Afraid i was unfaithful in relationship

@Anonymous78 thank you. i still feel guilty for keeping my hand on her shoulder for longer than i should have.

@sydney2147 That’s what OCD does! It makes you feel guilty about the tiniest little things that people don’t even notice.

@sydney2147 Hi I also struggled with ROCD while in a relationship and now that I’m not in one It’s still a theme somehow :( I do know that OCD in general likes to take small things we do that make us human and turn them into the worst thing we could possibly do in our minds. One possibility is that you had an intrusive thought while this was happening and that latched on to you subconsciously. I know that can happen to me sometimes. I literally had worries that I had a crush on one of my female coworkers while I was with my boyfriend. You holding your hand on someone’s shoulder is not cheating it just isn’t. Whatever thoughts you had in your head at the time mean nothing compared to how you act on them which I’m positive you will not. Another thing… it is very normal to be attracted to other humans while in a relationship. It is something we cannot control. Yes, this interaction involved contact but it was just a shoulder and it was a silly moment with a coworker. You are a human being and need to give your lovely self a break because you’ve done nothing wrong.

@JazzCrab no it wouldn’t. if i happened to touch a part of them such as like privates or a bra strap or something on accident and enjoy it that would be

@sydney2147 I think “on accident” is key here. You can’t really accidentally cheat on someone. You bumped someone, and maybe touched their bra strap. I don’t think that is a big deal, and I think you should offer yourself some compassion.

@JazzCrab it’s more of that i didn’t take my hand off her shoulder once i felt it. like i enjoyed touching it. and now i am trying to remember if that’s what happened or if i’m overthinking it. i would feel so guilty if i kept my hand on her shoulder because i enjoyed feeling her bra strap. idk if that makes sense i’m sorry

@sydney2147 Nah, I get what you’re saying, and I’ve definitely experienced similar things in my ROCD. I totally understand the fear, the uncertainty, the what if you did something wrong, etc. I’m also here to tell you that ruminating on it isn’t problem solving the way you think it is, and I don’t think your “enjoyment” was calculated or malicious, if you did enjoy it. I’ll share an example with you: I had a coworker who I thought hey, maybe I’d date this guy if I was single. At one point he sat down next to me and bumped me and I didn’t move away immediately, and I had the same thought, “what if I enjoyed it? Does that mean I cheated?” I wound up confessing to my partner because that’s my main compulsion. My partner genuinely didn’t care or think I did anything wrong, but, it didnt make the OCD spiral go away even though I gave the ocd what it wanted. I continued to panic over it months later and it still comes up. This incident happened over a year and a half ago. My partner gave me the reassurance that I’m okay, and it didn’t work for more than a day. There’s nothing good waiting for you on the other side of your compulsions. No one is perfect. And touching someone’s shoulder or bumping into someone, regardless of if you think you liked it or not, isn’t being unfaithful.

@JazzCrab thank you, i appreciate your help. i still just don’t understand how me keeping my hand on her shoulder isn’t unfaithful. i still feel horrible

@sydney2147 I mean I guess it really depends on you and your partner’s definition of cheating, but I don’t know a single person who thinks a hand on a shoulder is cheating. Have you and your partner defined your boundaries…? Would you consider it cheating if he did the same thing?

@JazzCrab no i wouldn’t consider it to be cheating, but it would make me uncomfortable to hear…if that makes sense. the thing is that my partner is used to me confessing about multiple things, and he gets very jealous and uncomfortable when i tell him these things. that is why i am currently working on not confessing to him because i know how it effects him mentally. but this one just feels different. i really feel like i messed up.

@sydney2147 I think OCD is ALWAYS going to tell you this time is different. I know it does for me.

@JazzCrab i still just can’t help but feel guilty. so ur saying that even tho i didn’t move my hand right away doesn’t mean i did something wrong? like in my mind that feels wrong. i would be upset if my partner liked feeling someone else’s bra strap…

@sydney2147 I already gave you my answer, and I dont want to give you any more reassurance, because that’ll just feed your ocd. I really think you should try hard to stop ruminating on this interaction. You’re assigning meaning to your actions that doesn’t need to be there.