jesusm24

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Rocd

Good morning everyone! I’ve had ocd since I was you get but only recently have been diagnosed. My main theme is my relationship. At the moment, I’m struggling really hard because I saw a post where it states, “a man can change. But only for one women.” Though, I have changed for my current partner, when I saw the video I was afraid of thinking about another women. A women my partner is very insecure about. I’m not sure if I liked the video at first but I feel like I liked it, then unliked it, then went back and liked because it is true for me as far as me changing for my current partner. But I fear like when I first liked it, it meant I was thinking about someone else. I also feared that what if I liked it because I think that being with someone else will make my ocd easier. It’s a whole mess and I’m feeling super guilty. Like horribly. I don’t feel like doing anything.

OCDwontownme

Date posted: 2y

Is this specific woman someone your partner has openly shared her concerns about with you?

jesusm24

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@OCDcanfuckoff Yes. She has nothing to worry about. I know my ocd centering around her stems from the fear my partner has. But I still feel horrible.

OCDwontownme

Date posted: 2y

@jesusm24 What is your relationship like with this person whom your partner is concerned about?

jesusm24

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@OCDcanfuckoff Like, does this mean I don’t love my partner?

jesusm24

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@OCDcanfuckoff She was a girl I dated back in high school

OCDwontownme

Date posted: 2y

@jesusm24 This is gonna sound rough, but you can never be 100% sure you do or don't love your partner. I also suffer from rocd. And I'm just starting a relationship, and I'm constantly worried about her not loving me and me not loving her. I would highly recommend seeing a therapist who can help you practice ERP. Being in a relationship isn't gonna be easy. But I will say love is a commitment. Despite the uncertainties you face, you show you love your partner by choosing them over and over and over until the end. You can't control everything, and you can't know for certain. I'm grappling with the fact that I may or may not love my partner, and it is very frustrating. I will say being with someone else won't make your OCD easier. And an act of love you could show to your partner is cutting contact with this other person. I know as someone with OCD, it is difficult knowing you have to cut someone off which could hurt them. But in the long run, you'll be okay. You may cut off this other person, but in return, you can have a stronger connection with your partner.

jesusm24

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@OCDwontownme Thank you so much! I don’t talk to that other person at all. I cut contact years ago. I hope everything goes well for you! I meet with my therapist in a few hours! Thank you again!

OCDwontownme

Date posted: 2y

@jesusm24 Of course! Good luck in therapy!

jesusm24

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@OCDwontownme I did want to add. This has happened before where I feel super guilty about something. But this time, it just feels different. I feel more empty.

OCDwontownme

Date posted: 2y

@jesusm24 I understand

jesusm24

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@OCDwontownme Thank you 🙏🏼 if you need support. I’m here

OCDwontownme

Date posted: 2y

@jesusm24 Thank you 🙏

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 22w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

Talia_Rae

Date posted: 16w

ROCD

I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

Rocd help please

Ok so this all could be for reassurance but I’m rlly upset en and need help. So to preface, I had ocd when I was younger her and when I started dating my current bf it suddenly returned but ig I didn’t realize it was rocd bc I never knew it could present itself in this way. All I knew was “go away I just wanna love my bf and stop liking other guys” when my brain would get me so confused. A couple weeks ago I started on Luvox and I thought it was rlly working bc I also started seeing an ocd specialist and she gave great tips on exposures and the Medication in conjunction w that jus felt like it finally make me myself again. However, yesterday I had some gwneral intrusive thoughts in the morning and right before that, I was on top of the world so happy bc I was myself again. When the thoughts came I was like ew oh whatever. UNTIL my brain was like nagging me and making me feel guilty for having those thoughts. So I dove into em making sure they weren’t true etc. bc that never fixes anything it kept progressively getting worse and I forgot my exposures in those moments bc I just wanted to make sure I loved my man and didn’t do smth against him. Towards the later day, I was swimming w my siblings and my bf and the whole time I had a blast bc he’s the best, but I had nagging thoughts and feelings saying some guy from my new job is similar looking but slightly better looking and he’s the one guy I’ll leave my bf for. And it’s been saying that and variations of it from over 24 hrs now and I feel so awful. I feel guilty and to make things worse. Last night bc I spiraled/ relapsed so hard my thoughts also said I wanna leave my bf bc I no longer love him and I miss those old feelings but I can’t jus forget how awful I am as a gf to him bc my thoughts and ocd feelings. I feel terrible and I jus wanna be fixed😓I don’t wanna like that guy my man is my bsf and so cute and handsome and perfect. Why am I still “confused” if I don’t wanna be etc. my therapist said to go toward my goals and Values and not let ocd stop me from it, but I feel as if I can’t til I make sure I don’t like the other person or wanna but all I want is to be me but I feel like a liar 😞

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