Real events OCD

Help please. Recently me OCD has been attacking every sexually weird thing I did as a teenager. I was a hormonal teenager with no sexual outlets and I was curious and so I did things a few times and watched things that were wrong. No one was hurt but it was just weird stuff. I’m also a pretty sexual person and dealt with porn addiction, so it’s no surprise I got into some weird shit here and there (nothing illegal or violent). It never bothered me because I never felt that it defined me, and I only did it for lack of a better outlet (girlfriend). But now it eats me alive and makes me feel as if the stuff I did 3-5 years ago defines who I am. I just want to get better but I don’t know how:/

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

I think 99.9% of people have experiences from there childhood that they would never repeat as adults. When I was 15/16 and the internet first was around I looked at, and came across some horrible stuff. I was probably trying to find girls my age at the time and felt there was nothing wrong, but not I’m shocked by it. I also have things when I was abit younger at the onset of puberty one when I became aroused when a big kid (maybe 4-5 years younger) jumped on my knee and asked me to jump him up and down. Instead of doing what we would do as adults I carried on liking the feeling. Stuff that I’ve been really ashamed of and confessed to family members, friends, therapists, counsellors, social workers. The thing is as a child your not emotionally mature enough to realise the things you do when your grown up. Mate I know it’s hard, but you got to let it go. Let your younger self go.

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

And if your a student so I presume 18-19 your technically an adult but your have still so much develop to go. Your mind and body are still forming. So please don’t worry about stuff you did as a kid

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@jonathan123147 I’m 20 yea. And all the stuff that bothers me happened from 13-17. So when I was maturing and a hormonal teenager. As I’ve gotten older and more mature I haven’t done anything like that.

lilbee123

Date posted: 2y

My therapist taught me to take pride in my sexual curiousness. You were young, everyone likes to explore! I don’t think anything you described makes you a bad person. Think about who you are now and where you’re at. Be proud!

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@lilbee123 My real events pertain to my ZOCD. No specifics obviously but I was a dumb teenager and watched/did dumb things a few times. I just have to move on

lilbee123

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous You’re on the right track! Rooting for you :)

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

Mate I’ve been there and hear you. Your not alone and not a bad person. 13-17 are messy years for us humans. OCD is just making you think your situation is unique and horrible - it’s neither my friend. Actually these things have played and important part in your development because you did them - realised it’s not something to do and then moved on. You we’re still a boy between 13-17

123g

Date posted: 2y

It’s okay. We all do weird things when we were younger and that doesn’t define who you are today. I struggle with similar real events as well. You’re never alone.

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

@123g Here here

anonymous2580

Date posted: 25w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

Parker_b

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Sexual Real event ocd.

Getting eaten alive by thoughts right now, when I was a child me and other kids around my age would experiment and do things we shouldn’t have, I’m talking very young, like 3-5 as I got older I was for whatever reason always curious to a horrible extent and it lead me to do in appropriate things to kids around me, I was 7-8 at the time. I would say it happened 3 times in total in my childhood. And i eventually told my parents the last time it happened because even though I didn’t know it at the time. I had ocd. And I knew it was bad. That was when it all started. I feel absolutely disgusted with my 7 year old self and it comes up every once in a while especially when I hear anything about sexual abuse. I’m nearly 20 now and I enjoy my life for the most part and I’ve been down the ocd path before but I feel unforgivable. And I never want to tell anyone about it, but my ocd seems to want that. I have a beautiful girlfriend that had some traumatic things happen to her and I love her with my soul. I don’t ever want that to come up. Because that’s not who I am. When will I be able to forgive myself? If at all I hope I’m not alone.

Real Events OCD

SunnyAnon

Date posted: 23w

dealing with OCD flashbacks 18+

i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???

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