I rarely have problems with this disorder these days, but I still have obsessive thoughts regarding relationships and my boundaries. It seems that whenever I invest emotionally with someone, I almost immedietely enter this rollercoaster of various types of obsessive-compulsive sequences that come after each other in the kind of vicious cycle: a) when I am spending lots of time with someone I begin to obsess that I will lose control of my entire life due to them, because all I will ever think about is them and all I will ever do will be talking or spending time with them to the point of neglecting my other duties and self-development. I am scared the new relationship will take all of my time. b) so I compulsively try to limit the effect they have on me by strongly ritualising the contact - restricting it only to certain days, or certain times of the day, et cetera. c) this triggers an avalanche of scrupulous OCD in which not being always available equals bad, failing, neglectful, manipulative friend/partner. I am also tending to have catastrophising obsessions that they will need me while I'll be gone or that they are already angry at me and this will blow up. It leads me to be guilty and in turn idealising them and wanting to make it up to them. d) but once I am returning to contact and try to be helpful and useful sudden obsession comes that reminds me of some random way this person has disappointed me in the past and i start to get severe obsessions about them being abusive and hurting me without me noticing. Attempt to rationalise it provokes counter obsession that I am only rationalising due to Stockholm Syndrome, lol e) then I have this another bout of guilt because rationally I know this person is not abusive yet I still obsess about it and I get another obsession on top of those obsession - an obsession that my preoccupation with the " what if they are abusive?" is somehow visible to the person in question as me being aloof, withdrawn or tense around the person and that will hurt them as they will not know what is going on. So I get the urge to confess all of that and also get reassurance that this will be forgiven. I am not really looking for advice as there's probably not much to advice - with years I have been getting better at ignoring those thoughts and not getting myself dragged into the drama. Still it still keeps happening in any significant relationship I have, episodically, whenever my psychological immunity is lowered because I am overtired or stressed about something, it comes back like herpes lol. I am just wondering if it ever goes away entirely or if this circus will always go on in my head as it's tiring and I sometimes wish my responses to emotional intimacy were just normal for a change

