- Date posted
- 2y
I can't stop saying this sentence. I need help!
"heavenly father my Lord and Savior I'm sorry" I'm F 22 I couple days ago I got back from the pschy ward, it was good I learn a lot expectfuly how to learn to relax, but due to my OCD they'll always make me worried about that I did the unforgivable sin, I been worried expectfuly hugging the bible holding the cross for hours, and even putting holy water everytime my thoughts gets worse, to the point I also did self harm thinking God will forgive me if I do that, but it cause having marks, and my family was upset, so I stopped doing it until the mental breakdowns happen. I kept having them everyday, even thinking what I did, I felt like I was filthy, curse cause thru out years before my OCD got worse I thought I was a curse , or something, and hugging the bible, putting holy water, anything will help me relax, I am a Christian person, and I know I have religious OCD but the fact it's getting worse is scaring me everyday, cause a lot of people told me don't search up stuffs, make it worse, and it did, I been afraid of my mind, eyes, throat, mouth, and even my heart, the OCD got so bad that I started self harm again, I couldn't hid it anymore from my ma and step dad so I showed them, they weren't happy and I was having a panic attack, so my ma had enough and send me to a psych ward, at first I was fine, cause I felt safe, but then it got worse again, everytime I thought something went to my throat expectfuly bad ones I freaked out and I started to say "Heavenly Father, my Lord and savior, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" then biting happen, I was put to watch. When I got to the pschy ward, I cried, I cried thinking it's the end, but a couple of people have been supporting me, helping me with, I even got back doing that I love, and much more, but then something happen at art, I thought I did the unforgivable sin I freaked out, and said "Heavenly Father my Lord and savior, I'm sorry" many times then having a mental break down after leaving class, I started hitting myself, bitting scratching, even harming again, but the nurses found me and bandage me up, I was so upset, I cried and cried, my roommate was even worried about me, but I got better again, when I got home everything was fine, until I woke up having a anxiety attack at 1am I freaked out cause of the thoughts and it got so bad I put holy water, and other stuffs on me again, then thru out yesterday, it wasn't good, people didn't do what they promise me in the pschy ward, it cause my mom stress and anxiety, I freaked out a couple times that I needed the medication that was only use for thoughts and anxiety I was having anxiety but a little bit of thoughts, I kept saying the words every minute, ever second, every hour, my little brother who i care about he got angry what I was doing, and he kept telling me I was fine, and my mom was tired of it and kept telling me I'm ok, it kept getting worse, I did drawing, worked alittle bit, singing, anything, but it always comes back, then today I at an anxiety attack at 1am I kept saying what I usually said, 3am, having anxiety attack again, 4:50am another one, I was exhausted, I was so tired, I kept talking saying sorry to my Lord and savior, then I said something that I don't remember, at the point I was freaking out again kept saying I'm sorry to my Lord, I even prayed saying sorry to my Lord, idk what to do, I have a lot of stuffs to do today, even hanging out with a bff that is a atheist, which I respect and love, I love my Lord and savior, I welcome the holy spirit, I just don't know what to do, I even kept saying I was typing this down, I felt like this since June 5 I think, so almost a month, I feel like I have to do things or punish myself to make God forgive me but I just want the anxiety and worries to go away, that's all I want, I am getting therapy and joining a program soon, I'm just scared idk what to do, I know finding answers on here dosnt help but I just want the anxiety to go away, I even started taking medication, and it's been working for a while but still giving me anxiety, idk what to do.