Is anyone else with this subtype absolutely convinced they are suicidal despite not actually wanting to die? I get the worst and sometimes the most convincing thoughts and they scare me when I feel like I believe them. This causes me to question whether I have ocd. They say it can feel so real blah blah but how real can it actually feel I’m confused this is the trickiest subtype ever.
I have suicidal ocd , and it's horrible sometimes I don't know what's real and what's not .
@Anonymous Been struggling with this today, like what if I become depressed or if I just feel tired it will be likely what if your sad, it’s scary because soo start like why am I thinking this, what if it isn’t ocd
I don't have this subtype but I've heard of it and in ocd it's pretty common. The way it can feel real when you don't have the tools to sit with it can be really scary. I think the second part of your first sentence, "despite not actually wanting to die", shows that it isn't real in the way you fear. ERP helps with these the same way it helps with other thoughts and subtypes
It’s suicidal OCD and it’s common. I see posts about this subtype at least 4 times a week.
@Nica Yeah I’ve had for two months but it’s like it’s becoming realer day by day? Or maybe I’m perceiving it that way
@Peaches1127 The more you seek reassurance, check, ruminate, and overall give into compulsions for your OCD, the worse and realer it becomes.
I feel the same way! It comes in bursts and it gets so bad that you dont know what to believe and it makes me so upset sometime to the point of crying! I have no reason to want to die or any of that. But my mind always is “stuck” on that entire concept. Its beyond frustrating and upsetting
@rprimo01 OMG yes! You described this so well. It literally makes me so upset. I’m so grateful to be alive and have my life, it’s so upsetting. My whole thing is even if I truly feel that way I want help for it immediately. I get so stuck on it it’s terrifying and so negative! It’s like Walking around feeling like a threat to yourself
@Peaches1127 Definitely! I’m still relatively new to all this and everybody says it does take a while before it gets better. Just have to take it one day at a time and know that one day it will!
@hellokittylover27 I know you posted this quite a while ago but how are you feeling lately? This is my same “theme” and after 3-4 months of so much progress, the panic/fear has returned with a vengeance. I’m literally so scared + wanting to cry anytime these thoughts come up!
@mamaonamission_x3 I’m doing much better. I’m medicated now and such. BUT the problem is I am so preoccupied with the thoughts/feelings (even tho I feel better) that I’m not sure if I have both Intrusive SI and actual SI. I want to cry with how frustrated it makes me feel. It’s genuinely like I want to end my life all of the damn time. I’ve been dealing with this for almost 6 months
@Ihateocd72 I feel your pain. Quite frankly, I think the very “fear of fear” is what keeps it alive. And I say so because I’m struggling with the same. It’s the LAST thing I want to do, yet, “in the thick of it” it feels SO REAL. Have you tried therapy?
@mamaonamission_x3 I am in ERP! i also am starting regular therapy soon
Hello ! How's everyone doing ?
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
