Honestly I don’t know where to start. I cry myself to sleep last night in fear and pain. Praying to Jesus to take it and then I felt peace. The thoughts are - everything happens even if you do believe in God anyways so don’t -He isn’t real and you are just imagining when He saves your life -there is no God -is it just your viewpoint on life that’s fake And then I see people saying that with ocd you imagine God saying things. Except w/out God I am empty. And I got this sick feeling when I have these thoughts. And I just can’t anymore, I can’t do this anymore. Everyday gets worse and therapy says to mediate and I have every breathing and meditative process but none of it works. And whenever I set my emotions beside to think. Thoughts say Jesus is just words. I am depressed and can’t live alive anymore, my anxiety breaks me down when I’m home alone if ocd doesn’t- I’m so sacred someone will break in and kill me, I don’t wanna go to hell, and I don’t wnat to loose the people around me, I don’t know who I am w/out Jesus. And then the thoughts are saying it’s just faith in Jesus those things would have happens anyways. And I have picked up so many types of ocd- contamination, hoarding, I couldn’t breath or swallow without choking, hand washing till my hands were raw, pure o (scared I was going to rape little kids, kill family members, kill random people or mass amounts of people, thinking I’m lesbian, cursing God, inappropriate thoughts, rumination of good and bad, thoughts about allah (anti God thoughts) evolution thoughts. Checking doors every night or staying up at night so no one would come into our house and hurt us. When I was home alone I would sit w a knife so no one would hurt me. For a little bit I couldn’t stop cleaning at night. I couldn’t stop touching corners. I just can’t anymore. And I don’t know what to do. Now I’m having thoughts that I am going to get cancer or someone is going to kill me. And thoughts that God isn’t real. The depression gets so bad I think about quitting on things I love. I have no joyfilled feelings. I don’t wnat to be in this world I wnat to be w Jesus. He fills me up inside. But everyone I say that I think about how killing people could fill me up inside. The thoughts they never go away and once I do conquer one another theme comes. Idk what to do