I'm a terrible boss

So, yesterday I found out that one of my coworkers (I'm her boss) cries because I'm so mean to her every day and the last time she felt as bad as I make her feel was when her dad was in the hospital, and that everyone encouraged her to report me because of how awful I am, including MY BEST FRIEND'S SISTER. I genuinely cannot think of a single time I've been mean, let alone so mean she wrote a resignation letter, cries every day in front of everyone, and is scared of me. How can I be that mean to someone and not even realize it? I'm not doing anything unusual, so I'm being that mean just by naturally being myself. I feel like the worst person on earth. I want to quit so badly, I can't continue working with this girl, she deserves better than me. I can't stop crying, I had no idea I'm such an awful person to be around. I've never felt more autistic in my life. I'm so genuinely shocked by this. I thought I was friends with everyone and that we were all fine. But nope, I got reported and they all hate me because I'm so mean to them and especially one girl. I don't know what to do other than resign. I don't know how to process this.

zortnorp

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Im so sorry you are going through this. Something similar happened to me recently, my coworker told me after every shift with me she cries. I told her I was heartbroken to hear that and asked what I can do differently. She said it wasn’t anything I did, but it still made me incredibly anxious. I felt like an awful human being. But then I put things in perspective and realized her comment has always everything to do with her and not with me. Sometimes personalities clash and two people don’t work well together — that doesn’t mean one person is bad or the other is good. I was super hard on myself after she made this comment, but I reminded myself that I am good at my job and good to the people around me and that’s what matters. You can ask her what specifically you have done that upsets her, and acknowledge that you were not aware she felt this way. But still remember that someone’s perception of you is just that - their perception. It doesn’t make it the truth.

Wolfram

Date posted: 2y

I had a problem with one of my last jobs, I worked there for only 18months but in that time they almost fired me 5 times and promote me to manager twice. They would fire people at the job so easily so when a new person came in and made a mistake I'd point it out to the individual because the training was rubbish and give them a chance to fix it before the boss found out and fired them. People dreaded me when I came over because they associated me with negativity and unsolicited criticism. People's tolerance for criticism changes depending on what they're going through in their own life. Some people appreciated it but others just didn't like it, most didn't. My advice if you want it, based on my experience is aim to understand rather than to be understood. Also accept that you may not be seeing the whole picture and she may have other factors in her life contributing to her reactions. You can never be certain. I'd personally ask if everything is OK at home and if there's anything you can do to make work more comfortable for her. But you know the situation better than I do

girlanon

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

She listed a whole bunch of "incidents" most of which were so little that I don't even remember them or am genuinely confused how I was even mean. Its literally my job to correct and guide her when she's wrong, but now I can't do that or I'm mean and will get reported again

Wolfram

Date posted: 2y

@girlanon Maybe speak to HR or whoever deals with complaints for their perspective on the situation. Again, she may have stuff in her life that's not that great and her tolerance for anything at all is so small because of it. May not be on you at all

girlanon

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Invalid Based on what the people I've spoken to have said, it seems that the general consensus is that she's sensitive and I'm fine, but I still can't stop feeling so badly about it

Wolfram

Date posted: 2y

@girlanon I get that. The way she reacts is out of your control though and not your responsibility. So feeling bad is natural if they get upset but don't beat yourself up for too long OK?

girlanon

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Invalid Thank you for commenting 🥰 you've helped a lot

Wolfram

Date posted: 2y

@girlanon Np. Glad it helped 😊

Wolfram

Date posted: 2y

Also, aggression and assertion are different and I realised I was being more aggressive regardless of my intent or tone. That was an eye opener and tried to change my approach

miss_anonymous

Date posted: 21w

Working

Everyone is frustrating me at work and I’m about to crash out😭!! Maybe it’s how I grew up and have been gaslit a lot but does anyone ever feel like whatever they do they are in the “wrong?” I don’t know …my coworker made me feel like that. What’s wrong to her might not be wrong to me and vise versa. I just wanna scream and throw hands lol. I don’t know if anyone else feels like this. And they wanna have this conversation in front of customers and then I look like the “bad guy” 🙄. So over it. Workplace is toxic asf and I’m trying to find a new job but it seems impossible these days . I feel like I’m not the best at conversations on the spot. That’s why I keep quiet so ion look dumb, but both coworkers came up to me and approach me. I feel like I try and smile and nobody really smiles back. Or when I say thank you and go to places like ulta, all the girls are bitchy. It makes me think am I not smiling enough? Am I doing something wrong? Etc. Maybe it just the people I’m around . I just feel nothing but anger and I’m trying to calm down but I really just wanna go off

Buddyfriend

Date posted: 19w

I’m scared of being an abusive partner.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? I’m graduating from college soon and i have been so stressed about finding a job, signing a lease for an apartment, college ending, I have an ungodly amount of assignments to do, I have a tumultuous relationship with my mother that has recently blown up again, and so much more. I am just so overwhelmed, I snapped at my boyfriend last night. I immediately apologized but i still feel awful. One of my biggest fears is being an abusive partner and i feel like this confirms that I am one. My best friend was also there and he saw me snap at my boyfriend and I’m scared he thinks I’m awful too. He saw me apologize so maybe that makes him think differently, but i can’t know for sure. The logical side of me tells me it’s not that deep, i apologized, and it’s time to move on. But i feel like i need to apologize to my best friend too to make sure he doesn’t think im terrible, but i know thats reassurance seeking. The ocd in me is punishing myself and refusing to move on.

Perfectionism OCD

averydayimsh...

Date posted: 17w

i just woke up from a nightmare

i’m crying but i don’t deserve to i’ve had this thought before, my mom works and i stay home and clean and homeschool. lately i have not been doing my part and i understand why she’s upset. every time she gets upset with me she cries, and tells me how bad i hurt her. Also every time she’s upset with me, for some pathetic reason my head brings up when she hurt me as a child, she never really admitted to it but i think it’s because she doesn’t want to think about how bad she could’ve hurt me or brother. slowly im starting to realize how bad of a person i am, I’m a procrastinator and im lazy. i had a dream about us arguing, i said awful things, something’s i’ve never said before something’s i have out of anger and then i start crying. I think im a psycho, im crying so hard rn. i want to fix everything, why can’t i be different? in my dream i was mean and aggressive, and it scared me.

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