I need to share something i have never told anyone. I watched lesbian porn from a young age because I thought i was attracted to it. I started at 8 years old Becauss I felt like i had to watch it to ease my anxiety. At first i thought i enjoyed it but i was wrong. I was so confused growing up because I didn't know what this porn obsession meant. All i knew was that I wasn't gay, but i supported the lgbt and had no problems with thr community, & was only attracted to boys but i Always had a voice in my head that told me to watch the porn and no matter how hard i tried not too the anxietu got worse until i couldnt breathe and i had a panic attack so i had to give in. The porn i watched was mostly disgusting fetishes that at the time i thought I enjoyed but that turned out to be fake arousal. I am disgusted by these memories now. I haven't watched lesbian porn in over a year and I feel amazing. It has actually helped me so much to reconnect with myself, Realise thst im only attracted to men + my attrcation for them is better then ever, find out who i am and most importantly realise that this is a condition and these thoughts and compulsions are not what i want. I now know i have hocd and its like everything just makes sense and has clicked into space. When I in primary school i developed an anxiety disorder, and i think i developed ocd around the same time too, Because i have all these false memories of doing sexual things with ny girls from my promary school and it maked me feel sick :( and when i went to high school i was severly bullied about the way i look and this lead me to think i was ugly and i wanted to look like all the other girls so i began to hate myself and the way i look. I still do now. I think this is how my hocd started because now i find myself looking at othet girls all the time. I get a voice in my head that says "i like the way they look," in a sexual manner and then i get a groinal response, and then I find myself thinking "im not attracted to them, I just wish i looked like them" so i think this is why my ocd started due to anxiety at a young age, i also think i developed ocd and hocd as young as 5 years old, if thats possible? I just needed to get this out because watching the porn has left me disgusted with myself, and im trying to move on and not allow my head to make me feel like i liked watching it. does that make sense? is there anyone else who has had a porn addiction over the same sex but stopped watching it? I just want to feel like im not alone. thank you for reading. im shaking right now.

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

I can't look at 18+ videos, comics, etc. I am straight, but SO-OCD tries to make me think I am not And the thoughts turns to feelings, and makes me scared, uncomfortable, sad, because I know this is not me. And when I try to imagine myself being with the woman on adult videos, and comics, my OCD gives gronal response not at the girl, and it fills me with fear, and anxiety, I always loved, and was attracted to women but I can't and it caused me to be depressed, and I keep ruminating I keep trying to focus on her, but it's so bad that I avoid those all the time now. I am wondering has anyone gone through something like this, or currently is, and wondering how you have done to combat this!