Attraction and rocd

My recent theme with rocd is my sexlife. Sorry if this may be too personal or triggering for some. I try to keep it short. So basically at the moment I have almost no libido. And I catch myself ruminating whether this is normal and if it has something to do with my partner. I start focusing on his imperfections and check my feelings and if I feel aroused. It makes me very anxious. I try to be kinder to myself and not force sex or anything, but for me sex is very important and I would like to have a fulfilling intimacy. Maybe that's why OCD is focusing so much on it. My partner and I had problems with it before because of a sickness he had for a few months. At that time all I wanted was to be intimate and close to him, but it wasn't possible. Now that it is possible I don't want anymore and I feel so frustrated. Maybe I'm stressing myself to much, I also have hormonal problems (PCOS, pms)....any advise on this matter?

So confused how I can go from feeling this strong sense of “Nothing can happen to my husband, he needs to be safe, I’d never fall in love again or find a better man if something happened to him, we have to grow old together.” (For months!) to suddenly feeling “I’m not attracted to him, oh no my friends’ partners at this cabin retreat are more attractive than him, oh no everyone agrees they’re super attractive, no one said anything about him, maybe we’re going to split up one day because I don’t feel attracted enough to his personality and physicality and maybe that’s why I have vaginismus.” Trying to ride out the wave and figure out what my values are telling me. I know everyone goes through less attracted periods (this one literally started in the car on the way to the cabin so it’s been two days and a half but my brain is thinking such DIRE and depressing thoughts constantly). Anyone have any helpful resources they might recommend? I really wish my attraction wouldn’t unplug like a cord. It seems to be very triggered by public settings with comparison to super cute and happy couples and/ or by my own feelings of boredom with more nerdy topics he discusses with friends.

This is a little embarrassing to talk about but I’m really worried. I feel embarrassed and I dont want to sound like I just expect s3x all the time. But a lot of the times that I make the first move with my partner, he rejects it. I wish I could just get over it quickly like a normal person but my rocd tells me it means he’s not attracted to me anymore or doesnt like me. I really dont know what to do. I get so anxious I’m sick to my stomach, and then it looks like I’m acting out because I didnt get s3x when I wanted to. What if that is what I’m doing? I don’t want to be a pervert. This has been an issue before and I’ve brought it up but the conversation never really goes anywhere and I’m just left confused. I dont want to bring it up because I dont want him to have pity s3x with me for some reason or feel like he is being forced. But I dont know how to get over this anxiety, especially when my self-esteem has plummeted lately. Am I being a baby? To clarify, we have had s* x before.