brokengirl

Date posted: 2y

Listen if u want

Hi. I’m a nineteen year old from Australia experiencing OCD. I needed some advice. I am currently enrolled in university. I finished my first semester of university in June. Since then, I have been on break. I start the next semester in August, 7th to be exact. Now, my first semester was horrible. It’s my first year of university and I completely hate it. And my OCD makes it worse. In high school, I was a top student who excelled and even enjoyed school. Now, at university I HATED IT. And as I said, my OCD made things so much worse. I experienced a lot of uncertainty towards what I wanted to do at the start of the year and that spiked my anxiety, which triggered my OCD. Being at uni made me feel so trapped in my anxiety. It’s triggers so much stress. From questioning whether I’m taking the right path, to questioning if I can succeed, to double triple and quadruple checking EVERYTHING. I’m talking my emails (it used to take me hours to read them and would sometimes cause panic attacks), timetable, due dates, assignments ect etc. I kept doing compulsions and it was so exhausted. I had to read my emails three times, i would constantly seek reassurance etc etc. I’m so terrified to go back. I almost dropped out and deferred several times. I have never experienced that kind of stress in my life. Truly. I don’t know what to do. The thought of university makes me want to throw up. I keep telling myself that I should try just one more semester, or even a couple of weeks if it’s that bad. Most of my classes next semester are online anyways, I only have to go for 2 classes. But it still makes me so miserable. And the workload added to the stress. Once i started I already had quizzes due. I don’t want to leave, and then later regretting it. I’m scared that I hate it bc of my anxiety, not bc uni is necessarily the problem. Does that make sense? I don’t want my anxiety to dictate my decisions. But I’m just so scared. I keep looking at who I was back in high school and I am not her. She was so confident and she of herself, now I’m a wreck. I need advice ASAP.

NMRTHGHTS

Date posted: 2y

I think that this kind of problems are common among ocd people, in my case because I want to have certainty about everything and the only truth as we already know is that we can't be certain of anything, future will be the sum of all your actions and achievements. in my experience I learned that its best to endure life and get the achievement doesn't matter if it's scary doesn't matter what our mind tells us about it or even if we're unsure if we like it we won't lose anything by completing it. I studied IT and back then I didn't even know if that's what I wanted I just chose it because it was common among my friends and I liked to spend time in the computer, and even if it turned out that it wasn't a good decision it would be a plus instead of quitting and not acquiring those skills and knowledge, today I'm a professional and I live from it. in the end everything you accomplish will benefit you, ocd mind will also play tricks sometimes to make us choose the worst path but this is the only way I've found to pass through this illusion or else I'd be miserable in my life not being able to face life. I'd just suggest to take all this in mind and remember that everything in life is scary and will make us doubt because it will make us get out of our comfort zone but only getting out of it we will grow stronger, live life of your decision turns out to be a great experience enjoy and if it's something challenging in the long run you'll enjoy it too. if you see its going to hurt you in ways you shouldn't allow at some point you can also quit. hope the best for you

brokengirl

Date posted: 2y

@Grm2 Thank you🌷

brokengirl

Date posted: 2y

@Grm2 But it’s also not just the uncertainty as I said. Uni triggers a lot of compulsions about the most basic of things like reading my emails, checking my time table, checking due dates, proof reading. It’s just so painful.

NMRTHGHTS

Date posted: 2y

@iamNoraM I get triggered by new things so much too, once there's a big change in my life all my ocd starts to kick in. For that part I've learnt to find things to cope with it, have you tried anything to relieve that stress at the end of the day?

brokengirl

Date posted: 2y

@Grm2 I’m the same. Big changes trigger my ocd. Yes, I draw. I have a sketch book and it’s honestly the only thing in my life right now that takes my mind off things. I also paint

