Confession as a compulsion vs a genuine need?

How can you tell if you feel the urge to confess because it's a compulsion or because the person you want to confess to genuinely needs to know that information? I deal with real event OCD based on an event that no one will be affected by unless I confess it to them, but I've been having a flare up that's telling me that I don't have OCD and that I am just feeling normal guilt because I haven't disclosed the event when I should have. How do I know if I feel like not confessing is morally wrong because it actually is morally wrong and I need to seek forgiveness, or because my OCD is trying to convince me to give into a compulsion? Would it be better to just confess regardless so that I can stop worrying about whether or not I'm doing something wrong by keeping it to myself?

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

This is a perfect opportunity to practice ERP, you are uncertain, you are questioning, practice sitting with this uncertainty, maybe it is unethical, maybe not. I know it’s hard, I know you feel like if you just had an answer you could move on, but this is OCDs trick to keep you stuck. Whether or not something is ethical, whether or not you caused harm, whether or not you may get sick, whether or not you love your partner, these are all uncertainties that we must allow to be there. Trying to get reassurances from me or anyone else is a compulsion and, believe me, life can be so much better than what your going through right now. Instead of questioning go do something you enjoy, maybe do something for someone else, follow your values, not the discussion going on in your head. Stay strong and resist compulsions. Take care❤️

grazziemh

Date posted: 2y

@VGH I will try. Thank you so much.

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Hi, here is something I wish someone would have told me when I started my OCD recovery work. If you are asking yourself these questions, if there is a conversation going on in your head about whether you should or shouldn't wouldn't it be better, etc., you are ruminating and that is a compulsion (as is confessing). Compulsions keep us stuck in the OCD cycle, and tell our brains that we cannot have any uncertainty. Even if you confessed so that you could stop "worrying", there would still be doubt and uncertainty. You may have temporary relief, but doubt would creep back in, about this subject matter or something else, and you just taught your brain "Nope, can't deal with any uncertainty!" and you will again be struggling with this decision to do compulsions again. The most important thing I did to get better was to cut out compulsions. It feels terrible, it feels like you're making a big mistake, but you learn to accept that feeling all in an effort to get your life back. The thing is, once you accept uncertainty, you actually start to feel a lot more certain. It takes practice though. This may help https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNi7wVGe-To Take care:)

grazziemh

Date posted: 2y

@VGH I appreciate your response so much. Would this also apply in an instance where it is morally grey or even unethical to not confess? I'm worried that my event will only be redeemable if I make amends, even if no one right now knows or is affected by what I did. I don't know how to tell when it is actually necessary to confess an event, and I'm worried that treating it as a compulsion and allowing myself to resist it is unethical and will compound that I am a bad person and don't deserve to be around people.

grazziemh

Date posted: 2y

@grazziemh I don't actually Know that it is unethical to keep this information to myself, but I'm worried that it is. I have spoken to a few people who had nothing to do with the event and they both said that it was unnecessary to confess to the person I want to confess to, but I am having a hard time believing them.

Sunny87

Date posted: 21w

“Lying by omission”

FINALLY identified a core fear of mine and it is deceit and lying by omission. My biggest compulsions are confession & rumination. I immediately WANT to confess to whoever the theme is about, BUT since I am NOT acting on the compulsion (*yay*), I feel like I am lying by omission. For example, I will think of a mistake I made in the past, become anxious at the thought that my partner would break up with me over it, and then I want to confess so that he has all the information he needs to make an accurate decision on if he wants to be with me. Otherwise, I feel as though I am withholding pertinent information and his decision to be in a relationship with me is based on lies & fabrication. On one hand I am proud of myself for not compulsively oversharing / acting on compulsivity. On the other hand I worry I am stepping out of my values of honesty & integrity. Or perhaps worse, claiming “compulsion” in the name of hiding from the possibility of whatever consequence may result in me sharing the mistake. Any recommendations?

Sillygoose27

Date posted: 8w

OCD Guilt

I can’t help but feel so anxious because of guilt. I feel guilty about not sharing everything about my OCD to my partner, but because I understand that confession itself is a compulsion and would not help anyone. I feel so anxious too that if all my fears come true and she finds out, then it would be so devastating for everyone especially her. Does anyone feel the same thing? How could I change my perspective on this?

marryyyy

Date posted: 6w

moral , event , cheating OCD i need help please !!

I’m currently in a very emotionally stressful situation with my partner. We had a huge argument because I did something I had promised not to do again: I looked at my ex-partner’s profile. To me, it didn’t have any real emotional meaning. It was impulsive, meaningless, almost automatic. But my partner was deeply hurt – and I understand why. I told him about it. We talked. It was hard. But after that, things got even worse for me. I suddenly remembered that it didn’t just happen once. And since then, I’ve been stuck in this thought loop and I don’t know if it’s OCD or not So, should I tell him that it was more than once?”– if I should tell him, even if it might mean he’ll leave me. Should I confess this? I urgently need advice. I don’t know if this is OCD or not – the thought suddenly came to me in that situation. I have been formally diagnosed with OCD. But if I know that my partner would see this as very serious and might possibly leave me over it – shouldn’t I still tell him? I feel so awful and I’m having panic attacks. Is this OCD?

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Confession as a compulsion vs a genuine need?

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