Help. I fear I accidentally saw something illegal.

Im terrified and highly triggered about what i think i saw. Trigger warning : p*rn I was using this p*rn site called sp*nkb*ng.com which I thought it was safe and that it only cointained adult videos, but now im not so sure. I had searched the category "japanese m*lf vr" because by typing the world m*lf I was more at ease thinking that I wouldn't have to worry about coming across anything triggering and strange. But while I was scrolling through the videos I came across this video which had as a thumbnail a highly disturbing image: there was this girl with a very small body and the arms looked very short (maybe they looked short because they were bent ?) I don't know if it just looked that way because the image in the thumbnail was distorted/on a weird angle or if the girl in the thumbnail happened to be a woman with an unusual small body. I didn't click on the video, I didn't dare to check in case my fear were to be revealed true, but I kept looking at the thumbnail in disbelief and in horror not believing what I was seeing, hoping that I had seen just wrong but nothing changed. I'm terrified that I might have saw something illegal. I feel extremely triggered and I'm currently in high distress. While I was searching about the legality and safety of these adult sites I saw this article and it triggered me a lot. The disturbing and disgusting words I had to read have tainted and stained my brain and now I have the worst and most disgusting words stuck in the chamber of my mind. I feel rotted and gross, I'm currently feeling the abomination and the evilness associated with these words. https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex-addiction/2013/04/legal-traps-for-internet-porn-users-5-ways-you-can-get-in-trouble?c=580741382859#1 I know the solution is to quit p*rn completely as it triggers those with ocd. But it's not easy. I was feeling excited and now I feel wrong and gross as if I commited a crime, like a complicit. I'm completely turned off. I feel horrible. Does anybody had something like this happen to them as well?

POCD

Username: Jonathan123147Jonathan123147

Date posted: 1y ago

I think a lot of people have come across things that they wished they hadn’t of seen on the internet. When I was 15/16 in the early 00’s when the internet didn’t have half the safety features it has now - I came across things that have traumatised me - my false memory tells me that I wanted to come across them - but I just have to sit with that uncertainty. It’s important to remember when it comes to this sort of sickening content online it is illegal to be in possession (so to be found with it downloaded or stored in some way on one of your devices). To distribute - or to make the video itself. None of these things you have done - so you haven’t done anything illegal. If what you saw is cp it’s actually the website you have been on that has broke the law as they have stored and they have distributed it. The reason why the law has outlawed these aspects is because sexual predators when they come across this sort of content don’t do what you have done - they keep it and share it with there other sick friends. Your a good person and everything is ok. Personally I haven’t looked at p for 8 years and it does help mentally, but of course that is a personal choice. Be well my friend.

Username: Nameless000Nameless000

Date posted: 1y ago

this made me feel better, thank you..

Username: coffeeandcerealcoffeeandcereal

Date posted: 1y ago

I’ve had something similar happen but on my tl on twitter. it’s the fact that you feel bothered that shows that it doesn’t align with your morals. you didn’t mean to come across it, you weren’t trying to look for it, and you are disgusted that you came across it. you’re good, don’t worry, you’re a good person!! don’t let the ocd lie to you!! ** ps. if possible, report the video to the site you were using as the majority of the time people are able to upload vids, similar to social media. the site itself is most likely clueless this is on their site.

Username: Nameless000Nameless000

Date posted: 1y ago

I wish I did that. I was about to report the video but I got scared because I didn't want to have anything to do with it, I didn't want to have any sort of interaction and association with that stuff, I was afraid that I'd leave some kind of a digital footprint by sending a report. I've already closed the tab and I don't want to go back there and risk that deeply disturbing thumbnail. And what if after reporting it I were to discover that it wasn't actually what i thought it looked like and that it was my mind that went south and assumed on its own something terrible? That would mean that I imagined something illegal by myself... and that it's bad on its own and I would be the weird one. I don't know, I just hope that it wasn't anything and that I was just alarmed because of some red flags that spiked my ocd. Actually I don't want to think about it at all and just forget it completely. But the thing is that if my initial fear were to be true than it would mean that I would be "complicit" too in a way because my cowardice and indifference (my lack of actions) would have let something illegal and evil to persist and stay unpunished. I don't know what to do...

Username: Nameless000Nameless000

Date posted: 1y ago

I can't forgive myself for encountering this fucked up shit. Even though I didn't do anything it feels like I commited a crime. I can't tolerate nor accept that abominable events like that happened in my life. I feel like I stained my ethical and moral "cronology" that is inside my mind.

Username: Nameless000Nameless000

Date posted: 1y ago

it's like a permanent event that will stay there forever. no matter what you do nothing changes what happened. it's an indelible trace. It's like an "ethical chronological footprint" over my inner self-identity.

Username: Aaron R.

Date posted: 3y ago

Every time I watch an explicit video, I obsessively worry about whether or not the person in the video was of legal age or if I unintentionally looked at a minor. This causes me to have intrusive OCD thoughts that I am some kind of horrible pedophile or that the FBI will arrest me. I'm currently experiencing an anxiety spike right now because of it. Can anyone else relate to this? I only want to watch videos of consenting adults, but the need for 100 percent certainty makes it difficult for me to stop questioning it. Because of my religious beliefs, things like pornography are outside of my ethical values anyways, so I really want to break the habit of watching it in any capacity (even if I knew for certain I couldn't accidentally stumble upon a video of a minor), but I struggle with doing that. Does anyone have any tips to stop engaging in lustful behaviors, and how to deal with catastrophic thinking about jail time and being a sick person because I'm paranoid about if the model could be underage?

Username: ocdnoononi

Date posted: 30w ago

Deeply sickened

18+ I’m afraid that at some point I might’ve watched something illegal while I had a bad porn addiction as a teen- I’m not sure and that’s what haunts me. How could any of us know? How could we know the people in this porn are the age they say they are?! Why does this make me even more consumed with doom. I think rather dark stuff after that, concerning stuff for my well being cause I literally spiral so hard I feel as if I’m losing touch with reality. My panic attacks, my depression- all spurred on and taunted by a “what if” Do normal people genuinely not think about this? Do normal people keep moving forward knowing that’s a possible risk? If so then what? What if your eyes saw that? How would you even keep living? Or wanting to.

Username: savvyp

Date posted: 22w ago

POCD (TRIGGER PORN)

It’s 4am and I’m really freaking myself out. So full disclosure…I used to watch Porn and this triggered SO OCD initially. I feel like it’s NOW jumped into POCD. In the past I used to click on vids of women performing sexual acts. (Hence the SO OCD) But now I’m freaking out that I actually finished and enjoyed myself to the vids that maybe said Teen in the title or what not. At the time I didn’t believe that those girls were actually underage because why would that be legal and distributed on Porn hub? Maybe these girls are trying to click bait a weird thing? I assumed Teen meant 18. Now I look back on it and feel gross and that I’m a predator. I would never condone anything like that in real life. I keep questioning myself like “Why the hell did I do that?” “why didn’t I click off the video?” If that person was actually 17 or younger I would freaking lose it. How could I live with myself? How could I ever be a good person?

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Help. I fear I accidentally saw something illegal.

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