ROCD and Engagement

Hi all - so over a period of nearly eight years, I have experienced intense ROCD (relationship OCD) with my partner. Last week we got engaged, this wasn't a huge surprise as we were talking about it for months in advance. My intrusive thoughts tend to flare up really badly in times of change, even positive change. When we graduated university, when we moved to our flat, and when I started my job are all times I've had flare ups so the fact that I'm having another flare up now shouldn't have come as a shock - but I'm finding it so hard to cope with. The night of our engagement, after about five mins of initial anxiety from the shock, I was on cloud nine and couldn't wait to tell friends and family and begin planning our wedding. However, the next day, the rumination began. "Have I made a terrible mistake, do I really love him, am I just settling, everyone is so happy for us but I'm faking my emotions, if we're supposed to spend the rest of our lives together I should be happy, not anxious, etc." this has totally ruined our first week of what should be the happiest time of our lives. There are zero red flags in our relationship, in fact, the night before we got engaged I remember thinking to myself that I had honestly never been happier. I'm super lucky in that my partner knows about my anxiety, is so thoughtful, and has been constantly reassuring me that all will be well, we've been here before countless times and have always come through. My parents and best friends have also been super supportive as they know what my triggers are, and I've had some lovely messages from them. I'm looking for good coping mechanisms for how to deal with the thoughts and stop putting pressure on myself, as I'm currently stuck in that horrid cycle of endless reassurance and spikes and it's doing me no good at all. Can anyone who has ever been in a similar situation help? X

Hi all! Curious if anyone else has been similar to my story? ROCD has set in majorly once I talked to my partners parents about proposing, and even got a ring. I had never been diagnosed with OCD before this moment, but it makes sense with a string of my past relationships where I suddenly “lose feelings” after nonstop doubts. After starting this process, I suddenly went through non-stop compulsions, calling everyone I knew who loved me asking if the relationship was right, ruminating endlessly, asking myself why I suddenly felt so much anxiety, and that it must be a sign our relationship isn’t right. Started reflecting back on our entire relationship, remembering moments I felt uncertain, and wondering if they were all signs I needed to break up earlier and didn’t, even though most of our relationship has been full of trust, vulnerability, love, etc. It led to a major depressive episode, where I lost 15 pounds in 2-3 weeks. I started taking Luvox a couple weeks ago, and am doing ERP for the last couple of weeks (though really struggling with it to be honest, because I feel like I constantly cave to ruminations). Currently, my biggest struggle is the thought that occurs that tells me “you two don’t like to do anything together, and you are so different in your interests. You don’t know how to talk to her.” Even though 2 years of our relationship has revealed that we certainly are very different, it didn’t mean we didn’t know how to spend time together, or know how to talk together. But after weeks of that thought happening, I’m finding I feel like I’m almost manifesting it and allowing it to become true. We had a Friday night with no plans where we just got to be together and walk around and spend time, which should be lovely, but I was anxious the whole time and felt like I couldn’t talk or relate. I’m also noticing I’m suddenly questioning if I’m attracted enough to my partner. It feels like I’m self-sabotaging this relationship I’ve had for two years which has been stable, trusting, and encouraging, and I don’t know how to get back to where I was and just feel better, not be overcome with anxiety and fears, and just be confident, and not spiral into “we don’t have anything to enjoy in spending time together, so you need to break up and end this.” This ROCD stuff is no joke. Very excruciating. It’s made me feel like I have to break up, even though I’ve wanted to get engaged. Anyone else had similar situations? I just feel so guilty, because she’s been so excited, and I feel like I’m not able to love her the way she really deserves.

My fiancée and I are planning a wedding and up until recently I haven’t had any “cold feet” or doubt, but now that the wedding is getting closer and closer I’m feeling very anxious about if he’s “the one.” I love him so deeply but I think the permanence of marriage is scaring me. Like I would spend my whole life with him but now that there’s a label on it I’m freaked out?? He’s done nothing to cause this either. He’s an amazing beautiful lovely soul that I would LOVE to spend my life with. I just can’t get over the ruminating part of it. :( I wish I didn’t feel like this. I’ve posted about my ROC before and have posted one during this engagement process. it comes and goes but I’m just feeling very sad that it’s ruining this period of time for me.