I am 30 years old and married. I didn’t think I’d be able to get married with the level of OCD I was feeling. I pushed through. Unfortunately it’s not completely gone, and my relationship often gets the brunt of my uncertainty and doubts. Of course I tear myself apart too but I project so much on my partner. I vilify him and turn him into the problem. When I sit down and try to rationalize, there isn’t much there sometimes I just have this overwhelming anxiety that screams at me to get out, to end my relationship. These thoughts don’t make me want to move forward- they make me want to disappear. I’m fighting for a way out and a way forward. I’ve recently been thinking about how these anxieties are spiking with getting older and the passage of time. I recently had some deaths in my family and a cross country move and total uprooting. I wonder if I can do hard things. I want to be a mother but when I feel the way I feel I just can’t see a way forward. I try and focus on the moment and remember all of the love and wonderful things I have with my partner but the OCD tells me it’s all about to be upended. This is such a long post. Are there any people out there who feel similar and can relate? I once had a user comment on my post- she was older than me she had been married and had kids and also didn’t believe she could but she did. Just knowing we are all experiencing similar things does help. Love to anyone who read all this.

It really is gut wrenching! I’m so happy to hear you were able to have children through your OCD. It sometimes feels utterly impossible. Moving really is such a anxiety provoking change…no matter how many times I do it. If you and your partner consider marriage in the future, you might find splice in something simple and low key like a courthouse or elopement. We eloped and that took SO MUCH pressure off. Hang in there and thanks for sharing 💜

@Sunrise22 I’m feeling better today. Just have to work extra hard again because I’ve let how good I’ve been feeling make it seem like eh, I don’t have to do ERP. Mannnn

Thank you! You got this too! We can do hard things!

@Chairo Even when they feel impossibly hard. What goes up must come down.

@Anonymous Oh my god this is me to. I’m having a really really really bad back door spike this week and it’s scary and frustrating.

@Dj-is-trying It sure is! At least we know that others think the same way and have the same troubles!

@Anonymous I’m terrified right now but I’m also like, I can handle hard things but right now it feels like it did last summer and I’m so scared of getting stuckkkkk in that bad place again.

It really is hard. I am there with you. The good days come but when we are in the bad days it’s so hard to remember them.

@Chairo Couldn’t have said it better myself, you are spot on.

I’m sorry you had a bad day! College orientation is BIG try not to be too hard on yourself.

Hi! My engagement day was HIGH anxiety I had a panic attack two days before and was pretty high strung all day. I knew it was coming and I was freaking out and questioning but I felt like I wanted to push forward and that I could and I knew I had those feelings deep down. For the wedding- We eloped and it was soooo serene. It helped not to have to perform in front of a ton of people. We later had a big party and that was really great too.

I have I was on meds for a few years and recently came off because I was feeling good. But lately with these big life changes I’m thinking about getting back on.