Is this OCD or something else?

So years ago when I was a teenager there was a point in time where I watched pornography that had to do with animals and people. There were also a few times throughout my teenage years where I tried things out of curiosity and while I was watching this type of porn I had some desire/urge to try stuff but I never did. Then it stopped. I was probably 16 and stopped. It’s been almost 4 years since I watched that stuff or did anything, and I never even thought about it. Then OCD hit. And I ruminated about all those things I watched did. It always filled me with anxiety and disgust. Then yesterday I remembered an image I saw when watching that and got an erection. It was accompanied with anxiety but it felt as if I wanted to search it up or do it. Now all day today I’ve had horrible anxiety accompanied with that urge. Is this OCD or should I look into therapy for paraphilia?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

To clarify these urges are ego-dystonic. They’re making me depressed and thinking of harming myself and if it’s true I know I’ll hate myself. I really DONT want to like this stuff

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I don’t believe that you do like this stuff. It sounds like you had an experience with it in the past and never furthered anything and forgot about it because it wasn’t something that interests you. Now your OCD is trying to convince you that you are interested in bestiality when in reality your not. I have severe OCD myself. Just by reading what you said I can tell that it’s not something that truly interests you but rather something your ocd is actively trying to convince you that you are interested in.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Yea it really feels like it. At the time I was obviously interested in that stuff because I watched it for a few months. But I stopped for whatever reason, and it never even came up until I had a really bad OCD spike. What worries me is that if you like something at some point, does it ever really leave you? And now I have bad OCD which makes me obsess over it and more susceptible to compulsive behavior.

Username: drewgildrewgil

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Agreed

Username: drewgildrewgil

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD has a tendency to make you feel like a bad person when you have these kinds of thoughts. I believe that you’re a good person who is just scared that may be a bad person because of these thoughts. It’s kind of like not thinking about a purple elephant. See, I bet you just pictured a purple elephant. It’s hard to not think about things. So don’t force it. I believe you’re a good person who just has some OCD thoughts. You need to remember that we are not our thoughts and they’re just thoughts. You’re most likely a great person and just thinking this way because you don’t want to be a person that think’s about that stuff. Try accepting that you’re having these thoughts and just keep living life. Once you try to stop forcing yourself to stop thinking, the thoughts will go away. Believe me, I’ve been through it. You’ll be okay!

Username: raccoondollraccoondoll

Date posted: 1y ago

i went through something similar as a teenager. i felt like i needed to watch porn to "make sure" i wasn't attracted to it. a groinal response does not mean you are actually attracted to something, it can be a trauma response or your OCD making your body react to feed into your obsession. please please reach out to a therapist who specializes in OCD so you can get confirmation that you are not a disgusting person and confront the trauma you have from viewing those images.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@chloeeee It was a few month period where I would watch videos or look at pictures here and there. It was never the main thing I would watch. And I stopped and it’s been years since I’ve looked anything like that up. I haven’t thought about it in years and if I did I was like “yea that happened” but now my OCD is making me obsess over it. It’s like part of me WANTS to look it up, which is really scary

Username: drewgildrewgil

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Do you think that part of you wants to watch it because it’s so taboo? I watch cheating porn but I have no urge to cheat or condone it. I think it’s just because it’s so different and frowned upon so it’s kind of like a thrill to my brain

Username: letsgo

Date posted: 5y ago

Just went down a rabbit hole of googling a lot of stuff for almost 2 hours about pedophilia. And now I’ve got my self scared. I haven’t done it this bad in almost 2 months. I hate this. I was diagnosed with OCD, but some stuff I masturbated to a while back when I had a slight porn addiction is giving me proof. (Not actual children by the way) I’ve had OCD my whole life, and I’m starting to wonder if when I had thoughts about children before my huge spike if they were also intrusive, and I just didn’t care much about them then? Why would I just start caring now. I’m so broken.

POCD

Username: MJocd

Date posted: 5y ago

Please reply. I am embarrassed to share this. I dont watch porn AT ALL anymore and never will again but I keep getting intrusive images of porn scenes I saw on pornsites from a long time ago. Especially weird things, like I remember I once stumbled across porn that had a old man in it. Porn has lots of weird categories. I keep feeling bad and guilty for ever watching porn in the first place but I'm trying to remember a lot of people have watched porn/do watch it without feeling the shame I feel now, over a year after stopping watching it. My OCD is fixating on this to the point where it's making me want to throw up. I have real event/moral ocd and my ocd really tries to make me feel bad about these memories from a long time ago.

Username: Aaron R.

Date posted: 3y ago

Every time I watch an explicit video, I obsessively worry about whether or not the person in the video was of legal age or if I unintentionally looked at a minor. This causes me to have intrusive OCD thoughts that I am some kind of horrible pedophile or that the FBI will arrest me. I'm currently experiencing an anxiety spike right now because of it. Can anyone else relate to this? I only want to watch videos of consenting adults, but the need for 100 percent certainty makes it difficult for me to stop questioning it. Because of my religious beliefs, things like pornography are outside of my ethical values anyways, so I really want to break the habit of watching it in any capacity (even if I knew for certain I couldn't accidentally stumble upon a video of a minor), but I struggle with doing that. Does anyone have any tips to stop engaging in lustful behaviors, and how to deal with catastrophic thinking about jail time and being a sick person because I'm paranoid about if the model could be underage?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Is this OCD or something else?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community