- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I actually also watched porn at a very young age. I was 9yrs old. I would actually watch it very often it felt normal to just watch it. I wasn’t disgusted by it. But if I’m being honest. I would also enjoy lesbian porn. But I never considered myself as lesbian or was attracted to girls. As soon as my hocd kicked in I stayed away from all porn. It made me anxious to watch it. Even though at some point watching it was a compulsion. You aren’t alone. I’m happy to hear you stopped watching it in a form for it to calm you down.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey omg it always feels so heartwarming to see other people like me. Yes ive been there. I dont know how it happened but i had the addiction to. I feel so sorry for the little me i wish with my whole heart i never stumbled upon it because it ruined em so much. God did it damage me. Your so lucky for finding you again. Ive been dealing sith HOCDfor a year now and damn it is a journey. I totally lost my attraction to men which makes this the worst because how do i know i like guys when i dont feel it. I miss liking boys soooo much. The warm feeling, the imagines, the butterflies. Sadly due to all the anxiety my attraction is nowhere to he found and it doestn wanna come back for some reason. It started when i was 16 and thought that bc i was thrned on by lesbian porn thst i was gay. Little did i know thst doesnt mean your gay all. I always wanted a husband, my biggest dream was a boyfriend but still i thiight i was gay. Then alter on a support group i found people like me who also went trough the same thing but they infromed me that its normal to be turned on by woman and it doesnt mean ur gay. I miss old me soooo much. I wish i could attach to myself again too. I became depressed due to this.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yo have exctly reproduce my own story, I swear it is very very similar with the porn, the problems with my appearance... I just want to remember you are not alone here, Im a Spanish boy, a person from another part of the world suffering the exactly same thing, thank you for posting your story, Good luck you are so brave!??
- Date posted
- 6y
Just stay calm breathe. Contact a therapist, I’m actually getting through it without one. All you need to do is remember it’s your disorder acting up. Not you, and just live in the moment. Talk to your friends or anyone who is there.
- Date posted
- 6y
I agree with some of these points!!!! I also watched strnsge stuff like that as a child. Not porn per say but sexual scenes in movies, even lesbian stuff. Don’t know why. Now as an young adult I don’t even watch it, and growing up, as I started to get sexually active I was very scared of it for some reason
- Date posted
- 6y
I have had a porn addiction but to straight porn (man and woman) and I have been suffering with HOCD and I have been checking gay porn to see if I get a reaction but it does nothing for me, yet I still keep questioning whether I’m straight, bi or gay. I suffer all the usual HOCD symptoms as well so you are not alone chin up and try to do some meditation techniques and mindfulness ?? you have my support ??
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
I can't look at 18+ videos, comics, etc. I am straight, but SO-OCD tries to make me think I am not And the thoughts turns to feelings, and makes me scared, uncomfortable, sad, because I know this is not me. And when I try to imagine myself being with the woman on adult videos, and comics, my OCD gives gronal response not at the girl, and it fills me with fear, and anxiety, I always loved, and was attracted to women but I can't and it caused me to be depressed, and I keep ruminating I keep trying to focus on her, but it's so bad that I avoid those all the time now. I am wondering has anyone gone through something like this, or currently is, and wondering how you have done to combat this!
- Date posted
- 10w
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
- Date posted
- 8w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
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