Existential OCD

I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on with me the last couple days like if I have depression or just depressive symptoms because of ocd or what it is because even when I’m calm it’s like I am not satisfied or get scared that I’ll never be happy, and I’ve been saying it’s because I’m so hyperaware of the fact that I am alive and the more I think about it that’s exactly what it is. The existential crisis that comes with this is awful. Like no matter what I do I’m hyper aware of the fact that I’m living and that that can stop at any moment, and I have thanatophobia and suicidal ocd so of course that scares me even more when I think I’ll lose control and hurt myself (I struggle with the inevitability of death and how even if you do everything right a long life isn’t garunteed). I’m aware of the fact that I’m on my phone, and that it’s just a phone blah blah and even other peoples existence. Is anyone else hyperaware of their existence and the fact they that are going through a hard time/miserable while being alive?

sealion36

Date posted: 2y

YES IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR HOW TO PUT THIS I TO WORDS. I just feel like I’m doing life “wrong” and not living by my principles of how I believe people and the world should conduct themselves. I’m hyper aware of the fact that I’m alive in all the “wrong” ways.

sealion36

Date posted: 2y

@sealion36 And I believe the purpose in life is to be happy, yet I am so unhappy, so I am wasting the meaning in life, which makes me worry more……

Ihateocd72

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@sealion36 yes yes yes! I realized this is all ocd making me worry but I worry that there’s no help for this type of thing, even though I know there is, or that specific I’m the only who won’t be able to be helped or that I’m the worst case blah blah blah. It worries me so much because existential crises are common and treatable and curable in those without ocd as well but the fact that we have it is like making it so much worse. Like I e always known I was alive but when we are like worrying about being alive wrongly? It makes us worry and I hate it!

CC Beverly

Date posted: 2y

Thank you all for putting into words a new feeling I've been for the last2 or 3 weeks. I feel like something seriously broke in me when I verbalized fears of death and questions on reality (for the first time in my life) and now I feel pure hopelessness that's its scary and unusual. It's especially weird since I do have harm ocd and I'm literally scared of death and yet now I'm hyper aware of existence but to where I'm asking what's the point? Thank you all for validating this new and scary feeling.

Ihateocd72

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@CC Beverly Hi! I’m sorry you’re going through this:( the what’s the point questions really depressed me and still do. I’m trying to accept that I’ll never know, and I am religious so that helps but even ocd tried to ruin that for a few days. Having harm ocd and suicidal ocd with all of this is the worst possible combination lol for our brains. But we can get through this.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I'm also stuck on the hyper aware of my existence and self harm loop. I think it started mainly because I'm afraid of losing control and I'm over analyzing my actions. I get stuck in thought loops about the nature of consciousness, why were here. How am I really experiencing this. Is my brain like a machine making me do things...which then feeds the fear that I'm going to hurt myself. Of course I'm only thinking these things because of my OCD. Otherwise it wouldn't matter. Cognitive diffusion is the key I've found at handling existential ocd. The thoughts come but you have to just accept you don't know. Ocd wants to grab the unanswerable questions

rjb5

Date posted: 1y

Hey, what therapy helped you best with this? Currently going through it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Yes I've done this the last few months. It's very distressing you're not alone. However we know we're doing this because of ocd. If we didn't have ocd we wouldn't care. Nothing is wrong...except the ocd which is just thoughts. We give value to thoughts. Stay strong all. We're in this together

Anais V

Date posted: 48w

Omg I have suicidal ocd and existential ocd. I always worry that life will get boring one day, etc. which ties into the suicidal ocd. I’m scared of becoming depressed and sometimes when I think too much I trick myself into thinking I’m depressed.

mossy123

Date posted: 16w

Existential ocd

So this past week I’ve had a really bad ocd spiral. I can’t stop thinking about death and what happens after. Because of this, I’ve felt no motivation to get out of bed. I don’t know if it’s burnout from school, depression, or just existential ocd. I can’t focus on the present,and I feel like I’m in a dream like state. I went through a similar time a few years ago, and was able to get out of it. Even if I do accept that death is inevitable, how do I get motivation to do anything when I know it won’t matter in the end? Any tips?

iLounge21

Date posted: 15w

ERP for Existential OCD?

Been struggling with existential OCD lately. Very hard to describe the thoughts/feelings, but it is a constant feeling of being stuck in my head. Like what is consciousness and where do I think from? Like I think it’s OCD, maybe it is maybe it isn’t. But if it is, what would be good ERP exercises? Just existing (lol)? And what would be my response prevention? I’m not even sure what mental compulsions I may be doing.

Existential OCD

user23456789

Date posted: 13w

Existential OCD

Hey guys so I’m new here and just recently started struggling with some health ocd and thinking I had a brain tumor but it’s taken a turn for the worse and become this existential ocd where I’m questioning quite literally everything in my life, the purpose of being here and stuff. I just started meds yesterday, which is scary for me cause I’ve never been on them before. I keep having thoughts like, why does everything feel like a blur, what’s the meaning of this and I wake up every day with just existential dread. I’ve been having very vivid dreams that make dreaming and reality confusing I also am scared cause I’m dealing with some DP/DR as well. I just wish my life could go back to a few months ago before I knew all of this was possible. I guess I’m just writing this too get it off my chest and see if any of you all have gone through something similar and made it out okay?

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Existential OCD

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