Anonymous39826

Date posted: 2y

Finding Bf’s friends attractive

Hey all - wondering if someone can relate or can offer advice - I find that sometimes I find some of my boyfriends friends attractive. More of a thought of “he’s hot” but nothing more than that. But I feel extreme guilt for this! And because of this I hyper fixate on the friend and if they’re in the same room I feel anxious over it. In reality I don’t even know if I actually find them attractive or not, I think it’s more I hyper fixate on that person. I notice if my ocd moves on to something else I don’t even notice them. Anyone else?

nataliedallura

Date posted: 2y

You’re allowed to find other people attractive so long as you don’t purposefully ruminate on those thoughts or act on them. Everyone has fleeting thoughts of attraction as you’ve described, but OCD makes us over-analyze them and leads them to unnecessary guilt. You seem like a faithful, loving, and intentional partner. Give yourself grace <3

Anonymous39826

Date posted: 2y

@nataliedallura How do I not hyper fixate on it? That’s my biggest struggle

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@nataliedallura The thing is this happens to me but I end up checking a bunch because I’m so afraid that I found them attractive I feel an urge to keep checking to try and make sure the attraction is gone but then I end up experiencing what I feel like is more attraction and like one could call this rumination purposeful and sometimes it even feels like I want to look or check I feel so guilty about this and horrible

Anonymous39826

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Me too! I do this too - which makes me even more anxious for the checking

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@fall.lover @fall.lover @fall.lover One thing I have found that really really helps is just counting down from 20 whenever I feel the urge to check and OCD will detach from that person and also just accepting the fact that you are a human being that has the capability to find others attractive and that’s okay. The problem is the checking and rumination itself cause us to give more feelings to this person which could be hurtful to our partners, but the initial attraction is something we must just give ourselves grace for and move on. I also have really noticed that the initial interpretation of attraction can be heavily influenced by OCD as well.

Anonymous39826

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I definitely get that - that sounds helpful too! But I totally agree that I think ocd amplifies the “attraction”. Like sometimes I don’t even think I would find that person attractive if I was single….like they wouldn’t be my type and so it makes it even more frustrating because I’m like why does my ocd do this? I also have this thing where I don’t like making eye contact because of fear or something

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@fall.lover Yes sometimes it really is like that. I think even if I was single I would not even give this person a thought, but because I’m so afraid I do! And yes avoiding eye contact and avoiding them because you’re so afraid of those thoughts or feelings appearing again but sometimes you can’t because of the situation and I just get more guilty and even angry because I can’t escape. But then like if I choose to continue the situation to fight my ocd I’ll accuse myself of doing it because I want to be around the person more it’s miserable

Anonymous39826

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous It’s truly so frustrating!! I wouldn’t wish ocd on anyone :(

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@fall.lover You should join the OCD Friends server if you’d like. It’s nice to have people around with similar experiences https://discord.gg/SvDbyyQz

nataliedallura

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I guess what I mean by rumination is really leaning into those attractions rather than the kind of rumination caused by your OCD. I hope that makes sense <3

nataliedallura

Date posted: 2y

@fall.lover I wish I had a better answer for this, but something I’ve found helpful is to accept the thoughts rather than shame yourself for them. It’s that cycle of guilt that keeps you stuck there. Hope this helps <3

Mayte

Date posted: 2y

OMG I USED TO GET LIKE TJIS I STILL KINDA DO SOMETIMES (sorry for caps it’s just that i rarely see anyone relate to this)

EmmaGrace27

Date posted: 19w

ROCD QUESTION

I love my boyfriend I find him attractive, and I know it’s a choice to see that and appreciate it, but why do I get struck by some men I see who are cute but I’m used to Josh? It’s like he doesn’t strike me as much anymore. He’s cute, but like I want him to strike me and maybe it takes me recognizing what I love. But I’m used to him lol, like I can notice other men’s attraction and obviously not wanna be with them. I’m just tryna figure out healthy ways of thinking. Like I see Josh I notice him but I’m not struck by his handsomeness I’m kind of used to t I guess? Is this infatuation

Sillygoose27

Date posted: 19w

Intrusive thoughts about others

I am in a relationship but I cannot stop getting thoughts about this new coworker I met, my mind convinces me they are so attractive and so great and I hate it so much. My current relationship has its imperfections (as every one does) but I am so happy with her and have always been so loyal. Would OCD target those imperfections and exploit this situation? Additionally I believe I’m feeling ROCD fears of cheating but I know in every opportunity I’ve talked with other women I am loyal to my partner by bringing her up. Does anyone experience the same thing? Is this really OCD or other subconscious intrusive thinking?

Mk3

Date posted: 15w

ROCD

I adore my partner. There’s this other guy my ocd has been triggered by from the start. He hangs out with my friends, we used to hangout before my partner. I feel like I’m so wrong for still hanging around him in social settings. Its just fun sometimes. I have fleeting feelings and there’s kind of a flirtatious vibe? I’m scared I’ve flirted. I’m scared of the “feelings” I get even though I know feelings can have zero significance when I love my partner so much. I overanalyze everything. The guilt is overwhelming. I want to be with my partner not this other guy. I feel like a terrible partner. I know this could all be OCD why does it feel so hard. I think my brain has so much worked up over this other person no wonder I feel so much guilt. My OCD makes everything into a big deal.

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Finding Bf’s friends attractive

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