I rarely have problems with this disorder these days, but I still have obsessive thoughts regarding relationships and my boundaries. It seems that whenever I invest emotionally with someone, I almost immedietely enter this rollercoaster of various types of obsessive-compulsive sequences that come after each other in the kind of vicious cycle: a) when I am spending lots of time with someone I begin to obsess that I will lose control of my entire life due to them, because all I will ever think about is them and all I will ever do will be talking or spending time with them to the point of neglecting my other duties and self-development. I am scared the new relationship will take all of my time. b) so I compulsively try to limit the effect they have on me by strongly ritualising the contact - restricting it only to certain days, or certain times of the day, et cetera. c) this triggers an avalanche of scrupulous OCD in which not being always available equals bad, failing, neglectful, manipulative friend/partner. I am also tending to have catastrophising obsessions that they will need me while I'll be gone or that they are already angry at me and this will blow up. It leads me to be guilty and in turn idealising them and wanting to make it up to them. d) but once I am returning to contact and try to be helpful and useful sudden obsession comes that reminds me of some random way this person has disappointed me in the past and i start to get severe obsessions about them being abusive and hurting me without me noticing. Attempt to rationalise it provokes counter obsession that I am only rationalising due to Stockholm Syndrome, lol e) then I have this another bout of guilt because rationally I know this person is not abusive yet I still obsess about it and I get another obsession on top of those obsession - an obsession that my preoccupation with the " what if they are abusive?" is somehow visible to the person in question as me being aloof, withdrawn or tense around the person and that will hurt them as they will not know what is going on. So I get the urge to confess all of that and also get reassurance that this will be forgiven. I am not really looking for advice as there's probably not much to advice - with years I have been getting better at ignoring those thoughts and not getting myself dragged into the drama. Still it still keeps happening in any significant relationship I have, episodically, whenever my psychological immunity is lowered because I am overtired or stressed about something, it comes back like herpes lol. I am just wondering if it ever goes away entirely or if this circus will always go on in my head as it's tiring and I sometimes wish my responses to emotional intimacy were just normal for a change