- Username
- Xyz
- Date posted
- 1y ago
HOCD and hypervigilance
I've noticed myself becoming so hypervigilant and on the look out for triggers or anything that could possibly trigger me. Sometimes when walking on rhe streets I'd always see things that trigger me (e.g. rainbow or women dressed like tomboy, avoiding circles or spheres) and sometimes because I get so hypervigilant I might have the same anxious reaction to the opposite sex (which is what I was always attracted to) and then it leads to a spiral of 'wait why did I react anxious or feel anxiety when seeing that guy or seeing something that looked like a p***is). For example, today i was in the kitchen and was feeling super hypervigilant when picking up bowls or any utensils that in my head were sphere shaped or in some crazy way resembled a woman's chest area (i can't even say the word sometimes). My mum was holding a chilli (which could potentially or in my head be associated with a male private part) but because I was so hyperaware before, I had the same anxious reaction to when I turned and saw the chilli. And that made me question myself even more like 'what if i don't want to be with a man? Or what if this meant that i was gay/bi?' Also with checking sometimes are people sometimes unable to imagine? (Like checking if feeling aroused by imagining a woman naked) - sometimes it works to imagine it and i feel nausea but there are times where i can't imagine it and it scares me like what if it's true or i liked it this whole time?