- Date posted
- 2y
Having family not understand
I'm 35 I had to move back home 2 years ago due to declining mental health. Yesterday my mom, step father and I were about to watch a movie when my mom lit a candle. I've had a reaccuring thought, image and urge to light my hair on fire and have had this theme pop back up strong in the last month. I love candles, I buy them I physically light them. I sit with them lit, I have a lighter on my dresser all for exposure and it does help obviously that's the point of ERP. However when my mom lit the candle I just said out loud "oh no not the candle" which put my step dad into a huge rage. He started going off about how my family has to walk on eggshells because of me and I just need to deal with it and work through my issues (which I do and I have been for years) but as people with mental illness we know it's not always so cut throat, it's not always black and white. We will still struggle. I take 10mg of buspar and it doesn't really help my anxiety and I'm too afraid to go up to 15 even though the doctor said I could. I already have an appointment to see her Friday and I've had really bad reactions to antidepressants so I'm scared of those and my step dad just kept saying the worst most horrid things to me. Saying I need to take more medication and when I said I do take it he said I need to take something else then. Like that's f**king easy for someone who doesn't struggle with health ocd and a severe anxiety disorder. Then he started saying I need to go live somewhere else and be in a mental hospital or a home or something like I'm just some crazy person who needs to be locked up. I've been to 2 mental hospitals 3 times. Obviously it's not a place for longtime care it's for stabilization and it's a VERY traumatic experience in my opinion especially when they won't let you leave when you've checked yourself in. He proceeded to say I need therapy when my mom and I told him we can't afford therapy. I'm sorry but I just can't afford the 210.00 sessions NOCD is charging. I'm on medicaid and unemployed because of this. I see a councilor or peer specialist or whatever she is through a local walk in center and she's been great and it helps to have someone to vent too but let's be honest, am I actually getting the help I need with someone who's not properly trained to treat these disorders??? And I've been dealing with this for years with therapists not helping me. The whole situation was f*cking horrible and left me in tears and just feeling like a pos, an outcast and a loser. He even said I was better off in Colorado then I am living with them here In Arizona but I had my own apartment and was still driving. Um, I couldn't even work or pay my rent my old roommate had to pay ot for me for years and just cause I was driving doesn't mean I was doing better. I was in mental torment daily, getting drunk everyday and was EXTREMELY suicidal. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with people like this who are committed to misunderstanding you, or if anyone can share their experiences they've had with people in their own lives who are bullies just because you struggle with mental illness.