- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I actually also watched porn at a very young age. I was 9yrs old. I would actually watch it very often it felt normal to just watch it. I wasn’t disgusted by it. But if I’m being honest. I would also enjoy lesbian porn. But I never considered myself as lesbian or was attracted to girls. As soon as my hocd kicked in I stayed away from all porn. It made me anxious to watch it. Even though at some point watching it was a compulsion. You aren’t alone. I’m happy to hear you stopped watching it in a form for it to calm you down.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hey omg it always feels so heartwarming to see other people like me. Yes ive been there. I dont know how it happened but i had the addiction to. I feel so sorry for the little me i wish with my whole heart i never stumbled upon it because it ruined em so much. God did it damage me. Your so lucky for finding you again. Ive been dealing sith HOCDfor a year now and damn it is a journey. I totally lost my attraction to men which makes this the worst because how do i know i like guys when i dont feel it. I miss liking boys soooo much. The warm feeling, the imagines, the butterflies. Sadly due to all the anxiety my attraction is nowhere to he found and it doestn wanna come back for some reason. It started when i was 16 and thought that bc i was thrned on by lesbian porn thst i was gay. Little did i know thst doesnt mean your gay all. I always wanted a husband, my biggest dream was a boyfriend but still i thiight i was gay. Then alter on a support group i found people like me who also went trough the same thing but they infromed me that its normal to be turned on by woman and it doesnt mean ur gay. I miss old me soooo much. I wish i could attach to myself again too. I became depressed due to this.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yo have exctly reproduce my own story, I swear it is very very similar with the porn, the problems with my appearance... I just want to remember you are not alone here, Im a Spanish boy, a person from another part of the world suffering the exactly same thing, thank you for posting your story, Good luck you are so brave!??
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Just stay calm breathe. Contact a therapist, I’m actually getting through it without one. All you need to do is remember it’s your disorder acting up. Not you, and just live in the moment. Talk to your friends or anyone who is there.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I agree with some of these points!!!! I also watched strnsge stuff like that as a child. Not porn per say but sexual scenes in movies, even lesbian stuff. Don’t know why. Now as an young adult I don’t even watch it, and growing up, as I started to get sexually active I was very scared of it for some reason
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I have had a porn addiction but to straight porn (man and woman) and I have been suffering with HOCD and I have been checking gay porn to see if I get a reaction but it does nothing for me, yet I still keep questioning whether I’m straight, bi or gay. I suffer all the usual HOCD symptoms as well so you are not alone chin up and try to do some meditation techniques and mindfulness ?? you have my support ??
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w ago
Sorry if this is a bit of an odd post, but I’m wondering if there are any girls out there that have specifically struggled with shame around watching porn? A lot of my real-event ocd stems from watching that kind of content in the past, and for some reason it feels particularly taboo as a woman. As a young teen, I saw some genuinely disturbing things, and I think a lot of that was to do with having unrestricted access to the internet. However, despite lots of people telling me “that’s normal teen curiosity” it just never feels like it applies to me, and that I’m genuinely just a sexual deviant. I think because that kind of content is so graphic and overstimulating it’s really stuck in my brain, and I just wish I could turn back the clock and switch off the computer. I’ve recently been struggling with doing typical ‘girly’ stuff because I feel tainted and gross, and I just want to get back to feeling myself again.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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