ROCD, SOOCD

I am writing this post in hopes that maybe someone will find comfort in what I have gone through. I was diagnosed over a year and a couple months ago with OCD. I suffered with thoughts of thinking I was gay, I was a bad friend or talked too much. I believe all of my checking compulsions and ocd started in my childhood. I would check by asking people what they thought of me, and i would check to see i was gay by looking at guys and asking if im attracted to them also trying to not even give off the indication of gay by being the manliest of man i could be. In truth as we all know ocd just plays off fear so i squashed that when i learned to accept uncertainty and that i would fully know (thanks to nocd therapists). I started dating my gf before i was diagnosed and she has supported me the whole way through it all. Just wanted to throw that in there now back to the story. Ocd then latched onto this thing called pegging and i struggled with this for months of wondering if i liked it or that i would be gay if i did, through erp with the amazing therapists at NOCD worked through that. Now i have been going through alot of rocd things where i think that people think i talk to much, me having intrusive thoughts/looking at other women is cheating and that i am a terrible bf, then thoughts if my gf is cheating on me and is hiding it and all that. My therapist is currently helping me and she has helped me a ton and i have been in recovery for quite a while now and i can say it does get better you just gotta keep working on it. Rumination is my biggest compulsion and i have gotten so much better at it and in time im sure you will too.

jorgealv

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

What are some tips that I can do when I’m having feelings that i don’t love my partner and I’m struggling to find a reason ? I do I’m struggling with ROCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@jorgealv Accept that that maybe you dont love partner or maybe you do. OCD is all about certainty but if you accept the uncertainty by saying maybe i do maybe i dont and sitting with that and what i like to do is use mindfulness it really helps ground me.

jorgealv

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Thank you 🙏🏼

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Thanks for this post, I have a similar story to you, also experiencing so ocd very badly right now and even starting to experience trans ocd, I’m also in a relationship with a girl and I love her, but my thoughts think what if I don’t love her and actually like men and all kinds of stuff that I’m scared and then I seek reassurance. I just started seeing a NOCD therapist recently and from your experience does ERP really help? Also I have a question did you experience trouble during intimacy with your partner? that one that really affects me because all the thoughts that bother me seem to pop up a lot during sexual activity and it really triggers me??

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous ERP is tremendously helpful, but you have to commit even though it is 100% uncomfy. to answer your second question, i was physically present w her but mentally i would spiral just like your saying but through erp and practice at mindfulness i would be able to weather the storm and it stopped happening. Every now and again a thought will hit my brain while we are being intimate but i do my response prevention and continue doing what i am doing. easier said than done of course. Youre not alone and it does get better just trust the process.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Thanks appreciate it, sometimes the doubt is so strong and contradicts all my progress but I have faith ERP can help me

f7nn

Date posted: 24w

My current predicament

Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 14w

so ocd and bisexuality

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

melly07

Date posted: 13w

rOCD

I wanted to talk about my experiences with rOCD since I currently do still suffer from it but I know if I talked about them. My thoughts are just gonna get stronger, but I’ll do it for the sake of talking about my experiences to others who feel like they’re alone. I have a very loving relationship actually my first healthy relationship we are currently still dating one year and six months. I would say these intrusive thoughts started to happen once I hit the one year mark with him. Nothing in the relationship has made me think these thoughts, but it just came. Like when my mind tried to make me think I liked another guy other than my boyfriend and that I was losing feelings for him. I started to panic because I knew that my heart belonged to my boyfriend and having thoughts that were against that belief it made me really anxious cause I never had those thoughts before. I was in and out of the care center at my school constantly having anxiety attacks, and it was affecting me day by day. I talk to my boyfriend about it because my mind can never keep secrets from him because then I would feel like that I’m lying to him… my mind just kinda works that way and I believe it’s due to the situation I have with rOCD. Luckily, he was really supportive.. in thoughts I’ve had was what if I don’t like him anymore or if he doesn’t do this does that mean he likes me or if he’s even the one just a lot of doubts about me and him in the relationship. And for anyone who’s experiencing stuff familiar to this you are not alone invalid only what you believe is what is true. And I know it’s gonna be hard to know what’s true or not because these thoughts that you have versus what’s in your heart you get confused but if you know that you love that person then that’s what true. Also, the only reason why it affected me a lot was because I kept trying to solve it and the only solution is to let those thoughts in and accept that you have those thoughts. I don’t mean as an accept that these thoughts are true, but accepts that those are the thoughts that you’re thinking because if you keep on trying to find a solution to remove them, it only just get worse.

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ROCD, SOOCD

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