- Date posted
- 2y
scared
This is gonna be a lot and it’s probably gonna sound so dumb but I just need to talk to someone. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so convinced that i’ve always known i don’t like boys. Throughout my life i was never attracted to shirtless boys or men that people found attractive typically. I used to wonder why i wasn’t attracted to the magic mike movies, or damon from vampire diaries or chuck from gossip girl (this sounds so dumb but it’s just what i can remember) I also remember thinking that i was more attracted to guys with their shirts on then so the them off. I don’t know how much it worried me then (before i started having this ocd theme) but i feel like if it didn’t worry me then, then it’s obvious that i knew i didnt actually like boys. I must just be in denial. it sounds just like the ocd thoughts talking hit I genuinely used to think about that stuff which means it must’ve just meant that i’ve never liked boys. Another thing that’s stressing me out is that I really like harry styles. But there’s been new pictures of him recently where he’s shirtless and I don’t feel attracted to him. I don’t think I was ever attracted to him shirtless. But I feel like i’m attracted to him with his shirt on. I remember like 4 years ago (before this ocd theme) there was a specific picture of harry shirtless that everyone was so attracted to and I remember thinking that i didn’t think he looked good. I don’t remember if i worried about this thought or not but i am 100% positive that that’s what i thought and i wondered then why i was more attracted to him with his shirt on than without. This all sounds so dumb, but i really think i’ve known all along that I don’t like boys. There are two many thing that i thought/worried about when i was younger before this ocd theme that the only thing that makes sense is that i’ve been in denial. I know it could have been ocd all along but i just don’t know anymore. It hurts so much everyday to be so scared that i don’t really love my boyfriend. Every time i start to feel okay I just think about how there’s been real obvious proof all along, and i can’t ignore the truth. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave my boyfriend. I love him too much but i am so confused and i can’t keep holding it in anymore