I can’t stop

I can’t even get out of bed this thought is killing me! If I have a different opinion on a controversial topic to my partner does that mean we can’t be together? Does that mean I have to leave them because I can’t support that opinion on the topic? I saw a TikTok that said I couldn’t be with someone who has a different opinion like thsg to me, one that is very controversial and it’s killing me. I have fallen so so so hard for this guy that I’m seeing, to the point I can’t see anyone else being for me, but after finding out this way he thinks it’s sorta made me think shit I can’t be with him because society have out this label on people who have different options to others and now I’m stressed out! I don’t even know if he truly has this opinion, we’ve had the conversation 3 times and he’s always had a different view, like the 2nd time he mentioned it, it was like he was trying to see how much he could push me away by making it up, the first time he mentioned it he made it clear he wasn’t the option and didn’t think that way so it’s got me confused! I’m scared if I talk to him about it then imma find something out about him I don’t like. Which then means I have to leave him and leave my haply space. Leave the guy who makes me feel all these amazing feelings. I don’t want to do that but if I don’t then I’m scared society is going to hate me and attack me. I’m hurting so bad right now, I think I’m gonna have to tell him my thoughts but I don’t know what to do

Jo0jsjd

Date posted: 2y

Can I just say that I think there are also different levels of ‘disagreements’. I don’t know if this helps, but being in a relationship always requires us to accept some degree of uncertainty… We can’t be 100% aligned ALL the time, we can’t guarantee that we don’t grow apart...and we might not even be together forever. But do you want to be together today? Can you openly talk about your different views? Can you see a future with this person that aligns with your goals and values? If the answer is yes, than make the rules that work for you 💜

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@joana. You’re so right and I know you are, and my answer to all of those questions are yes. But the problem for me is when I talk about different views and let’s say maybe they are opposing views, I’ll feel like I’d have to stop associating with that person or tell everyone around me that I don’t agree because if I don’t I feel like I’m gonna be hated. I can’t make decisions for myself because of this ocd, I have to constantly ask people around me if this is okay or if my decision is correct. We’ve not really talked about our goals and values, but what if I find out our goals are the same but our values may be slightly different, does that mean I have to end things with him? If I’m being honest I think the reason I’m stressing about having to leave him for other people or for the fact I disagree with him. I’m scared, I’m so scared I don’t wanna leave him

Lungelo

Date posted: 2y

All I CAN SAY IS YOU’RE NOT ALONE , IT WILL GET BETTER.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@Lungelo Thank you! It’s honestly killing me inside I just want to be able to be with him without these constant thoughts?

LivingBetter...

Date posted: 2y

I can relate. I certainly have worried over similar thoughts in my relationship. But if it's any consolation I have been with my partner for ten years and we hold extremely different opinions on social/political subjects, but our core values do align.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Thank you for making me feel less alone. I think I’m also scared and overthinking that our core values don’t align and what that means for our relationship. He’s said some things that make me believe that yet at the same time I think I’m thinking too heavily on them and making them bigger than they are. I just I don’t want to leave him

LivingBetter...

Date posted: 2y

Yeah I hear you. I still think that way about my relationship sometimes. Definitely part of my OCD, I give way to much of my time to a harmless thought.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I think I do as well, they feel like they are much more important than they actually are. I wanna be able to live my life without this constant burden. But what happens if our core values don’t align completely? Does that mean I can’t be with him or is that just the OCD talking?

Lungelo

Date posted: 2y

I know hey , i feel the same way too about someone i wanna go on a date with and it’s so awful.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 2y

@Lungelo It really is, i honestly hate this for us so much we deserve to just go have fun and not care. We don’t have this opinion so can we really keep torturing ourselves??

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Partners difference in views

I was good with my themes kinda, and then I felt the ocd switch so that was expected. But this one feels different, since my ocd I’ve been more accepting of gay people, I believe in God and that he created life and people as they are, and don’t believe that it’s necessarily wrong to be gay, but my boyfriend believes that being gay is a sin, he’s not discriminating or disrespectful to anyone. He has never let it impact the way it treats anyone like ever. This topic has only come up in conversation like twice in the 4 years we’ve been together and both times it was while I had soocd so it felt super sensitive to talk about. But now, I’m grasping more with seeing him as his own person again and not comfort for my ocd, so my ocd is clinging onto this one difference between us and it truly feels now like this is a dealbreaker, even though this has never impacted our relationship together at all. It wouldn’t impact the way we raise our kids or treat other people but just the fact that he thinks that makes me ocd think it’s enough that I’ll want to find someone else with the same view as me. I know deep down I don’t want to break up because when I’m not focused on this flaw, I feel happy and in tune with him. Does anyone have any advice ?:(

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

I think he hates me

So I was talking to this one polyamorous guy but we had been friends before we started talking romantically. Anyway one day he has a mental breakdown and he says he can't do polyamory rn (for reasons I won't get into but I think they're valid) and I was like that's fine. But now it just feels like we can't talk to each other. I am either terrified that I won't be able to talk to him cause I will be too upset or I am terrified he won't talk to me because he hates me. We used to talk nonstop everyday but now we haven't talked for three days. And I don't know if it's me or him, or maybe I am just losing it. But all I want to do is talk to him. I am always checking his socials just trying to see if he's online and wondering if he will or why won't he text me. Anytime we do talk, it's always like a two sentence exchange. Maybe it's him, maybe he needs space, but everytime I see him (we go to college together) he seems to be happier, everytime he posts on twitter he seems happier, I don't know. I just want him to like me. I want to talk to him. I am scared I have to stop talking to him completely, because in the past I have never gotten over someone unless someone else comes in and takes their place so it isn't like we can take a break and then I come back and everything's good. It would likely take a long time, and it's only been like 4 months since we started talking 😭 (I am so cooked). I don't know why I am like this. I wish I could be normal about him/other people. I don't know if I am just in an OCD spiral or not, but I just want it to be over. Sorry for the rambling, but if anyone has any advice I will consider it.

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

im scared

my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd

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