I don't think it's ocd anymore. I'm convinced that I'm going to hell and there's nothing I can do. I don't want to i want to go to heaven. these thoughts are killing me. I can't do this anymore.
i’m struggling with religious theme as well, i hope it gets better for u
Do you mind if I ask, are you protestant, Catholic, or something else?
I'm catholic
@Mooooshroom - I'm a Lutheran, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm getting anything wrong here about Catholicism. I hope this is helpful to you and not annoying or preachy, so if it bothers you just ignore everything past this point lol. First off, never underestimate God's ability to forgive or his ability to understand what you're going through. Even Saint Paul was responsible for the murder of Christians before God got to him. I don't know what kind of compulsions you're dealing with, but I'm guessing one of them is confession. The process of confession within Catholicism is a great thing, but unfortunately it is quite literally set up like an OCD loop. You state what you've done that is evil, and the priest gives you reassurance and possibly a number of prayers or Hail Marys. Additionally, Catholic doctrine emphasizes good works and deeds, which you may be tempted to believe you have not done enough of. So while I'm not saying you should stop confession or stop doing good works, understand that in a lot of ways, the church's institutions are set up for people who don't have the broken guilt loop that we have. A normal person would understand that their sins are forgiven. We can't accept that, so much so that we think our need to punish ourselves is greater than God's ability to forgive. Martin Luther, who has the distinctions of having OCD and being excommunicated by the church, would confess his sins for hours on end, so much so that the other priests got sick of his scrupulosity. But the reason he was excommunicated was not because of any of the minor transgressions he confessed to day in and day out, it was because he stood up to the excesses and the sins of the church leadership. Pope Francis agrees with this assessment, at least as far as saying that Luther "delivered medicine" to the Catholic Church via the Reformation. With all that being said, what I'm trying to give you a little relief. But from experience, I know that if it helps, it will eventually lose its ability to do that. I would strongly recommend you do therapy if you haven't done so already. It really does help, if you're with someone who understands OCD. The therapists here are literally the only people I've found within 400 miles of where I live, so I'd really recommend it on this app.
I go through the same thing
Jesus once told a Saint that he would start creation all over just to hear her say “I love you.” He would do the same for you. I’m assuming you’re Christian. God has taught me several lessons in the last two years. I learned His grace is so infinite and so accessible. His very essence is love. Love is to will the good for another. St. Therese said if she were the darkest sinner she would throw herself at the feet of Jesus for mercy. I have struggled for almost ten years with this type of OCD. It was the first theme I ever had. I still have it. Hang on new bubble.
I would do two things. Number one, read “A Story of a Soul” by St. Therese. She had this type of ocd as well and overcame it. Idk if your Catholic or Protestant but it’s a good story for any Christian. Secondly, something you could do anytime the ocd gets bad(or when it’s fine) is the surrender your ocd to Jesus. Don’t ask Him to take it, surrender it to Him. Unite your suffering to His cross. Invite Him in on it. You can ask for healing. You can ask for strength to bear this cross. Whatever you do, surrender it to His will. Bear it with love. As St. Therese said, “If you bear your crops with anger and sadness, if will drag you to the depths of Hell. If you l bear it with live, it will lift you to the heights of Heaven.” That doesn’t mean you seek out suffering, or that you like it. It means that you do it for God. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever be sad or miserable, but when you are you turn that misery over to Jesus. Just as Jesus need help carrying His cross, you need it as well. Let Him help you. He understands the need for help.
I saw in a lower comment your Catholic, I am too. I struggle with these kinds of thoughts as well. But God wants us with him. He doesn’t send anyone to Hell who earnestly wants Him. I know it’s hard to believe in the throes of it all, but God wants to be with you even more than you want Him. Check out St Theresa’s letter to her cousin Marie Guérin. They both had our affliction, and St Theresa’s advice to her cousin gives me much comfort personally.
Scrupulositysolutions.com is so helpful. I understand the pain of these thoughts. Just know that God loves you and is strong enough to hold and keep you, regardless of how you’re struggling. There is hope & freedom🩵
I have no idea who I am anymore. I have completely lost my self. And idk what to do. Idk where my caring, and loving, chirst like side went. I have lost touch with who I am and everything I once new. I've had ocd for so long that I think it just became me. Or I'm dealing with cognitive Dissonance, which I feel like it probably true. Tbh. But anyways I feel like I'm genuinely gone crazy towards god and idk what to do. I wish I could just go back to myself, and I'm just not sure what to do. I think I turned away from God the only thing that once brought me joy. Just seems so dry now, like I'm empty or whatever. I personally don't think I'll ever be ok again.
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....
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