I need help

Is there any point in trying anymore? There is no way to get the help I need, and even if I could, what if I learn it was never ocd in the first place? What do i do then? Everything feels so hopeless, all i want is to go bavk in time to before these thoughts started. This app is all I have to talk about how I feel. I always had OCD symptoms of varying themes as well as a terrible anxiety disorder that only worsened, but I could've never imagined I would feel like this. If a Hell exists, im certain I'm going there

So for the past month I have been dealing with the theme of going into a psychosis/or becoming schizophrenic. Having thoughts like is this really my reality? I am really here? I’m I just hallucinating what I want to see and did something horrible? Very scary thoughts. I’ve also been dealing with harm intrusive towards myself and towards my family. Recently this week I’ve developed a new theme of fearing not being able to sleep and going crazy from not being able to sleep. I lay there at night waiting to fall asleep and no matter how tired I was all day sleep doesn’t come. And then when I actually get some hours of sleep I question if I really slept and didn’t just hallucinate sleep. Which is very ridiculous I know. I’m just really scared and feel so helpless right now. I haven’t been diagnosed for OCD but I’m positive it’s what I have. I’m just so tired and feel like crying all the time. Sleep was the one thing I had to escape from all this crap and now that has gotten taken away from me as well. I just want my life back. Yesterday my family came over and for once I was able to forget about the thoughts for the time they were here and it felt so nice. I’m trying so hard to be okay for my family but I’m not. Im drowning on the inside and I just want to breathe. I can’t afford therapy right now and I have been prescribed sertraline 25mg for my anxiety but I’m to scared to take it. If anyone can relate or give me advice it would be greatly appreciated. I know reassurance is not what I should be getting but I’m just so scared.

I dont know if I have ocd really but I think I do because I have the intrusive thoughts and I always try and do things to soothe the anxiety. I've been dealing with this for a few months and this is a debilitating cycle and I wish I wad normal. when I first spoke to my therapist about it, she said that people with ocd like to clean and count a certain amount of tiles and stuff like that. I really want to get tested because I want help but im scared that if they say I don't have ocd then that means my intrusive thoughts are true and that I'm the person that my mind makes me think I am and it scares me. I mostly deal with symptoms of pocd so I try my best to avoid kids and sometimes I won't even want to go in public because of it and I count in my head a lot and try and see if my body is reacting any kind of way. I also try and just push the thoughts a way and do research and sometimes it makes me feel better but in reality it's just a cycle and it's terrifying so can someone please comfort me or give me advice and tips to help me feel better because I really need it. I just want to get help and stop this cycle because it's slowly killing me. I don't want to be the person my head thinks I am but in my head it's just constant fear anxiety and uncertainty.