I feel shameful.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just shamelessly confessing horrible things instead of dealing with my OCD. I'm sorry it's just another one of those times where I feel like I've been on this app too much. I see things that people post and it makes me feel bad. I don't want to be one of those people who admit to horrible things just to admit them because I do feel a lot of shame. But I feel if I let it go then I can move on from it. I feel like I'm a bad person sometimes. I want to get better I really do.

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

I think I know which post you are talking about. I kind of agree with you because reading that specific post made my thoughts and anxiety worse. It made me doubt myself so much that I now feel uncertain about me in person. Its unfortunate how in this app where it’s supposed to help you, it can also be filled with many triggers as well, and it’s scary. Stay away from those who put you down, because that is something they are not supposed to do. They should not judge you because we all have different life experiences. I really relate to what you are feeling so you are not alone. Let’s battle this horrible disease!

Applecore

Date posted: 2y

Yes! We will battle it together through positivity and acceptance! Thank you so much for your kind words ☺️

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

I have these issues too. I think it feels even worse for us because many people don't admit their mistakes, so we feel alone. Once you get your OCD resolved I promise it starts to feel better. I'm still in this bad relapse, but I've been good for 9-10 months at longest with good treatment.

Applecore

Date posted: 2y

Thank you for all your great advice you've given me. Unfortunately this came from the user on here who I actually had to block because their post literally made me uncomfortable. I'm not going to say who but they said something along the lines of some people on here post horrible confessions under the guys of ocds and I guess I kind of took it personally. I don't want to be one of those kind of people.

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

@Applecore The thing about this app that I hate is that it's like trying to learn to how to swim from people who only know how to drown. There's a very negative feedback loop in here from people who seek reassurance and those who think they know what they're talking about. I often have to take a break from this app because it causes really bad spikes. Totally get what you're saying. If I were you I'd take a break from this for a while and find something positive to engage in. I've been going to a body pump exercise class which is great. I am so sore afterwards that I can't think about my thoughts for a few hours. I am truly grateful to be free even for that little bit of time.

Applecore

Date posted: 2y

@McDucko I couldn't agree with you more! And that's amazing that you're taking a body pump class! I don't know if this is the same thing of what you're talking about but I've gotten into bodybuilding myself. I'm actually about to head out to the gym that's kind of been my safe Haven. I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope your OCD doesn't give you too much trouble! Don't listen to it today give yourself a break. 😊

Ocd9239

Date posted: 2y

I relate this a lot, I'm sorry you're feeling like this:(

Applecore

Date posted: 2y

I'm sorry you're feeling this way too. Just ignore those kind of people they don't know how to help at all.

Yamimuu

Date posted: 25w

Shame

I feel really ashamed, I used someones art as a background and didnt credit them, so I got criticized for it. I dont understand this shame cause it's not like Im going to do this anyway, it's just here. My ocd isnt helping at all cause now I have these thoughts of "what if Im doing something wrong" "what if Im a bad person" AS IF I CARED. Literally I get so ashamed over things that normally I wouldnt care about and then get stuck on a loop of constant rumination and overanalyzing. Im just so tired

"Pure" OCD

Yamimuu

Date posted: 25w

Vent

I hate all of this. I feel so extremally ashamed of every single little thing I do, every single action is being questioned and shamed. I just cant understand why do I feel this way, afterall, it's not like Im going to stop doing these things or thinking in a certain way because I feel this shame. Sometimes these are little things like feeling ashamed over not being extremally kind to an adult(I fear adults a lot and I see them as people superior to me, which makes me feel even more ashamed and inferior) but sometimes it's shame over my morals, my wording of sentences etc. There's nothing that I can do to make this shame go away, Im so desperate to feel better that I constantly put other people down "as a joke" (only if they agree to it) to make myself feel less ashamed of my own existance. I know it's wrong and Im not a good person but I just dont know what should I do, Im so increadibly tired with this never ending shame. I felt it ever since, but since I got my second ocd episode(that started on 1th of august 2023) It has gotten so much worse. Now it's utterly debilitating and pathologizes my functioning in every area. I feel ashamed of thinking, of feeling, of eating, of learning, of the way I draw, speak or dress, of my behaviour, of what media I consume. Actually I feel ashamed over everything, I dont have any kind of true self worth, I need other people in order to feel atleast a bit better. All I want is for all of the people on earth to reassure me over and over again that Im allowed to live amongst them, that Im not wrong, that I can live and be happy as well. I wish I could just never wake up again, I feel so bad

bkelp213

Date posted: 23w

Can’t function for all my guilt

I’ve done things in the past few years that I’m not proud of - only a couple of things I can think of and they didn’t directly hurt anyone at least with is relieving (but maybe indirectly they sort of did or could’ve which makes me hate myself because why did I do that… *how* could I do that…) If I could back and stop those things from happening, I would. I may not have thought about what I was doing at the time, so I didn’t really recognize that they weren’t okay, but that doesn’t excuse them, and I would smack some sense into my past self if I were able. I feel like if anyone knew what I‘ve done, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. They’d write me off as worthless. And maybe they should to be honest. Now yet another thing has come up - I haven’t done anything, but I had an intrusive thought pop up that made me *think* about doing something and this would be unforgivable in my opinion. Though, to be honest, the things I’ve done before are also somewhat unforgivable in my opinion… 😞 Regardless, I don’t want to do it because I don’t think it’s okay, but I worry deep down that I do. Or that I’m looking for an excuse to make it okay to do. I don’t know, it’s complicated. And I’m upset I even thought about it. I wish I had never seen the thing that triggered that intrusive thought. Yet another thing I would stop if I could. I’ve tried to not think about it or focus on it, but it doesn’t work. Even if it goes away, it just comes back again. I just keep thinking about it and it’s overwhelming. Anyway all of the guilt of this is killing me. I feel like an irredeemably terrible person and it makes me want to give up. I can’t get on with life because it’s paralyzing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and at this point, it feels like I don’t deserve to just move on. I can’t live with myself and I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore. I know a lot of this is probably OCD, but I’m not sure all of it is and I don’t know what to do… if I spoke to a therapist about it, I don’t think I could bring myself to say what I’ve done or what thoughts I’ve had. But if I was told to move on by someone who didn’t know the truth, I would worry they wouldn’t really say that if they knew. Agh, it’s all just a mess 😞

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I feel shameful.

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