I need to share something i have never told anyone. I watched lesbian porn from a young age because I thought i was attracted to it. I started at 8 years old Becauss I felt like i had to watch it to ease my anxiety. At first i thought i enjoyed it but i was wrong. I was so confused growing up because I didn't know what this porn obsession meant. All i knew was that I wasn't gay, but i supported the lgbt and had no problems with thr community, & was only attracted to boys but i Always had a voice in my head that told me to watch the porn and no matter how hard i tried not too the anxietu got worse until i couldnt breathe and i had a panic attack so i had to give in. The porn i watched was mostly disgusting fetishes that at the time i thought I enjoyed but that turned out to be fake arousal. I am disgusted by these memories now. I haven't watched lesbian porn in over a year and I feel amazing. It has actually helped me so much to reconnect with myself, Realise thst im only attracted to men + my attrcation for them is better then ever, find out who i am and most importantly realise that this is a condition and these thoughts and compulsions are not what i want. I now know i have hocd and its like everything just makes sense and has clicked into space. When I in primary school i developed an anxiety disorder, and i think i developed ocd around the same time too, Because i have all these false memories of doing sexual things with ny girls from my promary school and it maked me feel sick :( and when i went to high school i was severly bullied about the way i look and this lead me to think i was ugly and i wanted to look like all the other girls so i began to hate myself and the way i look. I still do now. I think this is how my hocd started because now i find myself looking at othet girls all the time. I get a voice in my head that says "i like the way they look," in a sexual manner and then i get a groinal response, and then I find myself thinking "im not attracted to them, I just wish i looked like them" so i think this is why my ocd started due to anxiety at a young age, i also think i developed ocd and hocd as young as 5 years old, if thats possible? I just needed to get this out because watching the porn has left me disgusted with myself, and im trying to move on and not allow my head to make me feel like i liked watching it. does that make sense? is there anyone else who has had a porn addiction over the same sex but stopped watching it? I just want to feel like im not alone. thank you for reading. im shaking right now.

I actually also watched porn at a very young age. I was 9yrs old. I would actually watch it very often it felt normal to just watch it. I wasn’t disgusted by it. But if I’m being honest. I would also enjoy lesbian porn. But I never considered myself as lesbian or was attracted to girls. As soon as my hocd kicked in I stayed away from all porn. It made me anxious to watch it. Even though at some point watching it was a compulsion. You aren’t alone. I’m happy to hear you stopped watching it in a form for it to calm you down.

Hey omg it always feels so heartwarming to see other people like me. Yes ive been there. I dont know how it happened but i had the addiction to. I feel so sorry for the little me i wish with my whole heart i never stumbled upon it because it ruined em so much. God did it damage me. Your so lucky for finding you again. Ive been dealing sith HOCDfor a year now and damn it is a journey. I totally lost my attraction to men which makes this the worst because how do i know i like guys when i dont feel it. I miss liking boys soooo much. The warm feeling, the imagines, the butterflies. Sadly due to all the anxiety my attraction is nowhere to he found and it doestn wanna come back for some reason. It started when i was 16 and thought that bc i was thrned on by lesbian porn thst i was gay. Little did i know thst doesnt mean your gay all. I always wanted a husband, my biggest dream was a boyfriend but still i thiight i was gay. Then alter on a support group i found people like me who also went trough the same thing but they infromed me that its normal to be turned on by woman and it doesnt mean ur gay. I miss old me soooo much. I wish i could attach to myself again too. I became depressed due to this.

Yo have exctly reproduce my own story, I swear it is very very similar with the porn, the problems with my appearance... I just want to remember you are not alone here, Im a Spanish boy, a person from another part of the world suffering the exactly same thing, thank you for posting your story, Good luck you are so brave!??

Just stay calm breathe. Contact a therapist, I’m actually getting through it without one. All you need to do is remember it’s your disorder acting up. Not you, and just live in the moment. Talk to your friends or anyone who is there.

I agree with some of these points!!!! I also watched strnsge stuff like that as a child. Not porn per say but sexual scenes in movies, even lesbian stuff. Don’t know why. Now as an young adult I don’t even watch it, and growing up, as I started to get sexually active I was very scared of it for some reason

I have had a porn addiction but to straight porn (man and woman) and I have been suffering with HOCD and I have been checking gay porn to see if I get a reaction but it does nothing for me, yet I still keep questioning whether I’m straight, bi or gay. I suffer all the usual HOCD symptoms as well so you are not alone chin up and try to do some meditation techniques and mindfulness ?? you have my support ??