I don't think it's ocd anymore. I'm convinced that I'm going to hell and there's nothing I can do. I don't want to i want to go to heaven. these thoughts are killing me. I can't do this anymore.
i’m struggling with religious theme as well, i hope it gets better for u
Do you mind if I ask, are you protestant, Catholic, or something else?
I'm catholic
@Mooooshroom - I'm a Lutheran, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm getting anything wrong here about Catholicism. I hope this is helpful to you and not annoying or preachy, so if it bothers you just ignore everything past this point lol. First off, never underestimate God's ability to forgive or his ability to understand what you're going through. Even Saint Paul was responsible for the murder of Christians before God got to him. I don't know what kind of compulsions you're dealing with, but I'm guessing one of them is confession. The process of confession within Catholicism is a great thing, but unfortunately it is quite literally set up like an OCD loop. You state what you've done that is evil, and the priest gives you reassurance and possibly a number of prayers or Hail Marys. Additionally, Catholic doctrine emphasizes good works and deeds, which you may be tempted to believe you have not done enough of. So while I'm not saying you should stop confession or stop doing good works, understand that in a lot of ways, the church's institutions are set up for people who don't have the broken guilt loop that we have. A normal person would understand that their sins are forgiven. We can't accept that, so much so that we think our need to punish ourselves is greater than God's ability to forgive. Martin Luther, who has the distinctions of having OCD and being excommunicated by the church, would confess his sins for hours on end, so much so that the other priests got sick of his scrupulosity. But the reason he was excommunicated was not because of any of the minor transgressions he confessed to day in and day out, it was because he stood up to the excesses and the sins of the church leadership. Pope Francis agrees with this assessment, at least as far as saying that Luther "delivered medicine" to the Catholic Church via the Reformation. With all that being said, what I'm trying to give you a little relief. But from experience, I know that if it helps, it will eventually lose its ability to do that. I would strongly recommend you do therapy if you haven't done so already. It really does help, if you're with someone who understands OCD. The therapists here are literally the only people I've found within 400 miles of where I live, so I'd really recommend it on this app.
I go through the same thing
Jesus once told a Saint that he would start creation all over just to hear her say “I love you.” He would do the same for you. I’m assuming you’re Christian. God has taught me several lessons in the last two years. I learned His grace is so infinite and so accessible. His very essence is love. Love is to will the good for another. St. Therese said if she were the darkest sinner she would throw herself at the feet of Jesus for mercy. I have struggled for almost ten years with this type of OCD. It was the first theme I ever had. I still have it. Hang on new bubble.
I would do two things. Number one, read “A Story of a Soul” by St. Therese. She had this type of ocd as well and overcame it. Idk if your Catholic or Protestant but it’s a good story for any Christian. Secondly, something you could do anytime the ocd gets bad(or when it’s fine) is the surrender your ocd to Jesus. Don’t ask Him to take it, surrender it to Him. Unite your suffering to His cross. Invite Him in on it. You can ask for healing. You can ask for strength to bear this cross. Whatever you do, surrender it to His will. Bear it with love. As St. Therese said, “If you bear your crops with anger and sadness, if will drag you to the depths of Hell. If you l bear it with live, it will lift you to the heights of Heaven.” That doesn’t mean you seek out suffering, or that you like it. It means that you do it for God. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever be sad or miserable, but when you are you turn that misery over to Jesus. Just as Jesus need help carrying His cross, you need it as well. Let Him help you. He understands the need for help.
I saw in a lower comment your Catholic, I am too. I struggle with these kinds of thoughts as well. But God wants us with him. He doesn’t send anyone to Hell who earnestly wants Him. I know it’s hard to believe in the throes of it all, but God wants to be with you even more than you want Him. Check out St Theresa’s letter to her cousin Marie Guérin. They both had our affliction, and St Theresa’s advice to her cousin gives me much comfort personally.
Scrupulositysolutions.com is so helpful. I understand the pain of these thoughts. Just know that God loves you and is strong enough to hold and keep you, regardless of how you’re struggling. There is hope & freedom🩵
I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.
Lately my OCD has been very horrible, it’s been more convincing than ever to the point where I’m genuinely convinced that I like this stuff, when I get a thought, I’ll hear my intrusive thoughts go “oooh, I like that, I’d do that.” and I just don’t freak out nor feel bad, I just feel like I like it even more, and feel like I would do/act on it and like it, and the feeling is strong and it lingers forever? It genuinely feels like I do, and I’m just lying now, i can’t tell if I make these thoughts worse or anything All I remember mostly just being like confused sometimes when these thoughts happen, but since I’m getting strong emotions that I like it, my brain says that means I did and I’m worried about that being true because I don’t understand nor know It’s like I am resisting to like this stuff now, it’s even tougher now than it was before
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
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