18+ help please

When I was a teenager I watched videos and stuff that had to do with animals for “that” purpose. There were also a few times (6) where I tried things out of curiosity, but also because I had no girlfriend or sexual outlet. I never harmed any animal and never “forced” myself on one. All this happened over the course of a few years, but the watching stuff only happened for a few months when I was 15-16, and it was never the only thing I would watch. It’s been 3 years since anything at all happened and I never even thought about it, but ever since I had a big POCD spike I’ve been super anxious and disgusted. What’s worse is I can visualize that stuff and get some arousal because my brain can associate it now. I’m 20 and I feel like my life is over. What’s worse is I can’t disprove that it’s just OCD because I’ve done those things. I’m just so disgusted and anxious all the time. Anyone have anything similar?

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

I had something happen like that when I was a child. I believe hormones play a huge part at a young age. Your rationale of the brain wasn’t fully developed at that age either. You have to forgive yourself.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous It just sucks because I was a teenager. So I obviously had some degree of understanding.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yes, but the rationale is not the same. You feel guilt obviously you don’t want to ever do that again. So forgive yourself.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yea. It’s also that I just don’t want to find it arousing at all. But we can’t control what we get aroused by. And I think my arousal has to do with the sexual part. I don’t just look at animals and find them attractive the same way I look at women

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous It’s a symptom of ocd. The arousal part then the thinking of “ what if I get turned in by animals”. That is ocd.

Bubba0410

Date posted: 2y

I’ve done and watched the same stuff. And not the thoughts get triggers randomly or when I see certain animals. I’m not really sure what to do but your not alone.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Bubba0410 Yea. Like I said it’s been years since and honestly I didn’t even think about it at all. But now I have this OCD spike and it’s back on my mind. And what’s worse is it can be arousing because obviously I found it arousing before.

Bubba0410

Date posted: 2y

Ya I can understand that. I haven’t watched in years but it still pops up in my head too

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Bubba0410 I appreciate you man. I’ve felt really depressed recently because of it. I think it’s my OCD latching into it. It’s basically saying that even though I’m in charge of my actions my thoughts are just as bad. Like I’m gonna spend my whole life repressing some weird urge ya know. But knowing I’m not alone makes me feel better and inclined to tell my therapist

Bubba0410

Date posted: 2y

I hear ya. I feel I have a lot of weird urges that I need to work on, some I used to act on but now that I’m a little older and married it’s become more of a challenge. Now, I still have all these urges but I can’t act on them. So my mind gets stuck on replay thinking about it all

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Bubba0410 Yea I get it. I didn’t even really have the urges at all the past 3 years. Like I honestly didn’t even think about it. I’m just focusing on managing my OCD because that’s the only thing that has changed in the last couple months that has made these intrusive thoughts and urges pop up.

SunnyAnon

Date posted: 23w

dealing with OCD flashbacks 18+

i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???

Canofbeans

Date posted: 23w

Adult content and OCD (18+)

I thought I'd gotten over sexual obsessions, since they haven't been bothering me at all until I had a flare up yesterday. I usually struggle with masturbation due to a combination of both anorgasmia from SSRI medication along with intrusive thoughts, so I thought that an adult film should work fine and went on the hub as per usual. Everything went well until I "finished" and looked at the video title afterwards. My stomach dropped as the title had the word "teen" it in. I felt nauseous and gross because I'd previously struggled and became horrifically suicidal due to the pocd I thought I had under control. Now I know that by the word teen, it means an adult actress that's 18-19 and I'm only 20. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm gross for watching and that it was illegal material, even though I am fully aware that it wasn't, so I've been ruminating over it endlessly. This is more of a vent, but I feel like all the progress I've made with my ocd just went down the drain ☹️

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Masterbation OCD/real event OCD

I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that

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18+ help please

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