just lose my mind and scream and run outside screaming and saying the world is falling type thing. I don't know how to help myself. I'm to scared to even try to be alone. I have to have my son 18 stay home with me or my aunt stay with me when my son does leave. It's horrible. I feel like I'm holding my son back from so much. I don't know how to beat this. Please help

does anyone else with this theme hate to be alone?? i deadass get panic attacks when i’m left alone and i sit and watch the time until whoever is coming back because im so scared. i get scared that when im alone im going to lose control and act on my thoughts. my mind goes “oh your alone now nobody would know” or “your alone so you won’t feel guilt”. i hate this so much and as much as i try to deal with it i feel it never gets better. it doesn’t help that i have agoraphobia now either. i need tips!