False memories

I struggle so much even calling them “false memories”. I prefer “unsure memories”, because if they are real, I want to at least try and take accountability for them. Hell, even calling them unsure memories makes me feel bad, like I’m making a convenient excuse so I don’t have to face the awful things I’ve done. They feel so real, but I would be lying if I said I was 100% positive they happened. I can just see them so clearly, how could they not be real? (Also, I’ve actually done so many awful things that it’s hard to logically rule out with “oh I would never do that”.) Sorry for the vent, I’m just feeling pretty distressed.

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m going through the exact same thing. Things from when I was 13-16. I try to find out how old I exactly was and it scares me every time I try and found out. I’m going to give you abit of reassurance now because I know how hard this is. Your not a bad person. Because bad people don’t worry about being bad people. The reality is the percentage of the event being real is the same percentage of it not being real. So your in the middle - however think about your values now - you don’t reflect on the event with pleasure and don’t want to repeat - so let the past go and move forward

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel the exact same way. Something bothers me so bad and feels like it’s 95 percent real. The 5% of doubt is what keeps me going. I don’t know what else to do.

aneyh

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous I relate to this so hard ugh

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 1y ago

We need to let it all go and move one and trust your a good person Think to yourself if the situation presented itself again would I do what I think I have done - the answer is 100% no So move on

Nothingisfor...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

But if I done the thing my Brain is telling me I couldn’t live with myself

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 1y ago

In my experience about this condition we always blow out of proportion what our event is. You probably think if you told me what you think I’ve done I will be shocked but the reality is I wouldn’t be - your situation is not unique. There is a tab you can include with “real event” “false memory” “POCD” does that not show you are not alone my friend

LivingInMyHead

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m dealing with this too.. it’s an awful feeling

aneyh

Date posted: 1y ago

@LivingInMyHead I’m sorry, it sucks so bad :/

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 1y ago

I was just reading an article about a man that has been convicted for abusing children- I’ve copied and pasted what the judge said about this man the judge said - “You do not seem to experience shame, guilt, remorse or empathy. You acted on your own sexual desires with no care for the traumatic impact on those you abused,' That’s what that sort of person is like Can you see it’s the polar opposite of the feelings you have YOU ARE NOT THAT

aneyh

Date posted: 1y ago

@Jonathan123147 Thank you so much for your comments 🤍 I’m doing my best to ignore the obligatory “oh but if they actually knew what you did things would be different” and “I’m tricking people into feeling sympathy for me, a ‘bad’ person” thoughts, but that is always my knee jerk reaction when anyone shows me kindness! But thank you again! :)

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 1y ago

I completely understand I have time family and friends about my things - they are surrounded by childhood and adolescent mistakes that I look back in and can’t understand or believe I did those things - when I speak to people that are understanding and don’t react the way i think they should - I think - do you actually here what I’m saying. But it’s OCD we can’t forget that

leena445

Date posted: 25w ago

im so confused

im not diagnosed, but these past two days have been terrible. i constantly have this underlying feeling that i might do something that i think is gross and i feel like i can’t do anything on my own because otherwise i might do something wrong. like i feel like i constantly have to be in front of people so that i can make sure of my every action. this is so exhausting and I’m so confused. and like i keep getting terrible images and stuff replaying in my head. i also try to recall what happened but i feel like i have false event too. i used to have religious ocd and that eventually stopped completely, but now it feels like all my work getting over that was pointless. also like i feel like i might have contamination ocd but not the typical germ type. I just get terrible images and I can’t remember if those images are true or not even though they’re impossible and i feel terrible. I don’t know if i could ever get over this because even the thought of it is terrible.

werewolfie

Date posted: 22w ago

I don't know who I am

I don't know what's real. I don't know who I am, I don't know if everything I believe is made up, all my emotions, my memories..it feels fake, I'm stressed the fuck out because I can't even tell if my past is real

bloominglotus

Date posted: 20w ago

Images coming back again

My intrusive images were an absolute nightmare back in April. I honestly don’t even know how it got better, I had written a letter to God begging for help. Well recently idk if it’s because I’ve been stressed a lot again and ruminating on a lot of pocd related things from the past the make me worry, but the images have started again and even though they are repulsive and awful, I feel like I’m not reacting how I should. I think I just got to where I would just try to like blink it away and ignore it, but I feel so bad if I’m not feeling absolute shame and guilt. I feel like I feel too normal and sometimes I forget that if anyone knew besides people on here, I can’t imagine what people would think, but I also know it’s not who I am so I feel like I don’t worry as much as I should. Also, I can’t stop worrying about fanfiction I read when I was like 16 and 17. It really bothers me because I keep wondering did I imagine this one character my age? Why did I read this? Did I even know what aging up was then, and even if I did it’s wrong and gross anyway but if I didn’t age this character up then that’s awful. And i just can’t let go but I think it’s triggering me to have the images so idk what to do.

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False memories

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