Erp might not work for me.

I was watching a movie about the world ending and it was making me have a panic attack. And yet when my mind keeps racing and won’t shut up about my pocd I don’t get the same reaction. It’s when my first initial reaction when I just look at a kid is groinal responses and fluttering heart. I never even cared about kids but of course when a tiny human is brought into our family all of these thoughts started to rise. It was so bad yesterday that I could barely eat or concentrate at work yesterday. It’s really making me believe it’s not pocd and I’m actually a pedophile. This erp stuff isn’t working. First it’s okay for a while and then it gets bad like this and I just feel so lost and scared again. Please God help me. Just make this go away. Im not strong enough for this.

ReadyForImpr...

Date posted: 2y

This is actually quite common, so keep doing ERP! As you do ERP, and it starts working, OCD tries harder to get your attention so it steps up its game. You'll feel like you're "getting worse" or that it's not working but if you keep working on response prevention and non-engagemsnt responses, it'll settle again. Check out NOCD blog posts about "backdoor spikes" - it might help. I have these ups and downs, especially when I work on a new exposures or move up my hierarchy... and it *always* feels like OCD is getting worse or ERP isn't working, but it's temporary. I hope it helps to know you're not alone in this and that the struggle you're having is expected, but that it gets better. It may pop up periodically, and it'll feel awful, but it's OCD lying to you so don't give up! xoxo

Morpheus 75

Date posted: 2y

ERP is very complicated to put in place whatever the OCD. It's true OCD is a fucking disease tho I did have these thoughts when I was 17 awful. I kinda overcame this by accepting the possibility of being a pedo each time Iwas scared of it. Because I ended up realising that that's actually my fear that generates the OCD for the most of it. So each time OCD told me, with groinak response and all the shit with it, that I was pedo I was like "oh yes so good love this etc. Wasn't easy but it worked.

Chris84

Date posted: 2y

That's exactly what has to be done amd is so hard, good for you!

somebodyelse

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Morpheus 75 Does that actually help though? I feel like I’m just accepting something I don’t want. What if I find out that I am a true pedophile by accepting this fact? I’m supposed to go to my little brothers graduation tonight. What if my pocd just gets in the way of me just being happy for my little brother?

Morpheus 75

Date posted: 2y

@somebodyelse I'm not saying it's easy for sure. I'm just saying that OCD comes through our resilience each time we're afraid of it. It's definitely something hard to handle I just want you to know that you're not alone and that from my experience, controlling our fear blocks the infernal spiral of OCD. You would love to be different for now bc of your ocd but you are who you are and need to accept it. Since OCD is your desease, like for all of us here, you must be in adéquation with ocd's rules and one of the rules of it is: the more you back out, the more you freak out, and the more ocd eats your resilience, particularly with pedo-related fears. I remember being so overwhelmed at such a point I was certain I was a pedo, and when I realized that the fear feeded my OCD, I decided to act up by exposing myself each time my OCD told me "don't go there if there are children you freak or else you will snap and do a fucking pedo thing" and I was like "nope OCDick, not this time, I'm going there anyway and I'm gonna fuck my fear up". And It worked. If I was afraid of grabbing a child's hand of kiss the cheek or have a little boy/girl on my laps, that's Hen I knew I had to do it. It is very, very freaky and scary because even your body kinda makes you feel that you like this, but after awhile things improved so much I was like "man I was right! The thoughts are normal everyone question themselves, but our fears are disproportionate, hence the obsession. Tell me how it goes if you need advice I'm here ✌️.

💟

Date posted: 21w

therapy

it feels like therapy isn't working at all, like I've been super reluctant to participate or try and get better. I was doing really well at first but I've been in a slump with it lately, and the idea of doing exposures again makes me really scared. Like, I know if have to do them to get better but I'm so afraid that I'll pick something, watch it, and think the child character is attractive and start fantasizing about them. Like what if the only thing keeping me from doing that is because I've been avoiding them? Also is it normal for pocd to convince you that you prefer one gender more strongly than the other? Bc for some reason it feels more real with boys than it does girls (I'm mostly straight) and like.. idk I'm just not feeling good.

POCD

Conquering_OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20w

Hurting so deeply

I am hurting so much right now. I feel sad and disgusted with myself that I would even worry about these things (pocd). What kind of a human even thinks that and has doubts about that?? Definitely not one that’s rational or mentally sane. That kind of stuff should be a no brainer so why do I worry about it so much and what does it say about me? I feel sick and disgusted and can’t stop crying over it. I just feel so defeated like I want to disappear. I started ERP and every time I resist reassuring myself it comes back at me from every angle. I hate this so much.

POCD

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 19w

Pocd 18+

Im at work and work is where my ocd is triggered most. I plugged in the solar panels and remembered my friend whos an electrician. Than i had intrusive thoughts of his daughter and sexual intrusive thoughts. I felt so anxious and am having a hard time breathing. I said a prayer and kept working. Then ocd said was i praying for something inappropriate but thats absurd and not true. Then the intrusivr thought was of female erogenous areas. It was just a thought of a female provate lart. It was like the thought of my friends face then his daughters face then the female erogenous part. So ocd says was the intrusive thought of a adult female erogenous part or a minors. Then ocd says i like adult women so did i like the thought of the female private part. Idk what the thought was it was just a female erogneous part that popped in my head. I know im not a pedophile. I know i dont want ocd thoughts. I know the thoughts made me anxious. Then ocd says if it was a intrusive thought of a small female erogenous part its a pocd intrusive thoughts. If it was a thought of a big female erogenous part it is an adults part. Idk what the thought was tbh now my memorys blurred. I just recall having their faces pop in my head then a thought of a female private part and i remember being super anxious panicking and having a hard time breathing from the anxiety. I know this is indication its ocd and anxiety. I dont like these thoughts and dont want them. Im not a pedophile. Im terrified by the thoughts and i know my anxious reaction disproves the ocd intrusive thoughts and doubts. I know who i am. Im a faithful husband and not a pedophile. I dont want these thoughts it’s distracting me from work as im ruminating and writing this. I feel like crying. I dont want sexual intrusive thoughts. I dont want pocd thoughts. Help!

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Erp might not work for me.

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