- Date posted
- 2y
Constant grieving
Ever since my worst relapse and ocd diagnoses I have this constant grieving feeling towards myself like I lost who I was before.
Ever since my worst relapse and ocd diagnoses I have this constant grieving feeling towards myself like I lost who I was before.
Yeah I really miss the confident me who was content, happy and at peace with myself.
Makes me feel lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
I miss when I wasn't ruminating 24/7, waking up with horrible anxiety or spending all day doing compulsions. Even when I try so hard to resist them I just end up in a spiral. I miss when I was comfortable in my nonbinary identity and didn't have TOCD and now everything feels wrong and conflicting. I miss when I wasn't depressed and disabled. I know I can never get that person back. I haven't seen that person since high school. Ive spent years with this disorder and i havent gotten better despite therapy and meds. I don't know if I'll ever be happy again.
I lost my brother almost a month ago. if feels like it was yesterday. my biggest worry is when i snap out of the denial stage of this grief , that i’m going to lose my mind. it’s a scary feeling and i don’t know what to do. i’m still in therapy and don’t plan on stopping either but i just worry. i’ve cried here and there but all ive done is keep myself busy and distracted from this. i have my moments - i just am in such disbelief.
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