Soocd must read might help

Isn’t it funny how you have the whole symptom but still doubt it’s ocd Like for me I have experience false attraction, I have faced anxiety and fear, I don’t feel anxious anymore, false memories, no sexual drive towards my partner,intrusive thoughts in my dreams and doing compulsion in my dreams, I have got from thinking that you can turn gay to thinking you might be bi, I have also analyze my past looking for evidence, I have also avoided watching YouTube and movies because I feel like it’s a trigger and I feel scared to I also scare to talk with friends because I’m afraid to get attached to them and also get an arousal,I have feared all this and more, the funny part is I have overcome them all, the only thing I have now is gronal response and it looking so real and also where the word gay or bi feels arousing, and I always check my pants 24/7 this what I’m facing now and to be honest it’s not easy when everything feels so real

Worto

Date posted: 2y

I get it. I should follow my own advice, as I'm going through this for a second time in my life, but here's my honest experience. I understand where you're coming from when it comes to friends, youtube and films, etc. But I've been there before. I remember a time where being around male friends was unbearable, but just know that until my relapse a month or so ago, those fears never really came up at all. Likewise with films and TV, etc. A few weeks ago I was in a panic and then kind of laughed at the absurdity. I was watching the Grand Tour/UK Top Gear with Jeremy Clarkson etc, and I started worrying that I found them attractive. I've watched them on TV for decades, not once (outside of OCD episodes) have I ever even thought any of them were attractive, let alone been 'attracted' to them. So logically, it has to be related to the checking and the anxiety. I clawed my way out of this once before, and the only way to do it unfortunately is to just live. Go see your friends, stomach the anxiety. Watch TV, accept the fear. You can't hide away forever, eventually you're going to have to go through the process. Looking back it's weird, going through this HOCD at 19yo I remember being absolutely terrified of socialising, I worried that I found practically every guy attractive, yet I still remember girls at the time that I had the hots for, and remember times where for instance, I danced with a hot girl at a club fondly. Totally bizarre how that works. Got to still live your life, man. And that's where I need to man up on this relapse. I'm still in the 'oh god just leave me alone' phase.

Worto

Date posted: 2y

Also worth mentioning, there is no real 'eureka' moment. You're not going to wake up one day and say 'oh wow, I'm cured'. Maybe others did, but for me it took years, admittedly without medication or help, for me to claw my way out of a hole. The anxiety and the thoughts will diminish over time until you get to a point where you hardly notice them anymore. The thoughts still come when youre in changing rooms or whatever, and you have to expect them, but the thoughts and fears get more ingrained the more you fight them. The only reason I relapsed was because I started vaping medical cannabis for insomnia (which Im convinced was its own form of OCD) and one evening I got paranoid and started worrying the HOCD would come back... and then it did.

tuchi

Date posted: 2y

@Worto I understand what you mean but bro this is really hard on me tbh

Worto

Date posted: 2y

@tuchi I get that. A few weeks ago I was at the lowest I'd ever been and I doubted all my memories, I could hardly look at my missus. If you're forcing yourself to think about this all day long, your sex drive is understandably going to take a beating. Worth noting too that nobody checks their pants for movement all day long, you've got to cut that out, mate. I do it occasionally which I shouldn't do, but doing it all day long you're going to drive yourself crazy.

tuchi

Date posted: 2y

@Worto Tbh being doing that ages it’s hard to stop now

frozenmangos

Date posted: 28d

Homosexual OCD affecting my attraction to women

A while ago, maybe a month and a half, I started getting thoughts that I am gay and in denial. I have no desire to be with a man and NEVER have, but it feels like I am a liar and I am really gay. It is hard to get out of my head, and I just want to say to anyone struggling with this, you are not alone. I have a hard time feeling like my attraction to women is genuine nowadays and I say to myself “What if I end up dating a guy?” And I get non stop thoughts and a groinal response as well. I also have gender dysphoria on top of that so it’s hard to imagine myself with a woman even though in the past I wanted it, but now I feel like I don’t, and eventually I’m gonna just date a guy. I get these compulsions to try things out with a guy and see if I like it but I don’t think I will act on it. I have had no hope and feel like I am genuinely gay now. I hope that I can recover.

Yupimtired

Date posted: 28d

Is this a thing in SOOCD ?

I’ve been meaning to ask this question, I’ve been diagnosed with SOOCD last year in November. But I had been struggling with SOOCD for around two years at that time before the diagnosis. Yet I still doubt the diagnosis almost every day. I didn’t continue therapy because I could t afford it. The anxiety symptoms or lower now and sometimes istimewa feels very meh like I don’t even want to answer the questions in my mind and other times it will implode and I’ll cry and feel so much pain in my heart. I cried the other night when I was watching on of chrissie Hodges’ videos. Because I felt so confused I can’t tell what’s real from time to time. I also wanted to ask if it’s normal to see pictures of men like really hot men and feel uncomfortable because I feel pressured to look and if I don’t look and check em out even when I don’t feel like it, I’d feel like I’m in denial and it’s exhausting and I tend to give up on responding to it and I’ll just feel like I’m hiding something and it’ll feel so uncomfortable. And then other times I’ll see a guy and turned on but I’ll still feel anxious and uncomfortable abit because of the thoughts. I’m straight and I do love men my fear is that I’m secretly bi because of the porn and the previous fantasizing I did when I was a teen. I’m 21 rn. It’s hard for me everyday I feel like I’m stuff acting in these negative emotions and like I just can’t breathe and be myself by solely trusting in myself. Because there’s constant doubt. And I’m a girl btw

JustAHobbitGirl

Date posted: 26d

What is happening to me??

Okay so today after I woke up I had an absolutely unexpected thought about a girl, but I DIDN’T MIND IT. So all I felt that it was unexpected but I didn’t feel shame or guilt or something. I started pacing back and forth my room and it was like my brain accepted that I’m bisexual and I started getting anxious about what my family and friends will think about it then I had the thought “If I’m afraid of coming out, that means I’m actually bisexual” and I started asking ChatGPT about what is happening to me and it wrote the usual answer “That’s typical with OCD, it doesn’t mean anything” but it didn’t calm me down a bit and it was just so confusing because for about twenty minutes it was like having this certainity about being bisexual but it didn’t help I was stressing just like before. I know this means I’m not comfortable with the thought and it’s not ego-syntonic, but I wasn’t necessarily anxious about the thought just anxious in general. Then I started fantasizing about men, and it gave me anxiety too but it felt more right. I tried out how it would make me feel if I fantasized about women but all those fantasies lasted barely 3-4 seconds after that my brain just shifted to other thoughts. I can’t listen to one of my favourite songs because it’s sung by an attractive woman and I’m getting these thoughts about me liking her. I don’t understand what’s going on with me, because whenever I read a story here by someone who's struggling with SO-OCD they always write “I don’t want to be gay, I want to go back when everything was normal” but for me every time I get a similar thought it’s immediatly overshadowed by “Of course you’re bisexual, look at all these evidences, you want to be bisexual, you’re just in denial, look at these people, they are real OCD-sufferers, you don’t, you’re welcoming the thoughts, you want them, you’re not comfortable with your heterosexual identity, you always wanted women” etc. etc. It’s so confusing because all along my journey with OCD I had the certainity in myself that I like men but now I feel like I lost this and it feels like a real sexuality crisis now.

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