rocd

My ocd is so bad rn:( I saw old texts of me and my ex where I was being super mean and cussing and I felt bad, I always do when I see something of me doing smthng wrong, but then I remembered he did weird stuff that’s why I was acting like that. But I got this sad feeling in my chest bc of anxiety and worrying bc I felt bad does that mean I miss my ex? I know I don’t. But it’s giving me sad feelings and anxiety feelings in my chest. The thought keeps replaying in my head, what if I miss him? Or am I getting sad thinking about him? None are true. I’m just sad about my ocd. But it feels like I’m sad over him bc the thoughts keep replaying. I feel like I have to confess “oh I just got sad about my ex” to my boyfriend, when i literally didn’t. It just feels like it…. Like I felt bad then got scared bc I felt bad then the anxiety came and the tightness in my chest came and the thoughts keep replaying and so is the feeling. I know I don’t miss anyone, I only love and care abt my bf so why do I feel like this :(

Anonymous78

Date posted: 2y

I get this too. Like, about real events where frankly I didn’t act in a way that’s aligned with my actual values today. But this is a universal experience especially when you’re young. Can you believe some people don’t just ruminate on their wrongdoings 24/7?! EVERYONE makes mistakes and acts in ways they wish they wouldn’t have. And it’s normal to be sad looking at texts with an ex—It’s an emotionally charged thing! But remember who you are NOW! my thoughts always take me out of the present moment in my present life and I hate that so much.

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous78 I only felt a bad feeling bc I saw the way I was acting, then the bad feeling became worse bc my ocd latched onto it scared it meant something else. I don’t feel anything for any past people, I don’t miss any past people or reminisce. I really do love my boyfriend with all my heart. Ocd just makes it super hard to even do anything. Or be in the present moment

Anonymous78

Date posted: 2y

@cs223 I totally understand. You seem like you’re really able to understand what’s going on in your head, which is good and means you’re making progress and are aware!

Emily Soares

Date posted: 2y

I can relate a little bit. My ex and I got off on bad terms after our breakup. Since the relationship was short, I quickly realized I didn’t love her. I was just infatuated at the time. I got into another relationship, and 6 months later my ex is trying to get in touch with me through one of my friends to apologize. My anxiety skyrocketed because she caused me so much emotional distress and trust issues that I am still dealing with to this day, and her trying to get in touch with me made all of those trust issues and anxieties worse. I got over her quickly, but what she did to me I never got over it, and I still struggle with this trust issues. I understand what you’re saying, I get sad and anxious about how she treated me and how she ended things because it has caused me a lot of emotional distress. However, I do not miss her, and I am not sad or anxious because of HER, just her actions.

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@Emily Soares yea I get it, I get sad/anxious seeing the way I USE to treat others, not sad over them, it’s just a morals thing. Also when a guy from my past who made my life hell and harassed me and stalked me, tried to get in contact with me. I felt sad and distressed, he caused a lot of that when he was doing those things to me back then. I didn’t even need to get over him, at all, it’s just what he did was super f-ed up! So I still feel that anxiety feeling.

Emily Soares

Date posted: 2y

@cs223 It’s awful. My ex was seen near my girlfriends house a few times when she had no business being over there considering she lives all the way across the state and goes to school in a different state. I’m constantly worried I’ll see her near my girlfriends house, and she was never violent, but she was a very very good liar and hid a lot of things, so idk what she would do to me if she saw me.

Mariabae

Date posted: 14w

i feel so strange

hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Rocd torture

So I relapse bad 1 time a week now at least and it’s awful. I was ok til I wasn’t this week again. Monday I was crying bc I wanted to be me again and I found tactics to stop my thoughts. I’d be like “well the real me before these thoughts wouldn’t think that” and I’d be ok. But then today I was at school bouta leave and was doing so well. A guy drove by in a pick up and had wut looked like a tan face w rosey cheeks. I had some mini thoughts but I let em pass over until another one came in and I engaged My brain was then like: “oh he has the cute rosey cheeks and tan skin you’d want him coming up to you and flirting bc you want those guys liking you” and it felt rlly real and then saw bro get outs his car and realized he was short and kinda ugly, my mind was then like “it doesn’t bother u now tho bc he’s uglier and shorter than you thought. I bet hair he’s wut you pictured him as you would still rlly want him.” Then I felt awful and then 0.2 seconds later I realized I love my man and wouldn’t want any guy coming up to me. So I tried to chill and let it sit, but then it persisted bc I’m awful. Then I tried to be like “old me would’ve wanted that anyways, but it was like “ye but rn you was kinda real you and felt like it was true. Then I got home and was like old me would’ve never. Then my brain said “I bet if he woulda appeared last yr when you had a huge crush on ur man before u were officially together you woulda talked to jk m in class and found him cute and started crushing for him over ur man” th en my brain like vividly imagined it and it felt true I hate it and then ad the day went on it felt more and more like id want that guy, and it says bc I think he’s cuter then my man bc this guy had the rosy cheeks and tan face. I feel so awful bc even now (many hours later) I feel awful bc my man gets down thinking he’s not enough and wants me to just love him fully but I do and that’s all I want. And I feel awful bc my brain convinces me stuff against him around me are a sign or smth. And u feel terrible he deserves all my love and I love when I can give it all and I wanna cry when it feels there’s someone else there I like or smth. For example it still feels as tho I want the rosy cheeked guy or smth and I’m never gonna find a him and be upset forever. I hate it. I wanna be repulsed by all men that aren’t my man. Why’d it feel true I don’t want it to. And I hate that sometimes I’m unable to decipher if I even want it or not. It’s the worst cycle ever I hate it. How to I fix is it really ocd do I really care ab my man how even can I if I feel like this so often. He even said “sometimes I wonder maybe I’m not the right person or smth. Like if you were with that person maybe this wouldn’t happen” yet no I can’t I love my man😞 pls help Aldo does medication work i wanna get on it to get better

user36373738

Date posted: 13w

Has anyone felt

I’m really anxious because I know my ocd is really bad right now so I shouldn’t try to figure it out cause my thinking is a mess but I’ve been having feelings of like I’m not sure if I love him anymore or worrying that I haven’t felt a lot like numb (a lot because ocd has been getting worse and worse) and thinking of like how I’ve been focusing on the negatives and only been looking at him through that lens and analyzing and also feeling like I don’t want this anymore. Basically just like negative thinking in feeling like I’m really scared it’s that it’s I don’t love him cause I don’t want it to be over and the thought of having someone replace him makes me ill. But like it feels like I’m not seeing him how I used to and it makes me upset. Today I was near someone I was like oh this person is cute and then I was thinking that the possibility of meeting someone new sounds exciting and now I’m freaking out because this in combination with feeling like maybe I don’t love him anymore is bad. Also my thoughts keep changing. and like sometimes it feels like I don’t care at all and this has happened but like worst it’s ever been and then other times I’m like I do care I do still feel. I’m just really anxious has anyone else felt this before and it was still ocd? 😭😭

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