Why do I keep thinking this??

Can you keep feeling like you need to think about thoughts you don’t like? Yesterday I had this horrible thought of you know in movies when they drag a body and bury it? I had a horrible thought of that image and then I kept feeling like I needed to imagine it and today it’s the same and now im thinking why am I I trying to imagine that say it it’s because I like it and im evil and it’s so vivid as well like as if I know how it feels to drag someone and it’s disgusting but feels real and I don’t understand why I keep wanting to imagine it?? Am I trying to test myself what is it ??

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

The thought caused a reaction from you thus making your brain believe it’s “important”, OCD targets what we are NOT. The fact it’s causing you discomfort is enough for you to know that it’s not something you want to be thinking of. Just consider it like every other intrusive thought you’ve ever had because that’s what it is. It’s just a thought and your thoughts cannot define you.

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous The worst part is the thoughts are about my mum and now I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me because why am I trying to imagine that, and those thoughts or the dragging and burying thing where after I had a thought about smothering about my mum and then I started getting hold and coke chills because my head was like why are you thinking a whole sequence/scenario of a horrible thing like that and it was even intrusive I thought it on purpose (but I do have intrusive thoughts about smothering) but then I started worrying that I thought it in that order and does that mean that’s what I want to do or that I’m evil and the thought came ‘what if your planning to do that) then I. Started getting hot and cold chills and I’ve been worrying ever since but I’ve had this ocd problem for almost two years now and at this point I don’t even know when I’m worrying and when I’m not like I keep thinking that I’m not getting anxious enough over these thoughts but I don’t know if that’s because I’ve got use to them 😞

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Sorry for the long paragraph

levi!

Date posted: 2y

@lu22 I relate to this so much

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I think it would really help you to talk to someone about this, I totally understand what you’re going through. OCD wants us to feel anxiety! That’s what keeps the cycle going, to not give it a reaction no matter how terrible the thought is, is the best thing you could do. It’s only going to make you stronger in the long run.

Ocd&me09

Date posted: 2y

I have harm ocd and my theme latched on to my mom for a while too but my main attachment has been to my children and its truly scary and I really hate it but ocd will attach to what you love or cherish the most!

Ahee29

Date posted: 2y

@Ocd&me09 My biggest harm OCD and only harm OCD is with my daughter… How long have you experienced this? It’s absolutely Terrifying!! :/

Ocd&me09

Date posted: 2y

For almost a year! What about you? Yes it so terrifying I agree completely 😞

Ahee29

Date posted: 2y

@Ocd&me09 Same! August will be my year mark when this whole thing started. I’ve always had OCD but it’s been symmetrical, cleanliness, counting, “just right”, or perfectionism. This popped outta nowhere and my kids are already 9 and 11! Freaked me OUT. We literally moved across country to find help and away from my side of the family who I think see me as crazy. It sucks but has become more manageable…

lu22

Date posted: 24w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 23w

Does anyone ever feel like they like a thought?

I have been struggling today, most likely due to lack of sleep. I had a thought that I would consider intrusive, but what really unsettled me was that I felt like I liked it, **not just in the sense that I lacked anxiety over it, but that I genuinely felt like I wanted it.** It left me feeling really confused. It happened during intimacy, which makes it even more unsettling. The thought was incestuous, I found myself imagining and comparing the moment with my boyfriend to my father :/, and what really alarms me is that I felt like I wanted it there, both mentally and physically. I was having a really nice time, so maybe the physical sensations got mixed in somehow, but it still worries me. I did my best not to ruminate in the moment and avoided checking. I tried to move on, but the feeling of genuinely liking the thought was so clear that it is hard to shake off. Has anyone else experienced something similar? This is one of the first times it has ever happened to this extent.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

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