NMRTHGHTS

Date posted: 2y

@iamNoraM I'm a bit intense when it comes to that, when something like this happens I go to the gym, swim, even practice martial arts, I wake up early in the morning and even go running there has been times where I've spent 4 hours or more only doing all these things per day I've become in pretty good shape when that happens lol and it reduces my anxiety quite a lot. There's also vitamins that you could use that lower cortisol and anxiety.

brokengirl

Date posted: 2y

@Grm2 What vitamins would those be? I also run but it’s been quite cold where I am, so the thought of going for a run isn’t as nice lol

NMRTHGHTS

Date posted: 2y

@iamNoraM I am using kaha and it has worked so far

NMRTHGHTS

Date posted: 2y

@iamNoraM Well any kind of exercise should work its known to produce endorphins it'll make you feel happier

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

First of all, I can assure you that no matter the decision you make, you will be fine..life is not linear and sometimes we need to figure stuff out and feel overwhelmed etc etc. Do you know if there is psychological help provided by your university?

brokengirl

Date posted: 2y

@ROCDmensch There is, I just can’t bring myself to go there. Uni triggers so much stress and anxiety. The thought of being there makes me sick to my stomach. There are zoom calls available but I just don’t feel like zoom is good enough. I’m a face to face kind of person. Maybe I need to try zoom.

ROCDmensch

Date posted: 2y

@iamNoraM I think that you would really benefit from taking the help there is. It would already take a little weight off your shoulders talking to someone, even if it's "just" zoom

brokengirl

Date posted: 2y

@ROCDmensch I’ll definitely give it a go

brokengirl

Date posted: 2y

Someone plz tell me what u think

moomoo22

Date posted: 23w

pls reply if you have help

i am a freshman in college and i have always struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD. i have never received help for my OCD despite being medicated for my other two issues. i have noticed that what most of my panic stems from is my OCD and more specifically my OCD around school. i haven’t been able to get myself up for class for multiple days and im starting to panic about everything im missing and think about every little thing i have to fix. i am so behind that it makes me want to panic and i feel like i cant fix this. i just want my mind to feel normal but it feels like my whole world is falling apart all because i am feeling stuck in school. please help me i just want to feel okay but i dont know how to. i have tried doing all the assignments i can do to catch up but it isn’t enough i still feel so panicked

Gmoki

Date posted: 17w

How do you manage OCD in school with avoidance?

I had avoided a lot with school specifically, but I did do it in other areas of life as well. School for some reason has been the biggest trigger that sends me into avoidance and it has been for the longest time. Does anybody relate? If so, what did you do to help besides therapy? In high school I used to sit in the bathroom stalls for hours so I could avoid going to classes. I was struggling to keep up because my OCD makes me perfect my school work so much so to the point where I’d never turn it in because I’d never be satisfied with what I’d produce. I’d get so incredibly frustrated with myself and the fact that I could never meet my own standards, never mind the rubrics given. I took ages analyzing all my writing, all my answers, all my google slides and I burnt myself out. So I stopped trying. I stopped turning in work because I’d never be satisfied. I’d cry because I felt I wasn’t good enough. Then I’d be missing assignments, getting them done but not submitting them because I was too ashamed. So, I avoided classes because I’d be in trouble or be called out for not getting anything done. Unfortunately this habit bled into my first year of college last year, and OCD coupled up with depression, made going to the dining hall and attending classes even worse. So I avoided it all together. It’s so hard being a freshman in college, so so hard. I unfortunately failed out of that school but I tried to medically withdraw either semester. No, I wasn’t partying, or drinking or smoking or hanging with the wrong people. I was a college freshman struggling with ocd and depression. I’m trying to not make excuses for myself either because I’m well aware this is my fault and I’m trying to reverse it now at community college. Right now I’m trying to get those Fs turned into Ws from my old school so I can fix my gpa. I want to transfer, I want to be a forensic psychologist, I want to be independent, I want to be ok. It’s gonna take me so long to transfer from community college but that’s on me. I’m willing to put in the work. I’m so embarassed, please help me.

Gmoki

Date posted: 17w

I need advice :( vent post/does anyone relate?

First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?

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