Hello all, I don’t have insurance at the moment (lost eligibility due to me making more money, but not enough to afford medication and visits) and have been struggling a LOT. When I was going to therapy, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder. I never got to expand on other mental health concerns I had and it bothers me that I can’t receive the proper advice that I need. If this is not allowed, I completely understand (and you may delete) but I figured I’d give this app a shot to get some clarification and knowledge on the topic. I experience MANY intrusive thoughts that destabilize my relationships and daily mood. I always pitched it to be my B2D symptoms, but the more I read into OCD or rather, Relationship OCD, I feel connected to others’ experiences. My boyfriend has been cheated on in the past—to such a bad degree, that it can be hard for him to trust me. I have never been cheated on nor have I ever thought cheating was okay, but I experience nearly daily intrusive thoughts that I am a horrible partner. Even worse yet, the intrusive thoughts often include overanalyzing my body language and making myself believe that I am somehow presenting myself in a way that would make men “like” me and therefore convincing my boyfriend that I am or will cheat on him if given the chance. It gets so bad that when my boyfriend questions an interaction I have with a dude, I freeze and become so panicked that I feel as though I am “giving away” that I did something wrong—even though I didn’t do anything at all. I am fiercely loyal to people in my life and could never imagine hurting anyone, so the very thought that I could “potentially” do this gnaws away at my social comfortability and self-confidence. I always feel as though I’m a horrible person and I am constantly trying to “make up” for something I didn’t even do. I’ll cry myself to sleep ruminating on every detail of the moment I had these thoughts or when I spoke to my boyfriend about it. It just haunts my thoughts honestly and makes socializing impossible nearly all the time. Eye contact has been a huge problem for me lately even—as if eye contact seals the deal on me being an “unfaithful” partner. Or laughing! Because if I show any sort of interest in the conversation—no matter how respectful and short it is—I believe it’ll spiral into my boyfriend leaving me (which is completely ridiculous and not true!) It’s almost like imposter syndrome in a way—because I feel as though no amount of reassurance or truth that I am a kind, loyal girlfriend, I will eventually ruin it anyway so I don’t deserve respect or affirmations. And it’s not even just with my boyfriend. Friends I have lost in the past clutter my mind as well. I have constant guilt and regret over potentially being a horrible friend despite how hard I fought/fight to keep that person in my life. Honestly, it gets to a point now where I’m convinced I will mess up any form of relationship I have eventually so I suppress my feelings or thoughts that could potentially upset people or make them question if I am really valuable in their life (often I can feel detached from people while being physically present with them because I get so lost in my head about what-ifs or where to look or if I’m causing someone to feel uncomfortable or that what they are or I’m saying isn’t satisfying the “ideal” friendship) . I let people walk all over me, deal with uncomfortable settings to avoid conflict and struggle to assert myself or have any sense of who I truly am with other people. It has put such a strain on me and my relationships, especially my best friend and my boyfriend and I’s relationships—which hold highest priority in my life at the moment. It can be hard to “let go” of people because it’s just another person who I have failed—including my own family members whom have definitely given reason for me to be not close with them. I also struggle with perfectionism and order during “stressful” situations, to the point where I will put myself into an anxiety episode over the simplest changes, unexpected accidents or things not going to plan. Again, this could very well be a symptom of Bipolar, but it truly causes me to blow situations WAY out of proportion and convince myself that I will never resolve it or make things better unless I can set it exactly how it was supposed to be in my head. The executive dysfunction is real on that one…To some, it could be procrastination. Or even just my cycles rapidly changing. But it affects my outlook on most things—financial matters, relationships, responsibilities, hygiene, cleaning. I can go from having complete confidence in doing something, to being doubtful that I could even get myself to get out of bed because I know I won’t do what I need/want to do. Sometimes I’ll even elaborately plan a course of action the day before and then when the time comes to do it, I lose control of my will to do it due to my intrusive thoughts. I do NOT expect anyone to “diagnose” me and I’m not sway the audience into agreeing with me in any way. I truly only want to hear your experiences, and if you also struggle to differentiate if you’ve been properly diagnosed or have overlapping symptoms that you can relate in some way. I want to better understand OCD and possibly connect with people who have had the same experiences. I appreciate any feedback—as long as it’s beneficial to this discussion and helping anyone else who struggle with the same thoughts—or even struggling to identify yourself or afford treatment! I just am curious, and honestly needed to have a platform to express some deep stuff I haven’t really discussed with anyone else besides my boyfriend. Thank yall for reading/listening regardless!

Themes constantly switching. I’ve been suffering with real event ocd the last year and am currently in therapy treating it. it’s nowhere near as bad as it was last year and it’s felt like a nice break. there’s days where it gets bad but i can’t compare it to the stress of last year. However i’ve noticed every time i overcome a theme a new one hits me out of nowhere. i’ve suffered with ocd since i was 9, and ive had multiple themes. i’m in a 2 year relationship with my partner and it’s amazing. she’s probably my second proper relationship due to the fact my first relationship gave me so much fear to get into another one as i was cheated on, and needed a few years to get over that. i kind of guessed that ROCD would creep in at some point as it just felt inevitable. anyways, i know my partner is not cheating on me, she’s beyond loyal, we are so so in love but i think due to that first relationship i had, being cheated on really messed with my head. it’s like my brain is telling me my partner has someone else even though i know in my heart nothings going on, and i trust her with my life. i also think because im in the happiest relationship of my life, anything that would indicate loosing her makes me feel sick and riddled with anxiety. and i know that’s completely normal for everyone. i think the most frustrating thing is, is knowing that my OCD has finally crept into my relationship which is something i never wanted it to do. this is a brand new theme and i have no idea how to treat this. i will speak to my therapist but if anyone has been through this theme and any advice in the meantime i would really appreciate it :).

Hi I'm new to all of this so I hope I'm doing this right. 5 years ago my 34 year marriage ended. My ex husband was a mentally and financially abusive, covert narcissist. All that is behind me now and I'm finally remembering who I am again. I'm in a relationship with a really great guy but the problem I'm having is relationship OCD. This has taken me by surprise really as I've had OCD from a very young age but never has it been about my relationship. I constantly check messages and go over and over conversations and convince myself my partner will eventually cheat. Almost every single person in his life I can feel threatened by and I hate this for him and also for me as I don't have any peace of mind. This is ruining the lovely relationship I know I could have so I really need to get a handle on it. Has anybody else experienced this and managed to control it?