I need to share something i have never told anyone. I watched lesbian porn from a young age because I thought i was attracted to it. I started at 8 years old Becauss I felt like i had to watch it to ease my anxiety. At first i thought i enjoyed it but i was wrong. I was so confused growing up because I didn't know what this porn obsession meant. All i knew was that I wasn't gay, but i supported the lgbt and had no problems with thr community, & was only attracted to boys but i Always had a voice in my head that told me to watch the porn and no matter how hard i tried not too the anxietu got worse until i couldnt breathe and i had a panic attack so i had to give in. The porn i watched was mostly disgusting fetishes that at the time i thought I enjoyed but that turned out to be fake arousal. I am disgusted by these memories now. I haven't watched lesbian porn in over a year and I feel amazing. It has actually helped me so much to reconnect with myself, Realise thst im only attracted to men + my attrcation for them is better then ever, find out who i am and most importantly realise that this is a condition and these thoughts and compulsions are not what i want. I now know i have hocd and its like everything just makes sense and has clicked into space. When I in primary school i developed an anxiety disorder, and i think i developed ocd around the same time too, Because i have all these false memories of doing sexual things with ny girls from my promary school and it maked me feel sick :( and when i went to high school i was severly bullied about the way i look and this lead me to think i was ugly and i wanted to look like all the other girls so i began to hate myself and the way i look. I still do now. I think this is how my hocd started because now i find myself looking at othet girls all the time. I get a voice in my head that says "i like the way they look," in a sexual manner and then i get a groinal response, and then I find myself thinking "im not attracted to them, I just wish i looked like them" so i think this is why my ocd started due to anxiety at a young age, i also think i developed ocd and hocd as young as 5 years old, if thats possible? I just needed to get this out because watching the porn has left me disgusted with myself, and im trying to move on and not allow my head to make me feel like i liked watching it. does that make sense? is there anyone else who has had a porn addiction over the same sex but stopped watching it? I just want to feel like im not alone. thank you for reading. im shaking right now.

I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!

I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.

So i didnt post for sometime cause ive been going through a lot so im 16 and im a girl still figuring out my sexuality, anyway my worst ocd theme is POCD and i developed it after i started watching porn and it made me look at people woman especially in a sexual way which i hate cause i feel awful and even before when i was 14 until now i was exposed to a lot of those dark stuff and i read a lot of them, anyway POCD i keep looking at people sexually especially when its girl and then after i saw like when thise crime stories pop up on my tiktok like people catching pdf files and im like imagining what they feel towards their victims or like them explaing what they feel and me like yk when i look at someone i feel that immediately but i cant figure out what it is cause i keep looking at them in that way but not like when i see them immediately but more when i think about it and i just i dunno like especially how porn made me sexualized everything so i wanted to stop and i just feel awful, but what i find funny was before i developed pocd after i first found out about i laughed and i was like oh i dont have that deffibtly so i dont have to worry about it and now im just like