My boyfriend and I celebrated an anniversary yesterday and we exchanged cards. He wrote the sweetest things on it, telling me what he was loves about me. Of course my OCD brain tried to look for loopholes. Does anyone experience this? At some point it finally “clicked” for me and the OCD disappeared but later wiggled its way in again. How can I just enjoy my relationship for what it is and not analyze every single thing that is said?! My OCD beats words and meanings to the ground and nothing makes sense sometimes.

Yes. It helps me to write down everything. As far a dissecting, just be careful. Don’t give OCD obsessive thoughts any reverence, time, credit, or value. Give them nothing. No meaning. They are fake even they seem so real. Hell Im telling you this and I know it, but still get caught by one before I realize it, label it and force myself to refocus on something else and ignore it. But again yes. Write down everything. Then go back in a few weeks and you will see it much more clearly for what it is. And you will see your progress.

First, Do not write down why it is irrational. You ARE adding fuel and feeding the OCD. What you are doing is a compulsion which makes the OCD worse and makes it stronger. It is irrational because it is a hurtful twisted lie from an OCD brain. That is it!! No explaining or dissecting! The difficult part, which is the part that will eventually help reduce the intensity, is to leave the thought alone and redirect your thoughts to another activity. You can’t stop the irrational thought from popping up, but you can stop the compulsions of reviewing and dissecting thought over and over and over. This is difficult and it hurts my heart and stirs painful emotions to leave it alone. It scares me that I am missing something. But until I have the courage to withstand the pain while I redirect to another activity until the anxiety goes down, it will not ever get better. My foundation for CBT is a book called Brain Lock by Swartz. The four steps to OCD recovery anchor all my therapy. And it goes seamlessly wit all the other things that work. As for what I write down. I write down all my experiences of the day. How I did. How I reacted. Did I redirect? Did I mess up? What did I learn? Do I feel good today. Do I feel awful? I write down everything I learned about OCD therapy that day because I read all there is on OCD therapy such CBT, Exposure Response Prevention, mindfulness, and ACT. And I used to hate to read and I have never kept a journal in my life. But when I finally got tired of this shit ruining my life, I was willing to face the terrifying fears and do the hard work. My heart goes it to you. I just told you what works. And it does work.

And I also have to have something to do or to work towards to help me. There are many CBT exercises and ACT exercises that you can actively do to change the way your brain works and the way you handle thoughts. Look for activities on tolerating uncertainty. And you can challenge the thoughts, but you need an expert guide in a workbook, or OCD specializing therapist so you make sure you give the irrational thought no credit or value whatsoever.

And by the way, it sounds like you have a very supportive boyfriend. That’s a great thing.

I’m glad to know there is someone else out there too who is getting better and struggling sometimes because it is hard work. It gives me hope and a little more motivation. Memorize the 4 steps in that book. It will help.

Yes. I experience the same thing with my girlfriend. She is a wonderful person. You are definitely not alone. Yesterday, I wrote in a journal that uncertainty really sucks when a little of it is normal and expected and that gets tangled up in twisted hurtful irrational OCD obsessions. Just like me, you have to keep labeling those irrational thoughts what they are; pure trash to be given no value and keep moving through. I have learned that I have to keep doing my cbt therapy. I have to go through the fears and confront them to help change my brain. Find an expert in OCD. Read Brain Lock. Read ACT therapy. Find out how to do exposure response prevention. It sucks. It is not easy. It hurts. But it works and you will get relief.

Great advice. Do you find that if you write down your thoughts and label them/break them down as irrational & dissect their source helps?

Thank you!! I’m so glad you get it. What types of things do you write down? Because before I would write down the thought and why it’s irrational... but I feel like that feeds it more fuel.

Sorry for the typos but it is readable

You are so helpful! I relate so much to “it scares me that I am missing something”. Thats me. Thinking it’ll nag at me “forever”. I want to look into that book you mentioned. And I think journaling will be instrumental to my therapy, because I’ll be able to see my triggers and why the thought pop up. It’s funny because whenever a thought pops up I believe it to be true, and think “oh well this randomly came up so it must be true” but no... there’s almost always a trigger as to why it “came up.” I think with each week it’s getting easier because I am learning different coping skills. I’m not giving in as easily. But it’s always a curveball when the thought happens out of nowhere and the compulsions happen before I know it. But it’s always about being mindful and constantly practicing these skills. I know with time, it’ll diminish. I’ve dealt with different forms of OCD but I’ve found that Pure O/Relationship OCD has been quite challenging!

Yes it is for me too. I think it is because pure o gets all tangled up in just normal stuff. But I have found that treating all unhelpful thoughts like OCD has made me a better person in some areas. Not that it is a good thing. I hate OCD. And OCD is tricky. I use this phrase in my head. Sometimes it helps. If I feel panic and strong fear, and nothing is trying to literally kill me like an attacking bear or criminal with a gun pointed at me, then it’s OCD.

Yup, that’s a great reminder. How do you and your girlfriend tackle the OCD together / how long have you been together? Just wondering about your own experience. My boyfriend has been to therapy with me a few times and lately he has been noticing when I’m spiking or he’ll ask me “are you asking reassurance?” Before we both had a hard time recognizing when it was happening. Now it’s becoming easier for both of us.

We have been together about 6 months. I just told her all about it. Then I picked things that I either wrote or that I printed off the internet that explained it clearly but simply. Funny thing is that I have Dealt with OCD for over 30 years. And I just found out that it was OCD and started treatment when we started dating 6 months ago. So I decided to tell her what I have because if you can’t share it, then you can’t have a relationship. We are both divorced and older and have the same career. And we have been through some of the same stuff. She actually related to a lot of it and is very supportive. But I don’t share my everyday thoughts. That’s just a personal preference. She would understand. But I do let her know what I am doing and about good days and bad days. And what makes it better and what makes it worse. One thing I won’t do is share an intrusive OCD thought that is just plain mean. Like she is too fat. Or her teeth are ugly. Or just some of the mean fringe BS that OCD throws out there. I truly don’t believe that. At all. So I just do exposure by writing it out over and over until it fades. I know it’s a lie. And I know it’s not how I feel. It’s OCD. It’s not me.

All this is OCD treatment stuff is new to me and I struggle. Really struggle. Please don’t think I have got it figured out or that what so do is correct. Maybe it is maybe it’s not. I just know that the person I am with is worth the effort. And I am worth the effort.

It’s good to know I’m not alone. I’ve come such a long way, but I struggle too. I get it! I used to share my intrusive thoughts, which was a compulsion. Now I’m getting better at not acting on them or asking for reassurance. But now its all internal work. It’s about not letting the thoughts rule me or think about them over and over and over. I’m getting that book you had recommended! I find that educating ourselves on what’s going on inside helps tremendously!