Magical thinking

I have it. Mine is if I have an intrusive thought I have to either say in my head the opposite or do something physically or I'm afraid something bad will happen.

My magical thinking is that if I talk out about or mention the specifics of my harm OCD they'll come true.

My magical thinking has to do with rules. There are about 30 that used to dictate most things that I do in life (the way I walk, the people I was "allowed" to talk/be nice to, the clothes I wear, etc). ERP helped me work through SOME of those rules, but it's still a major work in progress. When I was little, there were "unlucky minutes" in the day where I had to hold my breath and look at the clock until the time changed(otherwise something bad would happen to me or my family). I didn't realize it was even a problem and nobody noticed until I fainted lol. I didn't stop looking at the clock but I did stop holding my breath. I guess you can say I learned the hard way?

I have magical thinking like if I think something about ocd or fall I to a compulsion while I'm listing to true crime or having my feet certain way I think my boyfriend will die. Which is what my ocd is obsessed with, my biggest fear

So I spend every minute of the day counting , every number I see dates times license plates doesn’t even matter even on here I count the comments it’s hard to even do anything bc then I have to count . I been really trying to tell myself this is just ocd and the more I act the more it grabs onto another number then it starts over then if I count wrong even if I didn’t it tells me I have to do it again that’s the issue ocd will never let up it grabs onto everything and the more we do it the more we have to if that makes sense ocd grabs onto everything it can to try to think ur protecting urself or whatever it is ur scared of happening by doing these compulsions it is the most exhausting thing . My brain is absolutely exhausted . I try hard to tell myself I am ok I am safe bc what happends is ocd is an alarm system trying to make u act as if it’s all a major thing u need to fix but who are we to think we are masters of controlling the world by acting this way and doing these compulsions