- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Well first when I started going threw it I was scared. my self and my best buddy were on a fishing trip and he had to go pee in the woods and my mind visioned him doing that and my head was like "that's gay YOUR GAY" we were suppose stay in a tent that night and I faked sick and went home. I was afraid to talk about it for the first 3 months I kept it in . Then I went to mom . We talked and went over things . I got the nerve to go see a doctor and he said to see a therapist. I did few appointments and was told I do have ocd . And that this is not uncommon . As for copping... I dont think I cope well when in what I call a "episode " but it comes and goes. I'm getting married in a years time . And when I start thinking about that I get into a slump and start questioning my relationship but from what I understand hocd and rocd can come hand and hand they mingle with each other. Some days my attraction to my wife to be is excellent the bedroom activity can be amazing and perform perfect . You would think that would be enought proff to put it all behind you but it dont work that way . Needs to learn to not care about it just think who cares it doesnt matter who or what I am . I'm human and alive. Live life . And be strong . We can always talk here so keep messaging and we can work threw it togetter
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Happythots ! I'm male going threw same thing I'm engaged with two beautiful girls . I know they are all my life and love them . But the idea came in my head 5 years ago and its crippling . My self, I talk about it to my closes friends fiance and parents . I know I dont fit in as gay but that god damn brain wants to make me think I am and bring us down . It knows you care about the though that's why it keeps coming up . I dont vision my self with the same sex all that comes up in my head is "your gay" " yourlieing " I'm 32 started this at 27 even had 2kids in the middle its rough but we need to have a "dont matter attitude " when it dont maternity looses its power .
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Sometimes I'd rather be in hell . Fells like I'm letting the family down because it's in my head. My aunts gay and juat got married iv talk about this to her she told me she knew she was gay when she was 7 or 8 it's our brains and its a powerful thing if we let it do what it's doing
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I always find my OCD is at its worst in the mornings to.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
DSP123! I’m going threw the same thing but with three kids I’m 33 and got these intrusive thoughts! up until 8 weeks ago I was confident, happy and very sure of my identity. How have you coped for 5 years jeez?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Nice one mate I’ve been with my partner for 11 years I love her to death and have 3 sons and I know what your going through it is like living in hell ??
- Date posted
- 5y ago
same? i’m 16 and i’m scared because that considered young i guess. but i’ve liked girls ever since i can remember and i don’t want that to change. this is such a nightmare
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Dsp123 I think I'm on a similar level to you, I've had hocd for a year now, loved girls for as long as I can remember, never questioned it until a gay guy hit on me while on holiday, telling me I was gay to everyone, I was drunk and at the time I just found the man irritating, of course the next morning I woke up in distress! The next 8 months were hell! I've been with my gf 6 years! Now I hardly have any anxiety over the thoughts, I've had some therapy sessions, I think I've habbitated to the thoughts, the only thing I get is a voice in my head telling me I am gay, I just shrug it off and move on now. I agree with what you said about rocd and hocd, sometimes I feel great with my girlfriend, and at other times It feels a struggle, which is sad to right! The thing that worries me, my attraction hasn't totally come back, it's there, but not like it used to be? Is this similar to you?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Rile20 . Just like me 100% . Even when I know that theres a chance that myself and the woman are gonna get intimate I get scared because I worrie that these thoughts will interfere and be like "proof" sometimes try to advoid it but shouldn't. My head even tells me I'm loosing an erection while doing it but woman says not at all. Guess it's the anxiety doing that. The brain is too powerful .
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know, I get the same, I could be half way through oral or sex, and my mind will ask me if I'm enjoying it? I don't know it's weird! I'm 28, so started the same age as it did you, is your attraction to the opposite gender any different? Or does it come in waves? I mean I feel hardly any anxiety now, I guess I get moments of anxiety, I tell my self that if I don't have anxiety, surely I should be back to normal?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w ago
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 13w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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