Is my anxiety and urge related to OCD or paraphilia?

Is this OCD or something else?

So years ago when I was a teenager there was a point in time where I watched pornography that had to do with animals and people. There were also a few times throughout my teenage years where I tried things out of curiosity and while I was watching this type of porn I had some desire/urge to try stuff but I never did. Then it stopped. I was probably 16 and stopped. It’s been almost 4 years since I watched that stuff or did anything, and I never even thought about it. Then OCD hit. And I ruminated about all those things I watched did. It always filled me with anxiety and disgust. Then yesterday I remembered an image I saw when watching that and got an erection. It was accompanied with anxiety but it felt as if I wanted to search it up or do it. Now all day today I’ve had horrible anxiety accompanied with that urge. Is this OCD or should I look into therapy for paraphilia?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

To clarify these urges are ego-dystonic. They’re making me depressed and thinking of harming myself and if it’s true I know I’ll hate myself. I really DONT want to like this stuff

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I don’t believe that you do like this stuff. It sounds like you had an experience with it in the past and never furthered anything and forgot about it because it wasn’t something that interests you. Now your OCD is trying to convince you that you are interested in bestiality when in reality your not. I have severe OCD myself. Just by reading what you said I can tell that it’s not something that truly interests you but rather something your ocd is actively trying to convince you that you are interested in.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Yea it really feels like it. At the time I was obviously interested in that stuff because I watched it for a few months. But I stopped for whatever reason, and it never even came up until I had a really bad OCD spike. What worries me is that if you like something at some point, does it ever really leave you? And now I have bad OCD which makes me obsess over it and more susceptible to compulsive behavior.

Username: drewgildrewgil

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Agreed

Username: drewgildrewgil

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD has a tendency to make you feel like a bad person when you have these kinds of thoughts. I believe that you’re a good person who is just scared that may be a bad person because of these thoughts. It’s kind of like not thinking about a purple elephant. See, I bet you just pictured a purple elephant. It’s hard to not think about things. So don’t force it. I believe you’re a good person who just has some OCD thoughts. You need to remember that we are not our thoughts and they’re just thoughts. You’re most likely a great person and just thinking this way because you don’t want to be a person that think’s about that stuff. Try accepting that you’re having these thoughts and just keep living life. Once you try to stop forcing yourself to stop thinking, the thoughts will go away. Believe me, I’ve been through it. You’ll be okay!

Username: raccoondollraccoondoll

Date posted: 1y ago

i went through something similar as a teenager. i felt like i needed to watch porn to "make sure" i wasn't attracted to it. a groinal response does not mean you are actually attracted to something, it can be a trauma response or your OCD making your body react to feed into your obsession. please please reach out to a therapist who specializes in OCD so you can get confirmation that you are not a disgusting person and confront the trauma you have from viewing those images.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@chloeeee It was a few month period where I would watch videos or look at pictures here and there. It was never the main thing I would watch. And I stopped and it’s been years since I’ve looked anything like that up. I haven’t thought about it in years and if I did I was like “yea that happened” but now my OCD is making me obsess over it. It’s like part of me WANTS to look it up, which is really scary

Username: drewgildrewgil

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Do you think that part of you wants to watch it because it’s so taboo? I watch cheating porn but I have no urge to cheat or condone it. I think it’s just because it’s so different and frowned upon so it’s kind of like a thrill to my brain

Username: daisy211

Date posted: 5y ago

My OCD has swapped around in the past- primarily focused on HOCD and then I just accepted maybe I was attracted to both men and women, (men primarily, women only sexually occasionally) after I had sex with a girl - I didn’t know at the time it was OCD - and now it has focused on beastiality. I’m terrified. I hate HATE to admit this but when I was younger I let a dog lick my private area, and ever since I can’t stop thinking maybe that was because I wanted it? Even though I know deep down it was just sexual curiosity - the actual act of intimacy and not the animal, but now I get scared. In the past few years I have seen images and checked my groinal response, sometimes I can get really aroused and I feel disgusting. I love animals, I would never want to hurt them in anyway, I don’t know whether I just have a fixation on the idea of having sex that is intense - sort of like a ‘I need you now’ thing - as comes with the term ‘doggy style’ but then this just makes me think maybe it’s all rooted down to animals? I’m so honestly terrified I feel like the government will arrest me based on searches of laws and me trying to figure out if I’m attracted to animals going on forums etc. I once read an erotic literature page and it had a beastiality section, I looked at it and was repulsed but again my groinal response was different. I feel so guilty, but I can’t tell if this is my OCD or if I am actually attracted to animals. I would NEVER have sex with one, the idea repulses me, but somehow I can get aroused by the stories (not particularly the images) and I’m so stressed and upset I don’t know what to do I’m too scared to tell my therapist incase they lock me up for it and it hinders my future jobs :(

Username: MJocd

Date posted: 4y ago

Please reply. I am embarrassed to share this. I dont watch porn AT ALL anymore and never will again but I keep getting intrusive images of porn scenes I saw on pornsites from a long time ago. Especially weird things, like I remember I once stumbled across porn that had a old man in it. Porn has lots of weird categories. I keep feeling bad and guilty for ever watching porn in the first place but I'm trying to remember a lot of people have watched porn/do watch it without feeling the shame I feel now, over a year after stopping watching it. My OCD is fixating on this to the point where it's making me want to throw up. I have real event/moral ocd and my ocd really tries to make me feel bad about these memories from a long time ago.

Username: b2192

Date posted: 4y ago

Everytime I think of beastiality and I give into my ocd I end up researching it and checking my arousal on videos etc I always feel really aroused. It's always dogs licking woman down below or sniffing there crotch and I dont want to be aroused by these things. Does this sound like I just enjoy these things or ocd ?

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